Hey guys I finally decided to post after lurking since late december or so after finding YBOP and this site. A bit of background/bio for myself, I've been watching porn at least a decade to 12 years since I was about 11-13, can't recall the exact age. But it was certainly an obsession, especially in later years when I would mb 2-3 times a day to it, sometimes more.
This will be long and I'm sorry but I need to "talk" to someone about this.
I also happened to develop a strong social/general anxiety that I think came about before the porn use. I mention this as its been my chief impediment to functioning in ways I want to. Some times I can actually talk to people no problem and things come naturally albeit rarely and not feeling anxious all the time. I've seen some therapists and its helped only a little, so among the many reasons I want to quit porn is because I believe after reading some of this info, it may have exacerbated my anxiety into the problem it is to this day, heading off any sort off meaningful relationships or simple interactions.
Am I putting too much stock into the porn-mb use to curb this anxiety? I thought not at first but now I don't know.
Dec 26'th I started a reboot of no porn and no mb, made it three weeks and noticed what I thought were significant improvements by the second week(holding eye contact for longer than normal, actual wanting to hold a conversation however brief)but by the end of the third it seemed that some of the anxiety was back and I sorrowfully concluded that the sedative effects from Benadryl I had been taking during the first two weeks accounted for my perceived improvement. So I got depressed and binged(since strong erections came back) going back to amateur porn viewing for a few nights. Since then I've had sporadic stop and go reboots, just got off a six day no mb/porn and I noticed that I give in to mb'ing without any visual stimulation because of the strong impulse of it and weirdly enough a couple days of trying mb without visual stimulation made my attention turn towards porn! I guess my brain has not separated the two during my three week and then on and off reboots, which further disappointed me as I assumed that I was addicted to the porn only and not chronic mb.
Side note-Some odd symptoms I've noticed during reboots have included foul moods(accompanied by a strong urge to mb) and strong sexual dreams as well as headaches and an upsurge in anxiety.
I have a new plan for rebooting- Is this enough to make a difference do you think?
at least a half hour of exercise
Trying to get out of the house and hold at least one conversation however brief
The second the urge to mb hits-get up and be active in doing something else.