How bad is my relapse?

Submitted by deadrun on
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Hey everyone,
This is my first post, but I've been struggling with this for a long time. I am happy to report that I have gone 8 months without M, and most of that time without P; however, on a regular social media site a few weeks ago, I saw a pornographic image, and since then I have slipped a few times by looking at pictures--never for very long, but enough to get a rush. Today it was worse than ever, and I spent about 15 minutes skimming images before I stopped myself. I still haven't M at all in 8 months, and have only had release in sex with my wife, but I feel horrible about this. I know I relapsed, but how bad is it? I am considering giving up the internet for everything but basic necessities like checking email. Has anyone else tried this?

you're doing awesomely

no masturbation in 8 months? You're doing great. This relapse is just a blip. Put it behind you. But make sure that you aren't tempted again. Get rid of Facebook and shut off images on your browser, use tools that restrict your browsing, whatever you do to make sure you don't run into triggers

What's been your secret these past 8 months?

I'd also like to know

8 Months is great stuff man. Don't worry about the images. Just try to stay concsious of when you're going into it and stop yourself. Last time I gave up the internet though, I replaced it with netflix which did wonders for me. Eventully, I was able to rationalize not going on the internet much. Basically getting away from it for long enough will give you more power over it.

Unlike many guys struggling

Unlike many guys struggling with this stuff, I never have had any problems with ED or anything, so sexual performance isn't so much of an issue for me. That helps. I would say that overall, though it sounds corny, my 'secret' is that I love my wife, and I feel that for me personally, using P is cheating on her. I had never thought of it that way until a certain point last year. I am also one of those weird 'all-or-nothing' types that have to do everything all the way or nothing at all. I am a recovering alcoholic, but when I quit drinking, I just quit cold, with no relapses. That's not to say that it wasn't difficult--it sucked, and still does occasionally. i just decided I was done. The trouble with P though is that it is so hard to escape, especially on the internet. I was doing so well, and then it started creeping back in.

As a side note, I too tried just Netflix when I first quit PMO...then I discovered that I could find questionable stuff on there too. Triggers are everywhere, i guess. Thanks for your responses; I don't feel quite so terrible now.

I get it

I'm all or nothing too, but the trouble with that is, if you relapse you think "okay, we go from nothing to all" so you binge.

(I quit drinking completely too, and also marijuana, just stopped and never went back. I totally get it.)

So it's good to be "mostly nothing". To be reasonable about it. Try your hardest, avoid porn and triggers, and move on. But a slip-up doesn't mean you have to binge.

Don't binge. You just had a minor slip, so what? So now you go back to not looking at porn and get better at avoiding triggers.

I haven't masturbated for about 6 months and I haven't looked at porn and I turn away from possible triggers. Even reading some parts of this site, I will skim over parts and not read them because they are too exciting for me in a way that I know is trouble.

I find that bonding with my wife and Karezza love making has made it very easy for me to avoid all porn and all masturbation. I think we who have a good or great relationship with a partner have a huge advantage over the single guys here.



So funny how I relate to everything you said

Literally everything you said resonated with me. I too felt like I cheated on my girlfriend with porn, and the all or nothing thing is something I just started to notice about myself. Now that you mention it, I remember the first significant relapse happened because of something I saw on Netflix. Can't believe I forgot that. Thanks for this.