Female Abstinence

Submitted by Rosa on
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I am an old member returning. I was in a long term marriage that terminated about 3yrs ago and am in a new relationship of 2months. He practices continence. He has asked me to abstain. I am wondering what are the benefits of this for a woman and how they differ from male continence. I seem to be getting increasingly horny each time we have penetrative sex. The last two times he has unexpectedly ejaculated and I feel his withdrawal from me or lack of desire for making love with me due to ejaculating. I believe this sensitivity comes from not having an orgasm. I actually would like to have a vaginal orgasm yet this hasn't happened. My desire for orgasm is to satiate my desire for penetration that doesn't seem to be satisfied. Is there another way to deal with this horniness? Do you have a sublimation practice. I am respecting that my partner doesn't want me to orgasm by self pleasuring during penetrative sex or on my own which I am honoring yet this seems to be increasing my desire/need or wanting. What can I do to honor him and transform this energy so I am not so demanding for an orgasm.

With Curiosity


If he's cumming, it's not continence. If he's cumming and you're not, that's not fair.
For us, the undoing is in the rubbing. When the grinding starts, we gotta pull back if we want karezza. I have learned to find delight in taking that horniness and desire for orgasm up into my heart and focus on that very real physical connection of heart to heart energy. It is super fantastic during penetration with the energy moving up through the body; generated in the genitals and flowing through the heart.
BUT watch for the rubbing! that's lizard brain showing up intending to make some babies!


Hello Aphrodites,

Yes, we are not specifically practicing Karezza yet it's similar (tantra background using yabyang with connected breathing) and maybe we will adopt Karezza as our intention is a heart connection and to use the sexual energy created to connect with heart and soul.

He practices sublimation and I told him about the link this morning that Marnia directed me to and he has asked me to send it to him.

Last time we made love I was doing the kegal exercises to circulate the energy and it seems that was what pushed him over the edge. I am curious to read more about each persons responsibility for the combined intention and perhaps could have taken that on yet at that time I wasn't aware of his level of arousal which he communicated after as being so sudden he couldn't do anything except withdraw from me :(

Yes, there is a sense of not fair yet he's not enjoying his ejaculation and feels it more of a failure and suffers from lack of energy afterwards.

He has been regaining his strength and in the mean time we have paused. We do not live together so I'm wondering if Karezza would work for us not being able to bond daily. This morning we practiced the 5th Tibetan Right (don't remember exact name now) and that seems to have balanced my desire along with reconnection (hugging no intercouse) with him this morning.

Thank you for your comments and open to any more support you or others maybe able to offer.

I guess a good place would be Marnia's book. Is that a how to for Karezza?


It's far more than a "how to"

but you will get tips for karezza in it. You can also consult "Karezza Korner" in the lefthand column.

I wouldn't try to work out "responsibility." Just be gentle with each other. This is a big adjustment and slips happen. Neither of you should feel bad. You may even find you learn more from the slips than the "successes."

You are right that when you don't live together this is more challenging. There's more of a sexual charge to work with. You have to be extra mindful and slow, and not try for "the edge."

When in doubt, do just what you did: stick to affection wtihout sexual performance for a bit...and then try again when you're ready.

Since you're coming from a tantra background, you might also like the work of Diana Richardson. Here are some excerpts from a book for men by her mate: http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson

Wish you both well

and success on your journey. Y'all seem to be on the right track. Yabyum with connected breathing sounds totally yummy!
Kegel's might well be received by the penis as rubbing...just sayin'

No kidding

> Kegel's might well be received by the penis as rubbing...just sayin'

About half of my accidental orgasms have happened after I asked my wife to do some Kegels. So I don't ask for that very often anymore.