I´m a 28 old female from germany (sorry for my english) and doing some „experiments“ with karezza and all these energy-things. I am not addicted to porn but have kind of a bad relationship (in some times) and want to try out karezza with my boyfriend. I noticed that before we orgasm he and I are always so sweet to each other and after orgasm I hate him often because he just doesn´t seem to care a bit for me. It´s hard in comparison to the time before orgasm and it makes me doubt the whole relationship. In general I got a lot of doubts and could imagine that those are caused by an imbalance of my hormones. I suffer from mood swings that I think are responsible for many relationship problems.
My boyfriend and I tried a few times a kind of tantra: we had some candles, fruits and tea and a lot of time to cuddle and caress…it was so amazing, I felt like on drugs (which from a karezzian point of view might not have been so good as it felt because that was just only the rush of dopamine) and when I looked into the mirror (which stood near by) I saw such a beauty I´ve never seen in a mirror before. :) Of course it ended in sex.
Though we experienced some deep bonding, this whole thing was born out of the idea of being aroused for a long time, I think. Or maybe that was just my point of view while he cared more for the bonding (he seems to be the one who is more in cuddling while I am more into sex). I like the feeling of being aroused and am kind of addicted to it – I tried some times where I didn´t allow myself to come cause I wanted to stay aroused. I think I am a bit too much focused on sex and I even sometimes force sex cause I want him and me closer...which ironically let us drive more apart.
In those times where I didn´t come for a few days I edged often to stay aroused…and experienced all those things which are mentioned here to increase: my interests in social interaction increased and I felt VERY close to people and things without them overwhelming me – normally I stay in distance and can hardly feel anything or anyone near to me though acting like a “normal” social being. Also it was suddenly normal for me to touch people a lot which I normally experience as…strange.
Beside the social improvements it was easier for me to focus (except the times I was really horny) and to express myself in a straight and self-confident way. And I had more drive getting things done.
As I “suffer” from ADD (without hyperactivity) I have an imbalance of dopamine in my brain – this is why I can easily become addicted to anything…I am addicted to cigarettes (though I can stop smoking when visiting my boyfriend for a few days), to excitement, to some people, to arousement and even to my boyfriend I think.
So I think the best might be if I try to bring my brain to a level of a relative balance by not masturbating the next two weeks. When I meet my boyfriend in two weeks I wanna try karezza.
I discovered these sides and POIS a few days ago, so I decided to have a look on the results of my orgasm…and well: on friday I had an orgasm and on saturday I felt depressed, didn´t want to do anything and doubted my relationship a lot. It is nearly the same today. Meditation helped a bit.
Only problem is, that my boyfriend lives 200 kilometers away and it´s difficult to do all those bonding things only by chatting. But it´s not as worthless as I thought because I am being more kind and lovely to him – I have no other option to “cuddle” him.
Another problem is, that he is kind of stubborn and has become less openminded through the process of splitting us apart, which I always wanted to stop but didn´t know how (well I tried some drama, but that didn´t help really ). So I don´t know if he is motivated enough – I think his motivation to do or to “sacrifice” anything for the relationship is nearly zero….although he likes cuddling more than sex…but also he said that not having an orgasm doesn´t make the following sex better (for me it does). Well I thought being nice could help make him more openminded as a start. Maybe there is a way in convincing him without many words so that he doesn´t have the feeling of being forced? I tried to force him too often and that makes convincing him even without forcing hard to do.
P.S.: I don´t know if I should have used an own blog...but I can do it if it is more common.