I posted a while ago about trying to reach 90 days being orgasm free. I managed to get to over 100 days and life was great. My energy was fantastic and my moods much much better.
However my partner and I were talking about having another baby, and I started having orgasms during sex. We're not really trying full speed ahead for a baby but thought we'd just not 'be careful', and if she became pregnant then that would be great.
Since then we've thought it through again and put 'trying' on hold, but I'm now right back in my addictive patterns. It only took a couple of orgasms and all the urges to look at porn returned with gusto. I managed to reach two weeks without orgasm last week, but I had 'hot' sex with my partner and had a orgasm again. Today I looked and masturbated to porn and feel right back in it.
I've read 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow' and agree with the content 100%. However my partner doesn't buy into it much, or isn't really bothered with it. She likes her orgasms a lot and actually appears much more affectionate and closer after we've made love. So after much observation it seems she is genuinely not particularly affected by orgasm. However for me it's a major major problem due to my many years of sexual addiction. I need to stop without doubt.
Therefore my conclusion is that I need much longer than 100 days to reboot, and a lot of inner work as well. My partner is open to the Ecstatic Exchanges (as long as she has her orgasms at least once a week (approximately)) but I will have to take a very strong lead.
I must make it clear that my partner is a loving and wonderful woman. She's just not into the Karezza way of thinking, and she really is not the problem. Even after orgasm she's loving, tolerant and kind.
In essence though, and overall, I'm not getting a huge amount of support in my quest to be orgasm free. Even my therapist who I'm seeing to address childhood issues that led to the addiction, and is normally very good, said my approach to be orgasm free seemed twisted. Which was a tad discouraging.
Therefore I wanted to post to hopefully hear some feedback, and potential encouragement, if possible.
Tomorrow: Day 1