Submitted by Yuuichi on
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If somehow anyone doesn’t know what the friendzone is, it’s where a woman thinks of you like a little brother and treats you as such, and seems to have absolutely no attraction for you. I used to really be cautious regarding the friend zone, so when I liked a woman, I used to make it very clear and obvious that I liked her, and I would often compliment her or if we were going somewhere together, I would get them a bar of chocolate or some flowers I picked from the forest nearby. Most of them didn’t seem to like this gesture and never replied warmly when I complimented them or flirted with them, so I think maybe I should had not been so forward. But when I stop being so forward and just stay friendly and try to slowly get closer to her, I get put into what I suppose would be the friend zone.

I suppose one would say that if a woman doesn’t like you at the beginning, she never will and you will always be in the friendzone with her. But don’t women sometimes say that at first they didn’t like their husband but slowly they began to love him? Isn’t seducing a woman a real thing? There has to be a way to go from A (strangers) to C (the woman starts to like you) to D (become a couple). I interpret ‘B’ in this sequence to be ‘become friends’, but how does one do this without falling into the friendzone? It’s a mystery to me.

Thanks for reading.

Karezza to this...?

I am only speaking from my experience as a single woman who seeks a Karezza relationship. The way you talk about women- like they are some vague, mysterious 'Other' species- has me thinking this mindset cannot be helpful to you energetically. Whenever I get confused or frustrated by men and their Yang sexual energy, I become resentful and wilfully misunderstand them. ....not a good place to be. Yes there are huge differences between masculine and feminine- but we are all very similar in basic desires and emotions, even if they manifest differently.

Recognize your power. Become open hearted and compassionate toward yourself. Tap into the Divine/consciousness in you. Work on yourself first to lessen your self consciousness as you approach a woman. She is you and you are her. This wisdom may express in boldness or otherwise.

If there are ways to connect with women in more spiritual communities, you may find less petty, more intelligent and vibrant women. I don't know where you are from- but this is just a thought. It may just be me, but I find that when men make women into a Mystery they cannot reckon with, it is often out of apathy or fear and not out of true compassion or desire to understand.

Have Metta- friendly lovingkindness- for yourself first and let it inform your interactions. If you aren't this way already, be a person of passion and integrity and confidence.

It isn't easy. But this is all so far before Karezza. I imagine there are other forums out there with dating advice.

Thanks for your advice

Thanks for your advice - I’d like to point out that this is part of the forum “Experimenting without a partner”, and part of the section “Anxiety about getting closer to others” so I don’t think making this conversation in this part of the forum is inappropriate.

> The way you talk about women- like they are some vague, mysterious 'Other' species

Do I? Well I can recognise I don’t know a lot about women, but I’m trying to learn more about them, hence my questions and attempts of getting closer. I’m not resentful nor do I willfully misunderstand them as you said. I’m not a serious kind of person! :)

Fair enough.

I don't mean that you have wilfully misunderstood- but I have! Haha. Apologies for the feist. It does come out at times. I guess it is challenging for everyone. It can be really tough to be hopeful. I have a lot of anxiety around it as well for very different reasons, so I am trying to take my own advice right now anyway. I find dating to be a challenge and I have not met men who are open minded to anything besides their orgasm centric ideas.

So- here's to keeping hope alive in the New Year!