Hey guys, so I've been struggling with this reboot since about May 2011. I've done 2 stretches of around 100 days each and a bunch of smaller ones mixed in with many relapses. After all this time i still feel totally disconnected from real women. I feel nothing emotionally, It's like that part of me has died or something. Does this make sense? The last time I actually looked into a girls eyes and felt a connection or some type of "love" i guess you could say was with my college sweetheart, 12 years ago! Obviously this was before high speed internet and before my addiction became full blown. I've had 3 long term gf's since then but I never felt like things were normal with these girls. 1 in particular was one of the most amazing girls I could ever even dream of asking for but after 4 years of ED issues and me not treating her like a real boyfriend should she finally moved out. I pretty much didn't even care, telling myself that she just wasn't my type etc etc, whereas my friends would kill for a girl like her. I didn't shed a tear or ever try to get her back I just felt numb, like I have no emotions anymore when it comes to women. I do feel love for other things though...pets, my family and friends, even an amazing performance on americas got talent gets me choked up lol but when it comes to real women and sex, zero.
Did anyone else feel this way and will it ever reverse itself? Have you actually gotten that desire and spark back emotionally? A couple weeks ago I went on 2 dates with a new girl I met. This girl was very good looking and almost the exact type of body and face I used to PMO to even. We hit it off great at first, laughing and joking and having great conversation. 3hrs with her went by in a blink. The potential was definitely there but I sure wasn't. She could tell something was off too because I never made a move and after our 2nd date I got a text saying she felt like we just had a "friend connection" and that's not what she was looking for. That was that.
I don't know I'm just starting to feel hopeless here. The benefits of no PMO have been good as far as the ED and anxiety goes. I feel good mentally and physically when I abstain and can M to just touch when I'm really horny. It's also much easier to get back on track after a relapse, I really do feel like porn doesn't have a hold of my life anymore. It's just connecting sexually to women that's missing. Will my mind and desires ever get back to normal?
So I'm getting back on the wagon as of today. Yesterday I had the most pathetic relapse in history probably, PMOing to the f'ing Octomom's video for Christ's sake! wtf. I guess at least that's a sign I'm more sensitive! haha
Anyway thanks for listening,