I'm 26, turning 27 on Thursday. Still a virgin. Miserable and depressed. When I was 17 I met a girl who I went out with for 3yrs but we never had sex. I'd get too nervous and wouldn't be erect enough and eventually lose it. I now know it was probably a bit of nerves, but mostly a PMO addiction.
Recently I've been kicking myself. I'd give anything to go back and try again without the porn. I've often wondered what my life would be like now. Girls I've encountered, relationships I could have had, but didn't (out of fear). It gets me REALLY down. My 20's has been a fairly boring experience - mainly sat in front of a computer screen. It feels like I've wasted my youth.
I even moved countries at 21, and thought perhaps I could start fresh. But in reality I just got stuck in the same routine. Now I'm scared, really scared, that I'll never find anyone. With ZERO sexual encounters under my belt I feel extremely nervous when I meet girls. Will I keep it up? Will I do it right? Will she be satisfied? But also, having sex will be a HUGE thing for me. Massive. And every extra year adds more pressure. If I could have sex right now it would turn my life around (for the better). How can you simply not get nervous about something so big?
I'm on day 11 of my reboot. So far I've done fairly well with very little cravings. My libido is pretty much none existent at this stage. I'm hardly ever horny, if ever. But tbh, I only used to get horny thinking about PMO.
What's worse is I can't really "test" once I get to the other end. Unless this reboot helps my nerves, they'll be no way I can pick up girls at the club. I guess I could pay for it (legal here) but I think I'd be just as nervous tbh. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to end up alone forever. Going out is tough for me, because of my anxiety, drinking actually makes me feel sick and also interferes with other bodily functions. I would even get nerves and ED in my dreams when having sexual encounters - though I haven't had one of these in a long time. I've actually had a few dreams where I've had successful sex, though as I've never had it, I guess it was just a "best guess" as to how it felt. I even tried hypnotherapy to try and get over it, but I'm pretty sure it did nothing.
I long to be 17 again - where I actively hunted girls, where I felt confident about myself, could go out have a laugh, be the life of a party. Now I feel like a nobody :( Left behind because I couldn't perform.
Sorry to dump something so heavy on everyone. Chin up I guess! I just hope this reboot will help me return to my old social self and help repress my anxiety. I'm actually quietly hopeful, even though my post may sound completely negative.