confused about libido? need help

Submitted by forevergone on
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im not sure what my true libido is. im pretty lost with it right now.

am i supposed to get hard just be fantasizing?

am i supposed to be walking around with hardons just by talking with girls.

am i supposed to be hard, not losing an errection during sex?

as of right now, i feel like i have nothing. no libido ( i just relapsed yesterday after a week). i feel like its a flatline?


flatlining happens after you withdraw from porn and masturbation and what you describe seems pretty typical.

It can last days, weeks or months, in rare cases many months.

I would say I get a semi when I am kissing my partner. A fantasy may begin to get me hard but I try to not have fantasies these days. 

I have erections when I am cuddling quite often (not all the time) and when we are ready for intercourse I am usually hard although sometimes we practice soft entry after which I get hard.

I have erections without manual stimulation in all these cases -- I don't have to touch my penis and neither does she. I don't masturbate these days and I don't have her give me hand jobs either in order to get an erection. Erections just happen on their own and last as long as they should. I don't lose an erection during sex although sometimes the erection softens and then hardens again over time while we are having intercourse.

I didn't used to find this true when I was viewing porn but it's been true for several months now and feels "natural" and right.

There's no one right response

and your sexual responsiveness is also different depending upon your age. During teen years, you have extra neurochemical kickers at work...hence the random boners (when guys don't overconsume Internet porn). As you become an adult, those random boners become more rare, which makes life easier.

I know it's tough, but try not to get attached to the state of your penis. There's a lot more to life, and relaxation actually improves performance, whereas anxiety decreases it.

What can you do to relax more? Exercise? Meditation? Time in nature? Socializing? Better diet?


thanks for the responses

yeah ive noticed i worry about it WAY TOO MUCH. its like i have ocd about having ED which is awful, makes me depressed. i took accutane 2 years ago which gave me celiac disease. and its sometimes, but in rare cases gives you a low libido.

i noticed like when i was almost done with the medication, i had some bad ed. but at that time i was a heavy porn user. i was addicted ever since i was 12 years old.

i think i need to clear my head from all everything related to sex and just relax.

but marnia, yes i exercise 5 days a week, hang out with my friends and im on a gluten free diet.

im 20 years old so thats why im getting all worried about this shit. i honestly would love my life if my "ED" was cured. and im 28 days away from arizona, i need to stop with the PMO.

When I get

into the "worry loop" about something I can't actively DO anything more about at the moment, I try to defer further consideration of the matter until a set time in the future. That seems to calm the "worry part" of the brain, because I am agreeing to analyze the problem further...just not right now.

So what about setting a "worry date" for a month from now, and stick to your reboot in the meantime? When the worries come up, just say, "I promise to worry about that in a month if I haven't seen any improvement."

Also, you know that some guys need months longer, right?  Tips For Former Fappers Can't rush the brain. Let's hope you're not one, but stay cool, because you really just don't know yet.

*big hug*