Hey everyone, wanted to give a little update and see if any other guys are interested in joining me on a little project.
I'm on Day 141 of no PM. I had successful sex last weekend and it was a positive experience. I never really had ED problems, but I did have delayed ejaculation problems, weaker erections, and all of the low confidence/lack of focus stuff. I feel like I still need to rewire (I'm thinking I'm probably going to need a consistent partner) but I feel mostly healed. Sex came very late at night and after a long day of drinking and I noticed that my erection wasn't as hard as I would like it to be. That was understandable, I was still extremely sensitive, my recovery time was good and it was a good experience for both parties. However, I've been thinking about the experience and feeling my body over these past few days and I still feel like something's missing from my recovery. And I feel like it's something that I can't just sit around and wait to happen- like I still need to actively do something.
Well, I think what I actively need to do is this:
I started getting into mindfulness stuff a couple years ago. When I started getting into, I started learning about how to go into my body and move energy through different parts. So, when I read the above article, it made a lot of sense to me. The day I read it (back at the beginning of my reboot), I gave the technique a try and discovered that I couldn't go into my genitals in the same way that I could the rest of my body. This fact had grazed my mind in previous experiences of feeling my inner body, but the article and the experience really brought the problem into focus. Throughout my reboot, I tried this technique several times. Every time that I did it, I had the same sensation- strain to feel my genitals in the same way I could feel the rest of my body. But I also noticed that on the same day I tried the technique, I had more movement down there, later in my reboot I had more spontaneous erections, the erections I had were harder without any extra effort on my part, and that region of my body just generally felt healthier. Most recently, I tried it and felt like I could suddenly "flex the tip of my penis" and make it fill with blood, rather than just flexing my PC muscle and hoping the effort went all the way down the shaft. Does that makes sense? In short, I think the technique provides tangible results. I just didn't do it with enough consistency to see sustained results. At this point, I can create the sensation of heat in every other part of my body except my genitals (I can sort of do it a little in them). I still feel very cut off from my penis. This isn't surprising given how much guilt/shame/abuse have occurred in that area over the years. But it's time to overcome all of that.
My plan is to do the technique mentioned in the article, twice/day for 15 min/session for 4-6 weeks. I really think that this is the last step for me and that I'll be 100% ready to go after this. Right now, I feel 85-90% even after close to 5 months. Now, I think I would improve without doing this technique if I found a steady sexual/cuddling partner. However, my current situation still prevents me from doing that and I still just feel like the degree to which I'm cut off from feeling my penis needs to be dealt with.
What I would like is if other guys joined me in doing these exercises at this level of consistency so we can compare results. I think this could be especially helpful for guys who have had a really long reboot and haven't seen results in a while. Marnia has mentioned in the past that these types of energy flow exercises could be helpful for guys, especially the ones with the long difficult reboots. But I also think they could be helpful for guys at all stages of their recovery process. So, if you're interested, please respond and let me know you're on board and I'll try to organize us better. Also, I'm going to make this same post on yourbrainrebalanced.com. Cheers.