I screwed up!

Submitted by ironworld on
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So I was on this forum a few months back and I made it to ~1 month without PMO. I eventually caved - on my own, baked out of my mind, horny, one thing led to another. Anyway, I eventually convinced myself that PMO wasn't my problem. I thought it was just nerves and all I needed to do was get out there in front of a real woman and I'd be fine. I did cut down from daily to about 3 times a week though.

I was able to MO without fantasy or porn which was great, and I still can - though I haven't done it in a while I'm able to excite myself with just my hand.

So yesterday I mustered up the courage to visit a Gentlemen's club (it's legal and fully regulated in my country). The girl I chose was lovely - attractive, nice body, personable and sweet. We got to the room and had a shower together and to be honest I was feeling fairly relaxed. I wasn't shaking with anxiety as I have in the past when given the opportunity of sex.

But alas, nothing. My little fella down below wouldn't budge. Cold and floppy the whole time. WHAT THE F**K? Now I know somethings wrong.

In one way it's extremely depressing - I was hoping to finally get laid, but I guess on the other hand I now have the motivation to actually do this. Pah! To be honest I'm a sea of emotions right now. I feel like my manhood is in jeopardy and that if this doesn't work I'm going to be stuck alone forever. So fingers crossed I guess.

Reassuring words please!

P.S. She was really cool about it. She was a little surprised I was there and said I should be able to easily pick up girls so that was nice of her to say.

Stay Strong

Your experience can seem really frightening, and understand what you have to do at this point. Stick to the no-PMO schedule, and no-MO if possible.

When you were with the girl, did you have any sort of activity below the belt? Completely nothing? or at least semi-activity up until the point where you tried to penetrate?? I know kissing and caressing helps get things started, just because you were with a "Service Provider" doesn't necessarily mean you have to act out like they do in pornos (no kissing just sex)

Nothing

She may as well have not been in the room tbh. I felt a little horny in the shower with her, but once on the bed it went completely soft. I really don't know what to think. She tried oral but it didn't help. Everything she did felt good, I just didn't respond.

In a way I wasn't surprised, and I guess I saw it coming though I didn't want to believe it. I haven't been turned on by a real girl in a very long time. Should you normally get hard when flirting? Would you normally get hard at a strip club? Because I never do. Yet when even the smallest animated gif appears on the computer screen... bam!

It's f**king weird and yes, very scary. Clearly I have a lot of re-wiring to do and a long road ahead.

I'm jealous of those on this forum who have understanding girlfriends. I think that's what I really need right now. Someone to love and hold, and get used to human touch again :(

I guess the good news in all of this is I now know the problem...

Massage

Funnily enough, a spa has just opened in the same building as our offices. I've had a few free massages, but I obviously try and keep any horny thoughts at bay because otherwise it could be quite embarrassing. I will watch that slideshow tonight.

I've read up on it and I get the theory behind it, but I should delve deeper.

Thanks Marnia,

Thanks Marnia,

I've decided to try and not let this get me down. It's given me a huge determination to quit PMO. I want to go back to my teenage self where I would get aroused by girls hitting on me. I know it's in me.

I should add that last night I was quite drowsy, I had been psyching myself up all day (in a nervous way) and I wasn't at all horny. I knew I probably should have left after stepping in the door but once I decide to do something I tend to do it. I'm not trying to make excuses, just saying that I wasn't in the best frame of mind.