Submitted by etgalore on
Printer-friendly version

I haven't been on the site in a while. I haven't seen P in years. I've done 40-80 day reboots a few times in the past but I think I was fantasizing quite a lot. Ok, I know I was. Between the last reboot and the one I am about to describe, I was going maybe two or three weeks between some MO sessions with really intense fantasies, some special fantasies, and most recently some gay fantasies about someone I know.

So now I'm in a new place, literally and figuratively. Moved into my own rather kickass apartment. I've gone 39 days with absolutely no PMO. No fantasies either, for the most part. I would say if I have a fantasy it lasts for 10-20 seconds and I catch it and that has happened maybe 5 times in the past 39 days. Now I'm a little scared, because, well, there's so little activity in a certain area.

I just put myself up on one of the dating sites, but I'm kind of scared. I went on before and met some women but it's just horrible to think of that moment when everybody's naked and somebody is still dormant. This only happened with the one person, but it was traumatic enough that I can't imagine things working out with someone new.

I've heard reports of guys going to prostitutes to see if things would still work, but I don't want to do that. But I'm finding it hard not to obsess and worry about this. And it's going to effect my demeanor when I meet new people or try to proceed with them. It's going to make me nervous unless I have some sort solidity. And I don't mean that kind. I mean mental and emotional solidity about it.

I'm not sure what to do. I'd especially like to hear from guys who had to face these types fears.

there is a great solution

First, recognize as you do I think, that the problem really has come from porn and the fantasy mindset that porn has created in the brain. You are doing great in suppressing fantasy. Not masturbating and not fantasizing and not watching porn will help your brain in a big way.

Second, decide that your next encounters with a woman will be non-performance driven. That you will take things slow. That you will savor her and cuddle with her and just be physical without having intercourse.

Third, when you do finally have intercourse, you'll have had loads of erections in step #2. And here's the key: try not to have an orgasm. Try to just insert and be with her and not come. Let her know that's what you're doing. Now there isn't any big performance pressure on.

If you are unsure about a condom at first, try to have intercourse around her period where she can't get pregnant assuming you are free from STDs and so is she. But really, without performance pressures, it is much easier to put on a condom and stay erect because you don't have expectations.

Fourth, and this is really the solution, realize your penis isn't a part of you. I know it sounds weird. But the penis does what it does regardless of what you think it should do. You and your woman will be seeing what happens. You'll find out. And without performance pressure, it's all okay. You can always give your woman oral sex and have a very satisfactory time if she wants an orgasm.

This all will have built up Oxytocin in your brain and will have created some new pleasure pathways, or really will have found some of the old ones that are unrelated to porn. And you'll enjoy the heck out of your time with your woman and there won't be this fixation on intercourse with ejaculation.

This also brings a lightness into the bedroom and it is MUCH more likely your penis will be hard. And your woman won't be upset because you're not upset. It's the tension and stress and anxiety that you have that transmits wordlesslly to your woman and makes it all a big daunting unpleasant chore. Without that, it's light, it's pleasurable and it's fun no matter what happens.



You are right and you reminded me of so many important things. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that.