Porn Induced ED - My Situation May Be Slightly Unique...

Submitted by DEALYF on
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Hey all...brand new to the forum and this subject (only learned about it 6 days ago).

So, just some quick background. As a young child, I was first introduced to "sex" and naked women in the form of pornography (my babysitter used to watch it when i was about 4 or 5 years old and practically forced me to watch it with her. I truthfully don't remember being touched by her, or sexually abused, but I do remember her routinely popping in porn VHS/tapes while my sister and I were next to her on the couch). I never told anyone about this until very recently (I don't want to derail the thread with this topic, or if she was reported to police, etc...but she wasn't, and god knows where she is now).

With that said, I grew up with an attachment to porn and seeing naked women on a screen (as opposed to in person), and actually grew content with this all of my life. Like others in this forum, I have a tendency to have a "lifeless penis" in certain situations with my current girlfriend (who is absolutely beautiful and a sex-freak and is not the cause of my limp-ness in any way, shape or form). About 75% of the time, she can be naked/doing sexual things, and she truthfully could be a wall or an intimate object, in the sense of me getting hard, being turned on and wanting to have sex. On the contrary, if an image of a naked girl is pulled up on my computer screen, I'm hard... in a matter of seconds and my drive is intense. She is extremely understanding of the situation and wants to work with me on it.

There's some times where I'm extremely horny and operate normally (on a sexual level), and we have great sex - This tends to be the case if I don't see her for 4-5 days. Then, after that initial orgasm (after not seeing her for 4 or 5 days), my drive is practically gone and my penis operates significantly less normally. Additionally, for the first 3 months of our relationship, I couldn't get hard AT ALL...only over the past 5 or 6 months have I been able to be turned on by her. I don't see this change as "progress", I just see it as a change in comfortable-ness with her and me being more mentally forceful. Sometimes, looking at her body does nothing for me, and at other random times, looking at her body can turn me on almost normally and I have an overwhelming urge for sex. (the drive seems random, almost, however, the former is much more common than the latter).

I've gone 8 days without seeing porn/ejaculating (PMO, i guess, as you guys refer to it as). However, I've been having sex/trying to have sex with her regularly... is having sex with her hurting my recovery process? How do I proceed in "re-booting" and healing? This is an issue I've had in every other relationship I've been in.

Other notes:
***I masturbated for the first time at the age of 5 years old (to porn/something on a screen)***
*If I'm away from my girlfriend for some time, thinking about her turns me on so much and I get hard as hell.
*If I see a naked picture of her, I get much more turned on then seeing her naked in person.
*We have sex without condoms (use birth control, etc)
*I'm looking for a long term fix, not just in this relationship, but in general for the rest of my life.
*I often find myself subconsciously touching my penis when something turns me on...it's as if contact/touching is the easiest way for me to generate a hard on (probably from masturbating at such an early age).
*It hasn't been THAT hard for me to not watch porn...I'm not sure if I'm an "addict" in the normal sense, but I do think my early exposure to it and watching it routinely since the age of 5 is significant.

DEALYF wrote:

[quote=DEALYF] How do I proceed in "re-booting" and healing? This is an issue I've had in every other relationship I've been in..[/quote]

Here is what I would do.

I would cease all masturbation and porn in all forms. And I'd avoid all triggers of every kind including pictures, Facebook, dating sites, titillating scenes on television. I'd look away when something comes on a movie that seems to excite me. I would use the Red X method to avoid all fantasy as much as possible.

I would also avoid orgasm for a month or two.

I would spend many hours with my girlfriend cuddling, snuggling naked, but not edging so I'm close to orgasm.

This is called a "bonding behavior" and it is immensely satisfying on its own. It creates these marvelous hormones in the brain that make not having sex much easier.

Then I would slowly introduce sexual intercourse into the equation with an emphasis on just having my penis in my girlfriend's vagina, without trying to have an orgasm. I'd do soft entry which works even if I don't have an erection.

After a bit, I'd be rebooted and rewired as long as I avoided porn.

Welcome here and good luck!

Awesome, thank you so much

Awesome, thank you so much for your thoughts. It's tough for me because I work in digital marketing (I run marketing campaigns for music artists through Facebook, Twitter, various websites and social networks, etc.)...so I'm on my computer literally 9 - 15 hours a day, with work and such.

I recently de-activated my Facebook account, and started one specifically for work purposes (with no friends, etc... just strictly work events, pages, etc.).

But yes, I'm going cold turkey as much as possible, although it's extremely difficult as my job involves perusing around websites, images, for a majority of the day.

I'm going to talk to my girlfriend about "bonding behavior", I love that idea...I'm not sure she will, but she will understand. Thanks again!

Also, another piece of information, sometimes, during sex, I'll think about scenes from pornos I recently watched to get a hard on/have an orgasm. It's CRAZY that I have to think about porno scenes to get off when my penis is inside of my girlfriend's vagina... damn, it crushes me toeven have to type that/read that.

DEALYF wrote:

[quote=DEALYF]
*It hasn't been THAT hard for me to not watch porn...I'm not sure if I'm an "addict" in the normal sense, but I do think my early exposure to it and watching it routinely since the age of 5 is significant.[/quote]

A word of caution here, because my situation sounds pretty similar to yours in a lot of ways. I thought it was pretty easy to give up porn and then I noticed the subtle ways it creeps into your daily life and way of thinking. An example:

When I watch porn I need variety, be it opening up a ton of windows, or skipping ahead in the middle of a movie to "get to the good part." Well, only after quitting porn for a long time and relapsing a few times did I notice this behavior. I even started to notice myself doing it during full-length non-pornographic movies. No wonder I found movies so boring and hadn't been to the theater in years! Also, as I started trying to eliminate porn from my life, I noticed that when I masturbated, the way I recalled fantasy (even if it was based on ex-gfs real life experience) mimicked this same process of opening tons of windows, and constant novelty until I found the memory that could get me off.

Quitting porn is not as easy as it first seems. Good luck getting rid of it and getting over your ed.

Yes, this is how I watch porn

Yes, this is how I watch porn too. Skipping to the 'good' parts.
I really haven't had much difficulty in avoiding watching it 8 days in...no urge really, and that may be because my girlfriend is always naked/wanting sex, etc...

I downloaded a "parental control" app for Facebook, so all porn is blocked, just in case :)

Thanks a lot for your thoughts/feedback. Determined to overcome this issue.