I see progress, but where am I ??

Submitted by terryman on
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Hi,
I want to start with saying thank you everyone and marnia here.You have been great help. Thank you.

I'm at day 133 or so without PMO. I haven't had much of libido and If you see my other recent posts, you will know how frustrated I have been.

About 2 months ago(day 70ish), I saw sexual yoga pictures and some nude pictures and it gave me libido and erections. A couple of days before or after that(I don't remember) I had a spontaneous erection at a mall. I thought they were a sign of recovery but after that my libido really went away and when I tested (yes I know I shouldn't have) with nude pictures again or porn (1-2 minutes), my penis did not react at all and I felt nothing (no libido AT ALL). Though I did start to have morning erections (weak) sometimes.

It seemed a looong flatline. But a couple of weeks ago, marnia from this site/forum recommended doing the self massage. I did and my penis got bigger without fantasy, but only on my underwear.It did nothing when I directly touched the penis. I try not to use any fantasy but when I did fantasize a bit, my penis got bigger. But not really hard.

I was frustrated. But, 4-5 days ago, my penis started to react to the direct touch. And what's happening these couple of days is when I touch my penis, it gets bigger easily. It actually got bigger than I have ever seen. I was happily surprised but the thing is my erection does not sustain when I sit on my knees as you would with the missionary position. I massage my penis lying on my back so it does get big/hard enough for the woman-on-top position I would say.

Anyway, for these 5 days I do the massage in the morning and at night, but the thing is every time is different. For example, 2 nights ago just slightly touching my penis made a hard erection. It was so strange. But yesterday morning it needed more "push" to get an erection. I didn't try to get an erection though.What I mean is it needed a little bit more physical stimulation. And Last night it was easier than the morning, but not like 2 nights ago. Then, last night I had a harder than usual morning wood. BUT when I did the massage after that it did not react well (half erection). But it was fine(got an erection) tonight. Not that hard but I had a decent erection. (again, not sustainable for the missionary position though)

So, overall my penis is getting more sensitive for sure. I like it and I'm happy for that. But strangely enough, I have no libido yet and I'm worried.

Also, I am wondering at which stage I am now. I understand everybody is different especially as for how long it would take to heal and I understand that. But I read the progress itself is similar for most guys. That is, withdrawal-flatline-gradual recovery-healing.

So do you think it is safe to assume that I'm now over a long flatline and at the stage of gradual recovery? Also, has anyone experienced the gap between libido and penile reactions to the touch?

Any comments/advice is appreciated.

Thanks

PS
I do know self massage is not to get an erection but now my penis is sensitive and I get an erection easily by touching it. So it is like doing M, but I don't feel like I want to have an orgasm. Just massaging my erected penis without libido, though physically it feels good.

PPS
I'm 36, I was heavily addicted to porn last 20 years. I watched all kinds of "shocking" porn and before I started no PMO I didn't get aroused with anything. I'm writing this because it might have something to do with my not having libido back yet...

Be pleased with your obvious progress

It's not unusual for erections and libido to heal on slightly different schedules. Probably different neurons are involved in each response and they need time to get coordinated with normal stimuli, such as touch.

Stay optimistic. It sounds like you're turning the corner. Sorry it's taking so long. crying

 

Thank you. I'm pleased yes

Thank you. I'm pleased yes :) but it is not stable. Sometimes it is weak and sometimes it gets hard and get soft real soon though randomly it gets hard. It is completely random. Is it a "pattern" you see often? When it doesn't get as hard or big I still get worried :(

Very normal

Those circuits in your brain are working furiously to get you sorted out. Worrying won't help. Go take a walk or visit someone or play some music.

Yeah it's normal it's

Yeah it's normal it's happening to me too, they are as I call Yo Yo erections, mine are finally happening to touch now, for years it's only happened to visual however my brain has taken a long time to respond to the touch stimuli, my own touch does nothing? Nor do i get aroused by visual stimuli ether.Think this is because I have disassociated myself from "self pleasure" and porn but when my gf touches eventually thing start to happen, it's taking a frikin long time though. It was my own fault though as although I cut out the porn totally I still tried to masterbate and orgasm, I've found it's best if you cut these out even with your gf :/