This site is the first thing that has ever made sense to me of something that happened to me. At 38, I'm now a lesbian, but I used to have relationships with men.
I found that I enjoyed the early stages of these relationships - all of the cuddling, kissing, and connecting. Every time - WITHOUT EXCEPTION - that I had sex with a partner, the dynamic so changed afterward... and to something that no longer appealed to me. It's not that I didn't enjoy the sex (though I later did become totally turned off to men and to male-female sex), but that I felt like my partners always "left" me afterward, even if they stayed in the relationship. I even felt like this with my ex husband. It's like they always "checked out" and stopped engaging with me. I liked them better when they were trying to get me into bed than I liked them afterward.
My experience with men was that we would have long conversations and spur each other to growth, but that -always- went away the day after the relationship became sexual. In one case - this was my ex husband - I had 15 years of friendship with the man, connecting on every other possible level, then the "deadness" set in after sex and after we married, he retreated into porn and stopped even talking to me.
Every time I had sex, whatever had drawn me into the relationship went away. I remember one time, one lover actually looked dehydrated and deflated and less alive after we had sex - it was kind of horrifying to behold - and he completely lost interest in me afterward.
I came to prefer my platonic male friendships to actually dating men, and was celibate for a long time in my 20s just because I was sick of the sexual dynamic. I did go back to having male lovers for a time, in my 30s, and even married briefly, but increasingly, the men were more and more desensitized and porn-addicted.
I guess it isn't that surprising that eventually I decided to try having a woman partner, even though I don't have the childhood/teenage typical "coming out" narrative and used to date a lot of men.
I expected to just experiment but ended up in a long term relationship. I did have a woman lover (my most recent long term partner) and it was a much better experience. She had to re-train me, however; I was used to how men functioned sexually and had become, myself, more "male" in my response pattern. She re-trained me into being more slow, sensual, and connecting with my partners rather than trying to "get each other off".
I enjoy men as people and have always enjoyed my male friends, and some of these friendships got quite deep. In one case, one friendship became very deep and skirted the edge of being romantic, but my experience with sex had been so bad by that point that I didn't want to ruin the friendship and connection by having sex with him. Who knows, because he was an open minded and experimental kind of guy (was interested in Tantra and breath control and such), perhaps he would have been interested in karezza, but I didn't know about it at the time. We did have a "friends with benefits" relationship but never went "all the way" nor did I ever touch him.
And now I'm at the point where I am no longer even sexually attracted to men. :/
Anyway... Thank you for listening. This is the first site that's ever helped me make sense of what happened.