Masturbation/Fantasy after a successful reboot

Submitted by Circle on
Printer-friendly version

I sucessfully recovered from a lifelong addiction to BDSM porn a couple of months ago, with help from this very forum. However my interest in BDSM remains. I'm not afraid of ever relapsing, I only did once and I have no intention of getting addicted again. There is no doubt in my mind that I will never masturbate to porn again.
But I am in the process of entering into a (casual) bdsm relationship. Is this a mistake? Will the arousal from the power exchange and the non-sexual aspects of BDSM inhibit my normal sexual urges like before? And what about my erection strength?
As well, I have gotten quite some requests about online domination. How bad would this be? I haven't looked at pornography since last July, and I've only masturbated maybe 5 times since then, with about 8 normal sexual encounters since I've healed. Thanks!


Many mistresses that I've seen said you can only really live a vanilla life or a bdsm life. I would choose the first one as it is more balanced even though at times my sexual drive wants the second one more.


rebooted to a point i was pretty confident aboout my erctions (end of december), though i do not know if i would have been successful at sex as i did not try at the time (i would not say i was 100% or very near it), but in the 3 months following i did a lot of online (no visual) stuff regarding fantasy and MO. When it came to sex a couple of weeks ago, i simply was not excited enough by a mere woman (i had to try to fantasise to get anywhere).

Personally i think for a PMO recovery/recently recovered person it is bad, based on my experience thus far.

If it is with a real woman that may not be so bad, but again you may be wiring to unhealthy and unobtainable (in normal circumstances) sex.

PS I am not having to reboot a second time, whether that is because the first was not enough, or due to the fantasy, i dont know....perhaps a mix of both is likely.

So you couldn't get an

So you couldn't get an erection? Or you just werent aroused by normal sex much anymore? And what do you mean you didn't have to do a second reboot?
I'm not planning on any masturbation for online. I'm not even really considering it very much. But I am definately going to try it out in real life.

Thanks Marnia, I'm not too

Thanks Marnia, I'm not too worried about becoming reabsorbed into BDSM. I've thought about it a lot and it could never satisfy me the way a normal relationship could. But it's sexy as hell and I actually have had fantasies about it long before i ever looked at any porn


have an erection to fantasy, not aroused enough by normal sex to get a suitable erection there, a large part of this may have been anxiety driven as i have not been with a woman for a few years, but also it did not seem exciting/arousing enough compared to my vivid imagination/fantasy experiences over the last few years.

Correction on typo, meant "Now having to do a second reboot", not "Not having to do a second reboot".

Perhaps doing it in person is not so bad, but if as in my case my infactuation with a certain/specific fantasy has not fully subsided (it may take a couple of years i guess like Marnia said) then getting a girl to reinact those fantasies may not be such a good idea (For me). I need to rewire to normal/"Vanilla" sex.... How funny is that, I'm way past Vanilla sex, finding it boring without having done it very much...well funny is probably not the right word :-(, but we smile and we march on to recovery.

With Hindisight, i think fantasies/fetishes are ok and perhaps great if you have a strong depth of healthy normal sexual behaviour to build on. The problem i have, is that porn/fantasies have given me a great depth in fetishes, with only a thin layer of 'normal'/healthy actual sex. 1%-99%, when the ratio should perhaps be the otherway around or 80/20 or summit like that Smile


Thanks for all your input

Thanks for all your input guys. I'm definately not doing the online. Not worth a second reboot at all! I think Vis is right about the whole ratio. I am trying to get some normal sex into the mix as well. But BDSM will always be more exciting so I am going to take it slow. Really the problem is that I haven't found a girlfriend yet! Social anxiety sucks. But yes, we march on to recovery.