Day 2 and I am terrified

Submitted by bob_peru on
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I have been wanting to reboot for almost a year, and I'm finally going forward with it. I am really scared.

I lost my relationship with my partner and best friend because of my porn addiction. I had attempted to reboot while in the relationship, but I was not being totally honest about my masturbation/porn relapses. I had stopped having sex with her in the name of "rebooting". Eventually, she became frustrated (abandoned) to the point of leaving. I am now alone, and desperate. I miss her terribly.

Regardless of what happens with my relationship, I know I can't move forward in my life until I deal with this.

So here I am, on day 2. I am VERY grateful for the support available on this forum.

ty

That's what I'm hoping - that the actions I'm taking will speak to my willingness to connect on a new level.
The challenge is in the talking - period. She won't see/talk to me at all right now.

I'm hoping that will change! But if not, I'll have to eventually accept that too.

Thanks for your message, emerson. Means a lot.

That would have been wise

Hi Marnia,

We did not get that far, unfortunately. Totally my fault - I did not include her in my process to the degree I should have, largely because of the shame.

Regardless, as of today, she is unwilling to go forward with me. She is taking a year off any + all relationships to work on her own addiction issues, mainly around love addiction + codependency. No contact whatsoever. So I am mourning that stuff, on top of the reboot. Yipes!

I definitely need to work on my own codependency: being in recovery for drugs + alcohol, my addiction will transfer to many areas.