Hey. The last time I made a post here I said that I had a girlfriend and we were planning on doing some karezza-esque things. We are both in our early 20's and are committed to the ideal of chastity (saving sex for marriage).
First, a little bit about myself just so you can know where I'm at on my life journey. I was addicted to pornography from the age of 15, but gave it up after I stumbled upon YourBrainOnPorn.com. Then I was committed to the ideal of being a celibate monk from about 17 onwards, and was actually an ordained monk for a while. But then I fell in love with the girl in question, and could not resist her for the life of me. So here I am.
It is going really well. I feel very close to her with no desire for orgasm at all. I have nearly accidentally slipped into orgasm only once. Blue balls were a problem at first, but I just have learned to calm down every now and again and focus on my breathing.
I have found that I am delighted by other physical features of hers besides the "conventional" sexual parts because of doing this. I am noticing the parts of her body that are sensually delightful but which aren't considered sexual by society, like her arms or her back or cheeks. Just brushing my hand against my partner's face fills me with delight - far more delight than a vulgar sexual act.
I do have a few questions, though.
I often feel as though even though I am cut off from orgasm, there is still a tendency in me to want a "goal". I have an idea in my head that some kind of mystical oneness should be the goal. How to experience this? I have read something about transferring sexual energy to my partner through visualization and breath techniques. How to do?
I notice that I am still losing semen, though I am not orgasming, when I do things like kissing, cuddling, etc. I find this a little bit alarming, because I believe any semen loss at all still causes one to lose Ojas. What do people here think of this? Sometimes I still notice subtle effects of semen loss such as a lack of ambition or vigour. Does engaging in any kind of physical intimacy at all make losing semen inevitable?