Post Reboot Issues-Do I have to rewire or reboot?

Submitted by Circle on
Printer-friendly version

Hey all, so I successfully completed a 3 month reboot which cured all the effects of about as intense a pmo addiction as you can get. Everything was great. Unfortunately, I then went through a bad breakup and turned to online dating sites, which I was on in near-addict amounts.
For about the past three months (not including last week, when I stopped using these sites), I was heavily frequenting, as well as a bdsm dating site. I never once masturbated to anything on these websites but I was exposed to a great deal of pictures of good looking women, which I tried to ignore as much as possible but I kind of figured that I was already rebooted and rewired so what's the harm? I can definately tell it had an effect though. I'm attracted to pictures of women very heavily now, whereas before they had turned into "just pixels". That's not to say I don't find real women attractive, but there has definately been some bad rewiring done to my brain. I had some erections spring up as a result of talking with women about what we were going to do to each other as well, including one women I actually sexted a bit with online with some bdsm overtones. There was a great deal of discussion about bdsm with people online too which was getting me pretty excited.
I should mention that I never actually went through with any bdsm fantasies and I don't intend to, at least not for a long long while. My question is, do you think this deserves a full reboot (aka NOT HAVING SEX) or should I just rewire myself to real women and keep off the internet, as I've been doing. I had sex last Tuesday and my erection was definately lacking, though I've been suffering from insomnia lately so I was pretty damn tired, as well as a bit nervous about what my erections would be like. The last time I had sex before that was a couple months ago, and my erection had no problems. Makeout sessions about a month after that gave me an erection as well.
Like always, thanks for everything.

Sounds like your body

is teaching you what you need to know. Remember...a reboot isn't a license to engage in supernormal stimulation. I bolded that word because it's the key concept. If you want "normal" sex to be arousing, then you can't train your brain to the extra "heat" of extreme stimulation.

What those words mean for you can only be determined by you, but weaker erections are a dead give-away. Sounds like you know all this, but I mention it for other readers.

Hopefully just scaling back to real sex will do it. If it doesn't...then you know what you need to do.

Remember...the phenomenon that caught you was pixel-entertainment. If you return to that in any form, your brain is likely to grow desensitized. It doesn't know the difference between "porn" and "chat." It just reacts to how hot you gradually desensitizing you. frown Maybe this page would be useful: What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

Best bet: If you're horny and you don't have a partner then masturbate to sensation only, or your own non-extreme imagained scenarios.

Thanks Marnia. I'm done with

Thanks Marnia. I'm done with all the chat and online sites. Just hoping I didn't damage myself so much that I need to cut out sex completely to return to normal, mainly because I have a fuck buddy now! Bad timing but maybe I caught it in time.

Try to avoid the online

Try to avoid the online dating sites. I spent over a month away from porn and decided to get on a dating site. Online dating is normal for many people, so I didn't see any harm in it. But, I ended up spending over six hours per day on the site and it became an addiction just like porn. I started looking for girls who had exposing pics or those who would be easy to have sex with. It eventually led to another porn relapse.

Perhaps there's a way to use the dating sites without the images

If you install AdBlock Plus, you can right click on specific images and block them. You can keep blocking out any images that appear on the dating site until there's none of the ones you find stimulating. From there you can still browse the women but won't be bombarded by the images. Once you have one you might be interested, you can turn it off to take a peak at what she looks like...or to the degree you feel comfortable with that. One possibility.

Good idea

Guys here often say browsing dating sites can end up being a substitute for the novelty of porn really far as dysregulating the brain goes.

Profiles without pictures can

Profiles without pictures can be intriguing. Perhaps a dating site could work better with vivid descriptions and no pictures exchanged before meeting. Newspaper personals used to work.

Blocking the pictures might help people notice other things they like. Our perception isn't well captured in another's picture.