A couple of questions

Submitted by ironworld on
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1. The other day I got really turned on by some sexy videos on YouTube. I made the mistake of then hunting for porn, but to my surprise my erection actually decreased when looking at the porn and I wasn't really being turned on as much by it as I used to be (though I was still horny). I take this as a good sign, but then why was I so turned on by video's that showed no naughty bits? Is my imagination better than porn? Sorry, just a bit confused by this one.

2. When is it safe to MO? I'm getting tired of waiting for a wet dream. I even had a dream last night where things got horny, but then it's like I knew I was dreaming (in my dream I was like "finally, time for a wet dream") and obviously that catapulted me out of the dream. DAMN!! I feel a lot of pressure downstairs sometimes, even when I'm not horny. Wondering if I try MO with strictly no porn or imagination, and whether that's ok at 4weeks on? Otherwise what else can I do to relieve the pressure?

don't know

the trouble with masturbating at this point is that it can lead to you doing it again and doing it with porn or fantasy. What kind of pressure are you feeling aside from being horny?

As for the Youtube question, who knows. Imagination is really all we have. When we see something on a computer screen, it is really fed into our imagination. Who can account for what gets us aroused? I was holding hands with my partner today and I felt aroused at the mall. Sometimes we cuddle and I don't feel aroused, even though we're both naked. No accounting for the coming and going of erections.

I won't claim to be an expert

I won't claim to be an expert on the whole experience or what you have in store for you, there are some great pieces of information that will tell you more than I ever could on yourbrainonporn and links in psychology today where Marnia and Gary talk about the mental, emotional and scientific explanation for what occurs and why.

I can tell you this from my own experience, and what I have found to be helpful.

In regard to the youtube stuff: who knows? the mind is very complex and you can't second guess yourself. I know for me personally that porn is still arousing to me, but that on the whole it is less arousing because I know what it represents as far as my own failures in life, how it damages other people and their relationships and how it impedes the people involved in the production from possibly having happier and more fulfilling lives. I now get turned on more quickly when reading personal accounts of intimate experiences than flipping porn on. For me sexual excitement is becoming more about the emotional connection than "getting off".

I'm not sure that it's ever "safe" to MO. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad, it just seems to me that the best way to beat an addiction is to stop the addictive behavior completely. If you're a smoker and you decide well, I'm going to smoke only once a week... well you can't be a non-smoker who smokes once a week... you're just a smoker who smokes once a week, y'know?

I've read here that some people have found a "schedule" beneficial for themselves where they can engage in masturbation without porn or fantasy and that it helps take the edge off, but it also seems that it can trigger relapses easily, as is definitely the case in my own experience.

Don't worry about not having a wet dream or not having spontaneous erections. From what I've read, the lack thereof is not necessarily a bad sign. Everyone's body is different and behaves differently. I think they can be a GOOD sign, when present, but the human body is designed to ready itself for sex with a mate, not your hand... couple that with feelings of apprehension or maybe even fear or guilt of a relapse, then it would only make sense that you might still have trouble with MO but might be progressing better than you realize.

I hope I'm not adding fuel to the fire of confusion, I really would check those sites for more information. All I can tell you as someone who is still in the process of trying for a 100% successful reboot is that you can't give up, and you have to maintain an iron will. I know that I will succeed and that the science behind the brain chemistry aspect of addiction completely supports what's going on and that I can and will get back to being normal. I also know it's going to take time, and that even if I couldn't go back to normal (which I know I can) that eliminating porn and masturbation from life is going to be essential to obtaining and maintaining a healthy relationship with a partner, so it's not an optional thing for me... this HAS to be done.

Good luck and don't worry about the total length of time, take things day by day and don't fixate on it too much.

Thanks

I don't particularly want to ruin my reboot, which is why I am asking. Perhaps it's all in my head but my balls FEEL large and swollen - however they are not, they just feel it - like they're brimming with seamen. I'm constantly adjusting my pants to give myself more air to breath, and at night I've started sleeping commando.

I'm just worried that I'm causing myself health issues by not releasing. I'm stopping smoking weed this week as I feel its inhibiting my ability to dream (the science is still out on whether it inhibits dreams, or just the recollection of dreams).

I'm trying to take it one day at a time. It's just that I've been put under a bit of pressure as of late. My flatmates, family, and friends have all started to comment on how I need to get a girlfriend. They've given me a target of end of June. I appreciate what they are trying to do, but I don't want anything to interfere with the reboot. I still don't feel comfortable going out and meeting strangers yet, but it's certainly started to feel more appealing. I just wish I had started this reboot years ago...

you're doing fine

The body will release semen if it needs to, in a wet dream or something similar. I'm sure there are no health issues with not ejaculating at this point. Just hang in there. The mind will have thoughts that you should test, that this isn't healthy, etc. This is a devious way the mind can convince us to masturbate and end up with porn. So just ignore it and keep doing what you're doing.

I know exactly how to relieve the pressure,

because I went through the same kind of phase in my reboot. I finally had a wet dream at about day 34. In the week leading up to then, I was, like you, subconsciously resisting wet dreams. The reason for that is because your brain has adjusted to resisting arousing thoughts, so when you're sleeping, your brain is still in that resisting phase. That's why your brain is resisting wet dreams. Your body will, however, have to open it's natural release valve, and nature will take it's course. It's gonna be tough in the days an nights leading up to it though. For me, the buildup was so strong, that the need for orgasm almost felt like a need to urinate. The urge did not feel like true libido, it was not even an urge to look at porn. It was just a "frustrated energy" as I call it, that makes you crave a release. In the nights leading up to the wet dream, I was dreaming that I was orgasing, even though I dont remember the dreams being sexual. But my mind was still resisting. So one night, I actually said to myself "it's ok to have a wet dream"..."just let it happen...don't fight it". And sure enough, nature finally took it's course.

That's what I recommend you do. Try to relax before you go to sleep, and tell yourself to let go and not resist. That may help your mind and body loosen up and make it easier to release. You will feel like all the tension has gone. Just beware of the chaser effect, which can temporarily cause a relapse.

I hope this helps.

Looking ahead

Cheers mate. I know it should eventually happen. I've stopped smoking weed during the week now, so I actually have vivid dreams again at night (some of them are pretty crazy! it's good to dream).

The pressure seems to have died down recently. I notice that when I go to clean my snake :) that there is usually some dried seamen on the head behind the foreskin. My guess is that I'm discharging small amounts when I get a hard-on (probably night time ones) though I have definitely not had an orgasm yet.

Last night I masturbated with NO fantasy. I know I know! I shouldn't "check" or "test" myself. But these things get to you. Surprisingly, when I just relaxed and let myself feel the stimulation I was able to get quite aroused! I've NEVER been able to do that before without at least some fantasy. I was shocked when I started to feel an O coming so I immediately stopped as I don't want to compromise anything!