I recently went to the doctor (about two months ago) to see about some issues I've been having for years with feelings of depression and anxiety, and more recently, erectile dysfunction. They tested me and found I have significantly low vitamin D, for which I'm now taking vitamin D pills. Anyway, because the depression and anxiety have seemed to worsen in the last year, my sex drive was pretty low and I actually just stopped masturbating to porn 36 days ago. Besides, I'm married now and I thought I should be reserving any sexual urges I have for my wife. I wanted my sex drive back for her. This was before I even knew about this site and about the possibility of porn addiction. I never thought I was addicted, and still am not sure, but there were times when it seemed I'd rather masturbate than have sex, and when I did have sex, I'd have trouble ejaculating. I could only ejaculate on bottom and it felt as if I took too long to do so. Condoms just made things worse. Finally, here in the last year, I've been having trouble getting erections at all, which has led to some painful moments for both myself and my wife. I just want to be normal again so that she knows that I find her very attractive, as she now clearly worries that I don't.
As I said I discovered this site a little after I stopped masturbating completely, or even looking at porn, and I've now had no PMO for about 36 days (I think that's right. Since I didn't know about rebooting, I didn't make an exact note of when I started.). My depression and anxiety don't seem to have improved much and right now I don't have any libido to speak of. I could be staring at a picture of a beautiful naked woman and I'd only feel a vague stirring from my penis at best. The weird thing is that I still feel the urge to masturbate sporadically, though I'm resisting since I feel that it may just be the addiction, since when it comes to sex, or even just seeing an attractive woman out and about, I don't seem to have much drive.
I suppose the reason I'm writing today is to ask for advice. This period must be the flatline for me. Some people say they have more energy and feel better after a while, but I don't. I just feel miserable and I want my sex drive back. I want to make love to my wife again more than anything in the world. I shouldn't want to masturbate more than I want to make love to her. Will this ever end? Thankfully the urges to masturbate aren't coming too frequently or fiercely, and when they do, I just look at my wedding ring and tell myself not to, that it'll only set me back. I know I'm doing the right thing, but I think about this constantly and I'm mired in an agony of depression. I love my wife more than anything in the whole universe and I hate that this stupid thing, that I wasn't even aware of, has caused her any pain.
I apologize for the long post. But if anybody out there has any advice, or can even tell me if what I'm experiencing is a normal part of the process, I'd be extremely grateful. Thanks for reading and good luck to any of you others out there who are going through this too. It's not easy, to be sure.