I want to start with saying thank you everyone and marnia here.You have been great help. Thank you.
I'm at day 133 or so without PMO. I haven't had much of libido and If you see my other recent posts, you will know how frustrated I have been.
About 2 months ago(day 70ish), I saw sexual yoga pictures and some nude pictures and it gave me libido and erections. A couple of days before or after that(I don't remember) I had a spontaneous erection at a mall. I thought they were a sign of recovery but after that my libido really went away and when I tested (yes I know I shouldn't have) with nude pictures again or porn (1-2 minutes), my penis did not react at all and I felt nothing (no libido AT ALL). Though I did start to have morning erections (weak) sometimes.
It seemed a looong flatline. But a couple of weeks ago, marnia from this site/forum recommended doing the self massage. I did and my penis got bigger without fantasy, but only on my underwear.It did nothing when I directly touched the penis. I try not to use any fantasy but when I did fantasize a bit, my penis got bigger. But not really hard.
I was frustrated. But, 4-5 days ago, my penis started to react to the direct touch. And what's happening these couple of days is when I touch my penis, it gets bigger easily. It actually got bigger than I have ever seen. I was happily surprised but the thing is my erection does not sustain when I sit on my knees as you would with the missionary position. I massage my penis lying on my back so it does get big/hard enough for the woman-on-top position I would say.
Anyway, for these 5 days I do the massage in the morning and at night, but the thing is every time is different. For example, 2 nights ago just slightly touching my penis made a hard erection. It was so strange. But yesterday morning it needed more "push" to get an erection. I didn't try to get an erection though.What I mean is it needed a little bit more physical stimulation. And Last night it was easier than the morning, but not like 2 nights ago. Then, last night I had a harder than usual morning wood. BUT when I did the massage after that it did not react well (half erection). But it was fine(got an erection) tonight. Not that hard but I had a decent erection. (again, not sustainable for the missionary position though)
So, overall my penis is getting more sensitive for sure. I like it and I'm happy for that. But strangely enough, I have no libido yet and I'm worried.
Also, I am wondering at which stage I am now. I understand everybody is different especially as for how long it would take to heal and I understand that. But I read the progress itself is similar for most guys. That is, withdrawal-flatline-gradual recovery-healing.
So do you think it is safe to assume that I'm now over a long flatline and at the stage of gradual recovery? Also, has anyone experienced the gap between libido and penile reactions to the touch?
Any comments/advice is appreciated.
I do know self massage is not to get an erection but now my penis is sensitive and I get an erection easily by touching it. So it is like doing M, but I don't feel like I want to have an orgasm. Just massaging my erected penis without libido, though physically it feels good.
I'm 36, I was heavily addicted to porn last 20 years. I watched all kinds of "shocking" porn and before I started no PMO I didn't get aroused with anything. I'm writing this because it might have something to do with my not having libido back yet...