Karezza so far

Submitted by Nicholas on
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I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year.

The relationship was quite challenging for a number of months -- we would argue and I would often feel irritated with her. The arguments were frequent and the relationship was up and down like a rollarcoaster. It could shift in an instant into unhappiness and conflict. Overall, I was unhappy. I started to realized I was experiencing this strange general resistance towards my girlfriend that I couldn't put words to and out of that energy field arose irritation, impatience, and basically cold feelings towards her. Ioften felt like she was a 'stranger'.

About two months ago, I was reintroduced to reuniting.info by a friend. I remembered my experiences with karezza in a relationship I was in a couple of years ago and how powerful those experiences were. I'd almost forgotton about it all.

I decided to stop having orgasm, and reintroduced myself to the concepts presented here on reuniting, regarding the limbic system and other parts of the brain. It was fascinating to me to go through these concepts again and see how they seemed to be true in my direct experience. In particular, perhaps these were answers to the general resistance that I couldn't put words to.

In the first month, nothing seemed to change. However, since about the fourth week of no orgasm and practicing karezza with my girlfriend, I've experienced increasingly loving and warm and safe and close feelings with my girlfriend. It's really refreshing and I know that this is the feeling I want with the woman I choose to be with. Seems that these are the effects of more oxytocin and less dopamine surges in the limbic system. It is fascining to me how it took about a month to start changing, indicating that it takes around that time for the brain to 'reset'.

Currently, I still am attracted to novel women and notice that it is the *novelty* of the prospect of a experiencing a novel woman that the ego within is attracted to.

In a way, it feels like the brain gets mini-dopamine kicks simply by *looking* at the body of a new woman. It requries focus and concentration to stop myself from looking at the body's of other women. I am wondering if this might change... have the men who have been practicing karezza find that this changes? Will these mini 'kicks' ever go away? Or will they change quality somehow? Perhaps this is something to simply be accepted as a part of being a human male. Or maybe it changes with age also... (currently I'm 27).

Grateful to share again!
Nick

well I still look, LOL

and I appreciate younger beautiful women. But it doesn't bother me or make me yearn for someone else. I think it's quite normal to look and appreciate a beautiful woman. 

When I've had an orgasm recently, it changes my perceptions and I look at this random woman differently. After a few weeks that subsides. But I still look and enjoy.

I hope my wife can look and enjoy a handsome young hunk too. Why not?

Thanks for sharing your experience

Since the attraction-to-novelty has been addressed, I'll speak about the timing. I'm wondering if there are two (or more) effects going on.

First there's the "hangover cycle" after sexual satiety, but few people report effects beyond a week or two. Then there's possibly a "desensitization" effect that takes longer to rebound. It's going to be hard to tease these two apart, seems to me. But we definitely see both in single guys who are experimenting with quitting porn. This article discusses them both: Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?

feminine energy as a gift, not a trap

Elsewhere, I have heard men talk about appreciating the blessing of feminine energy when you encounter it, without getting hooked into lust. In other words, breathing in the feminine energy as a gift without getting stuck in feeling that you want or need sex; just enjoying the energy boost as fuel for accomplishing great things.

If that makes sense and is possible, I think it's an attitude that's honoring and respectful toward both your relationship and the beautiful strangers you pass on the street.

In other words, maybe it's simply human to feel the magnetic pull, but you can separate it from the oh-I-got-to-get-some meaning that less mature men naturally assign to it, and simply, thankfully, honoringly use the magnetism to slingshot yourself on your way toward your true, deep purpose.

The thing is, feminine energy

The thing is, feminine energy is also available from my wise grandmother and my darling undeveloped 10-year-old niece. It still seems like more often "looking at the ones we're conditioned to see as sexually attractive" has a controlling hold on people who think the 16 to 26 year olds without weight issues and preferably with augmented breasts and high cheek bones are the ones to get feminine energy from.

Even that -- what we consider sexually attractive isn't god-given, it's what the USA pounds into us as sexual allure. Other cultures condition their men to find attraction in things like feet forced to be so small the women can barely walk or necks artificially lengthened from bands placed around them as young girls. It seems men might actually have more power over what they choose to see as attractive than what has been explored so far. But just leaving it to cultural conditioning, I don't see it going away anytime soon.

Would like to add that this isn't an issue about "shallow men" as they've been too often accused of. Women might be "admiring" other men in less obvious ways, but they're seeing something they yearn for, vs. just "admiring and taking in masculine energy" when they gaze at a handsome singer crooning a love song or read their romance novels of very wealthy men their husbands can't live up to. We women can be as shallow as a puddle of water on a hot summer day.

dear everyone,

thank you for commenting.
I'm grateful to feel more in love with my girlfriend... that's the nicest thing about karezza and focussing on oxytocin-promoting behaviors. I feel more in touch with her and myself, and warmer towards her.
For me, there's an addictive quality to looking at and processing women's bodies that I would like to evolve past.
However, I'm letting go of the guilt I've carried about being addicted to looking at women's body's.
Undying--your message reminds me of a concept I've heard before, 'transmutation'. It's interesting and I'm going to try it. Maybe 'lust' is just energy, and the energy can be 'directed' and 'harnessed' into other more useful intentions in the moment. Interesting.
Kinda like when in karezza I'm more open and sensitive to energy flowing through the body, and not allowing it to get stuck anywhere--especially in the genitals where it can build up and move towards orgasm--and moving it towards the heart. Seems to be in line somewhat to your comment-"without getting stuck in feeling that you want or need sex." However, seems this will require willingness to let go of the juicy feeling of processing women's bodies.

Your girlfriend is a lucky

Your girlfriend is a lucky gal! It's far easier to defend the desire to get little highs from sexually attractive women's bodies as harmless and inescapable, or to shame it as what conservative religions do or to feel guilt and hide it.

You come right out with how it affects you, describe it very clearly, and have a desire to evolve beyond it from a place more of peace rather than guilt. Rare qualities. I know many women who would like clones of you. They talk about this possibility in men that you just described in yourself -- then eventually say, "Nah, it'll never happen."

Looking

Last night, I had an assignment in a drawing class to partner with another classmate, find out one interesting fact about each other, find out why they are taking the class, and to draw each other's face.
The instructor told us that this would be only a fifteen minute exercise because looking into each other's eyes too long leads to too strong an attraction.
(This young girl kept moving!) it was difficult to draw her partly because every time I studied her face, I saw something of Linda (my wife of 35 years).
But, hey -- Ya gotta look!