Often during Karezza I get the feeling that the perfect potential for accomplishing emotional and psychological equilibrium is just a moment away. When it comes to tapping into that energy there simply seems to be no end to how high a couple can go. There have been many instances where we’ve stumbled out of bed and remarked, “Oh my God, that was the best ever.” Ironically, we’ve been saying that regularly for two or three years now! Strangely enough it really does feel that way.
Not that there aren’t various kinds of blocks or emotional barriers and disturbing structures that tend to hinder the level of deepening we’d like to achieve, it’s just that they are diminishing more and more. It’s obvious in the way we relate to each other and to life in general. One of the most important foundations in all this, especially in terms of Karezza practice, is that it must be regarded as that – practice.
For us, the biggest breakthrough in our sexual experience really began when we started using a practice called “tonglen” – a Tibetan meditation technique, where you deliberately breathe in the pain you feel and breathe out compassion and loving kindness. To a certain degree it’s really just sort of a mind trick, but it does work, precisely because it’s based on the dynamic energy of the torus – a living field of energy, one that circulates through and around the human body. Just look up information on YouTube and you’ll find a wealth of scientific evidence about this subject.
The torus field is a natural human experience, and it flows powerfully when a man and a woman are sexually in sync. However, the sensitive armoring and blocks we all have in our lives come from years of emotional lockdown of our feelings, eventually manifesting as barriers to satisfying intimacy in sexual experience. Furthermore, orgasm and the addictive push for more of them is often just a way for people to grasp relief from the torment of emotional and mental discomfort and frustration.
As Marnia and Gary have explained over and over, pushing for orgasm is so detrimental to experiencing satisfying relationships, because underneath that drive is the biological wiring to grasp pleasure and push away pain. The beauty of tonglen is that it teaches you to do the opposite. Instead of grabbing for pleasure, you openly welcome pain in whatever form comes up, whether emotional disappointment, fear, physical discomfort, anger, frustration, heartbreak, insecurity, feeling unloved – all of it – and then to extend out what you do want to others, especially your partner - comfort, loving kindness, compassion, feelings of abundance, tenderness, well-being, peace…
But we’re not wired to do this naturally. We have to go against the stream, against the programming. That’s why it is impossible to pick up a person at a bar or hotel and get together for casual sex and expect it to really be satisfying. Such encounters can never open you up to higher levels of divine experience, and neither can bigger, stronger orgasms. Whenever you meet a new person and seek to have a relationship with them, there is always going to be certain layers of armoring that have to be worked through – and that takes time and commitment.
Some contemporary tantra teachers try to get groups of people to feel comfortable with expressing sensual confidence toward one another, which seems to me to be the long way around. Typically, each new person you work with presents another cover of defense that you have to deal with. And so workshops that seek to establish “safe-environments” for intimate contact for those who don’t have committed partners is probably helpful in rare cases, but in general, is probably detrimental for the rest of us.
Therefore, I think that working with one person on the path of non-orgasmic Karezza sex is essential if you want to attain genuine spiritual progress. Similarly, it’s the same reason why serious competitive dance partners work one on one – they know it’s the only way to work out the kinks, the armoring, and all the barriers that prevent a deepening of synergetic connection with each other’s energetic (torus) field. Bonding practices, cuddling, loving-kindness techniques or Tonglen can clear a lot of ground in a short period of time.
Perhaps that’s why there has been so much emphasis in ancient writings of every culture about the significance of “divine couples” - Shiva-Shakti, Krishna-Radha, Osiris-Isis, Adam-Eve, Vishnu-Lakshmi, Jesus-Mary Magdalene – because there is a known, yet hidden understanding, a body of esoteric knowledge concerning the benefits of working with a partner exclusively in order to break down the barriers of the ego-animal programming and awaken the fires of kundalini as a path to realize God.
The zeal a committed couple can generate is an awesome amount of creative power; especially when the blocks are removed and the chakras are opened and there is an unhindered, free-flowing torus field of sexual energy. For me, this is really the most fascinating aspect of Karezza lovemaking, a direct way to make connection with the innate, divine energy of God. As mentioned in sources that discuss White Tantra (or non-orgasmic sex) it is clear that there is body of ancient knowledge concerning the potential for couples to harmonize their sexual relationship and experience the delightful miracle of circulating power and energy around their bodies. Once generated, the frustrations and disappointments of ordinary life will surely begin to fade and become less problematic.