Obsessive sexual thoughts about girl who rejected me

Submitted by conqueran on
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This post may seem a little strange or maybe not.. I consider myself a christian and i attend this weekly prayer gathering before church every Sunday. I thought it a good idea to become better friends with a girl there cause i liked her energy. I didn't have a sexual interest but I wanted to see what would happen anyway. I thought a possible relationship could develop. What ended up happening was she told me she liked someone else and i was a little hurt but i got over it and continued to attend the group as well as she. I would say 2 and a half weeks later i felt fine about it and figured that it was no big deal because i didn't have a sexual interest anyway and could find someone who had all qualities. However the very next day I had powerful sexual thoughts about her (as if we were together having sex). The thoughts re-occured over the next several weeks and seemed to only get stronger. It felt like we were together in my mind having sex or simply karezza related sex and it was more powerful then any other sexual experience i had.. Basically i started to feel immense attraction in my mind towards a girl who rejected me. Each week returning to prayer group was kind of tense, I figured she was also having those thoughts and it would be tense because of a tendency to wait till sex after marriage in Christianity. Plus there is a block in terms of communication. I haven't asked her out again and here we are 7 months later and these thoughts keep re-occuring and its a little bit unhealthy because i often masturbate when i think of them. Almost every time i think about sex she enters the picture. We still see each other every week for this Christian prayer group and she is not seeing anyone (whoever this guy she said she liked over me). What do you guys think about this? I basically feel a large sexual attraction towards a Christian girl who is probably guilty about anything sex related and is difficult to talk to in an honest way. Not sure what to do here but i've asked others for prayers to at least let go of the obsessive sexual thoughts or something.. Thanks for reading.

Let go of the fantasy

Here's my $.02. I agree with your conclusion that you should let go of these obsessive thoughts. It's good that you're aware of that. From your description, your sexual thoughts about this girl are one-sided; they are only in your mind and not part of a relationship you're having with her. You need to be clear that this is fantasy and nothing more. It's not constructive because it does nothing to move you closer to a relationship (or even sex) with her. It will only lead to frustration at best, or worse - inappropriate energy emanating from you.

You can only take her at her word. If she says she's not interested, then that's the truth until you hear otherwise. Even if she has "issues", they are hers to deal with, not yours.

Of course, there would be nothing wrong with asking her out again. If you feel like she's receptive to you and is likely to want to spend time with you, then give it a shot. But you're probably better off to clear your head of the sexually obsessive thoughts about her first, if at all possible.

Hope that helps.

I've let go of the

I've let go of the masturbating to her yet the sex thoughts can still occur.. I feel easier around her and she seems easier around me. This stuff really works. Since we need to see each other every week in prayer group its best to let go of a lot of which i was carrying. I haven't completely given up masturbation though I admit but I see mostly I lose a lot of energy when i do so. Anyway thanks for reading.

I like lots of girls but this

I like lots of girls but this one is in my life the most i would say. I haven't felt motivated to find someone else. Girls often do change their mind, not saying it will happen but based on some of the things she has done lately for me she might (or might have already).. thnks

Ok new problem.. Every time i

Ok new problem.. Every time i avoid ejaculation, it does seem true that this particular woman becomes more attracted to me, but so do a lot of other women in the church. I don't want to hurt anyone and if there could be a way to just get the woman i am interested in to like me more and not all the others it would be great. I end up ejaculating again because my sex drive shoots so high and i can feel the energy constantly with these church girls and it happens with a lot of them. I tend to be very easy-going around women and i think they like me anyway even when i masturbate, but when i don't masturbate it becomes ridiculous.. Yesterday i was at a party and i was getting hugged talked to, looked at by the various women there and a part of me likes it a part of me doesnt like it cause i can't go around having sex with women in the church, theres too much guilt, shame, baggage etc.. I don't want to leave the church at all cause i get a lot out of being there.. Agh this is frusturating... I always feel better when i dont ejaculate but i also become super attractive, i wonder if i could turn that off for women other then the one i want to be with. Anyway i'm blabbin on and on.. Any advice? It also doesn't help that most of the single people in this church are women not men, so there is a demand for single men.. Anyway i'm done.

however maybe you have a

however maybe you have a point.. I'm considering this, because overall Ms Right still hasn't taken back what she said, and although she does nice things for me, she is not clear about her intentions.. Dating other women might be just something to consider doing, not necessarily do, but maybe be open to it in case someone cool comes a long.