There is so much distress in the world today, especially concerning sexuality and intimate relationships. It has often puzzled me – where does this problem come from? My conclusion goes back to ‘disconnection’ – the problem of unfulfilled hungers: needs/wants/desires…
It sucks…It’s no different for me. I’ve wanted to dismantle this in myself for a long time – solve the dilemma of not feeling filled up. Strangely enough, as our techno culture keeps promoting that we need more stuff, more money, more freedom and more sex – the fact is – most of us continue to feel further disconnected and drained.
A few months ago my wife and I decided to try an experiment; “Let’s see if it is possible to energetically and emotionally fill ourselves up with Karezza.” At first it was fun, we were making love at least two hours a day – but as time went on, it became obvious that we couldn’t sustain it. That realization was the start of a whole new attitude and shift in our relationship.
During meditation I thought: ‘maybe Karezza needs an energy source.’ Over the next few days, I began to question what was wrong. The most important thing was the old familiar issue of feeling drained, devitalized and disconnected. So that is where I began to focus my attention. I imagined that if feeling disconnected was the core problem, then solving that would be the answer.
This was a challenge, because it was obvious that I couldn’t fill myself up by “getting” something from someone else. It was more important to find a way to feel fulfilled from within. Instead of expanding outward (as we were used to doing) she and I decided to do the exact opposite – we stopped everything! We choose to spend more time sitting still, reduced eating, stopped watching TV, stopped listening to the radio, stopped buying things, and stopped reading books…
It was bliss! It felt so liberating and freeing to just float in the moment. Our love connection and relationship soared to a whole new level of compatibility, respect, tenderness and kindness. Now it is wonderfully satisfying to meditate together, burn incense, eat simple bread, listen to soft music, not speak too much, spend time in nature and slowly make love with no goals, no tension, no struggle to get anything from one another.
This is the magic of practicing Karezza, using it to express and extend joy - floating in the energy of prana. For us, prana (chi) energy has to come first, by creating an environment that is soothing, nurturing and connected to the heart. If we engage in Karezza from the head-brain as a method to “get” something, then the real magic of its’ gifts are overlooked. It should be a way to “extend,” life-force energy. But to do that, we need to fill ourselves first.
And this has been the problem, because it wasn’t clear to us how to individually do that. Since our experiment began, we’ve narrowed it down to eight things that we need to do each day in order to stay coupled and joined in the heart. These are: meditation (as a way to draw in prana energy), creating a sacred environment, simple food, yoga exercise, time in silence, time in nature, time in service and Karezza.