Not sure what is the problem?

Submitted by Localano on
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Hello guys,
I have read several discussions about related issues (POIS, porn addiction, sexual exhaustion)
But i am not sure what is the thing i am suffering...

I am 23 y old.
I dont watch porn generally , only twice a month or none. But i was extreme masturbator more than 5 times per day.. 5 -10 every day.
Most problems are mental ,cognitive. Brain fog,cant concentrate,feeling tired. My analytical thought was impaired and felt stupid. I was getting used to these symptoms but had difficulties doing my job and studies... Days passed and couldnt do anything.... Also i couldnt find words to speak..

I had tried in the past to quit masturbation and then keep it minimum . When i was younger after quitting masturbation changes where rapid. Within a week i got many new friends and found the best girlfriend i ever had. Sometimes during that period i felt tired but with little rest i was very alive again.. During masturbation periods nothing makes me feel good and energetic. I don't know if its a placebo but it works for me. It works better i believe if you do physical exercise and not sitting home all day.

I dont believe that i am addicted to porn but was addicted with hot girls photos. I was seeking all day hot girl photos not nude most of the time. Fantasizing almost impaired and was more mechanical thing..

I am 4 day without masturbation , but didnt know that fantasy was that bad ,but seems it is. Fantasy and watching photos without masturbation builds up psychological pressure but i believe that makes things a bit worse , i feel the urge to do it something but at the same time i feel bad disoriented.

As i am gettting older, when i abstain the benefetis come slower. During these 4 day period i managed to do lots of stuff , could design some innovating stuff for my projects (before it has impossible like brain stopped working),easier to focus and accomplish tasks i have to do. I became a bit more fluent than i was and i cant sleep more than 6-6:30 hours but i feel that they are enough...

I was determined to quit it since i had sex 2-3 times per week,but after 2 weeks of abstaining i had premature ejacuation during sex for three times in a row so i gave up in week 3..Maybe b-complex supplements were the culprit for this but i was afraid and started masturbating again....

So i am not sure what i have. Because even i quit masturbation etc during an 8 day vacation for example with my gf and sex once per day i dont feel any better...

So i am not sure if i have something else.... At least i know it helps to reduce it and i am going to meditate again and quit fantasizing stuff that cause harm.
Finally i would like to say that for a period i was addicted to strange underground porn images with violence mutilation etc.

What do you think ?What can i do ?

Retrain your brain

Sexual energy is like water. It tends to flow through the path of least resistance. If there is a gorge, then the water is going to follow the gorge.

Many of us have created a deep gorge in our brains that causes our sexual energy to naturally flow down and out through ejaculation. The gorge was formed through a habit of stimulating ourselves to ejaculation every time that we have sex. So long as this deep gorge of habitual ejaculation remains the dominant path for sexual energy to flow in, conserving sexual energy will be difficult. Whenever you do manage to build up a good sexual charge, it will just be more anxious to flow down and out through ejaculation.

I think there are two things that you need to do in order to move forward:
1) Strengthen other pathways for sexual energy to flow
2) Weaken the dominance of the ejaculation path

The first point is addressed through bonding behaviors and intention setting. Phsyical sex is not the only way that sexual energy can flow in a relationship. There are multiple levels of connection that can be used. You strengthen those other paths by using them and intending your sexual energy to flow through them. Talk with her. Do fun things with her. Cuddle her and be affectionnate with her. Intend for her to feel your masculine warmth when you do these things.

I think it is very useful for men who are starting to do semen retention to abstain from phsyical sex for a while and significantly ramp up these other things. Set the intention for your energy to flow powerfully in these activities and you will feel the difference. She will feel the difference as well.

If you dam up the gorge for a while, the water will start flowing through any path that is still available to it. It will widen these other paths as it uses them. Sexual energy will do the same.

Eventually you will want to bring physical sex back in. In preperation for that, you want to weaken the connection between sex and ejaculation in your brain. There are some deeply engrained neural pathways that need to be undone to some extent.

I accomplished this by doing a solo sexual practice. I stimulated myself to the point where I could feel the energy build in my genitals, but I did not allow myself to ejaculate. Instead, I imagined myself just gently making love to my wife. It was not a graphic imagining of sex. I was just holding the idea of making love to her while slowly and gently arousing myself. I also repeated a simple mantra in my head. I said to myself "let it flow to her. Let it flow on all levels." Be careful not to go too close to orgasm. The idea here is to train your brain to enjoy the sensation of being sexually aroused without trying to release the tension through ejaculation. You can accomplish that goal without the mantra, but I wanted to kill two birds with one stone. I was resisting the gravitaional pull of ejaculation while consciously focusing on other ways for energy to flow. When I was done I would set the intention for the energy to disperse through my whole body so that it could serve every aspect of my life.

In case it isn't obvious, I am a huge proponent of conscious intention setting. It is a very powerful tool that very few people use. In any case ...

It took a few months, but I was able to seperate ejaculation and arousal. I have not had a wet dream in well over two years despite some lengthy periods of semen retention and some very "interesting" dreams. I can also have intercourse with my wife for long periods of time without feeling that I am going to lose control.

It is a process of retraining. You consciously move away form the default mode of "down and out" and train your sexual energy to flow on multiple levels instead. You also retrain the brain to break the hard link between arousal and the need for ejaculation.

This takes patience and self-compassion. It might be frustrating for a while, and you might have slip-ups. Just keep forgiving yourself for mistakes and stay true to your intentions.

Eventually, your energy will be flowing so strongly on every level that it will be impossible for other people to interact with you without feeling how warm and masculine you are. They will want to be in your company without knowing exactly why. You just feel so good to be around. Your words have so much warm energy that talking to you feels good. Your touch has so much warm energy that they want to touch you. You can even get to the point where simply looking at them creates a flow of energy that they can feel. Being with you feels like cozying up to a warm fire. The most attractive men radiate masculine energy on every level, and people soak it up.

The same is true of women, only it is a cool and inviting energy instead. You look into the eyes of deeply yin woman you feel like you just want to dive into them. She is a cool and inviting lake that you would love to swim in. Her voice draws you in and hynotizes you so that you can focus on nothing else. Her touch causes you hearth fire to roar up. Every bit of yang energy in you wants to flow to her. Such is the power of the deep yin, and the reason that celibate monks go well out of their way to avoid pretty young girls :) They do not want to lose some their carefully conserved yang energy simply because a beautiful woman smiled at them.

Of course, everyone here knows that englightenment is not about hoarding more and more sexual energy. It is about balance. But I digress ...

Life is so much richer and more beautiful when you are flowing on all levels. It is well worth the frusturating process of retraining.

Good luck! Come back here whenever you need support.

I feel that your reply is the

I feel that your reply is the best most reasonable answer i ever got.

I think that i was loosing all my energy (2-3 hour intervals) with ejacuation. I am at day 11 and feel lot better ,although had problems the other days but i believe that it is because energy didnt flow.

I tried the suggestions you said with my gf, and it worked really well. She was easilly bored when we hanged out but when i did what you said things changed and she had great time like never had. I recall that the most succesful attractive man i ever knew had behavior you describe.

As for "Weaken the dominance of the ejaculation path" , i have never really thought of this but somehow i am on this way. I cant avoid sex but after meditating and doing what you did ,although had sex didnt ejacuate or even came close , no matter what . Unluckily she prefers tough sex not romantic. But i prefer slow etc and this is a problem.

Keep experimenting

and be patient. It can take months to retrain your brain.

Read this page:

Can you watch these videos?

Whatever you were watching, your brain can change. Brains are stubborn...but plastic. A lot of guys escalate to wild porn as their brains spiral down into addiction. The good news is that tastes change back as their brains return to normal sensitivity.

But you may go through a nasty withdrawal first, so be prepared:

Here are two good forums with even more guys who are recovering, so you may want to go there to get more first-hand advice.