Sexual addiction - day 6 of recovery

Submitted by vasiapupkind on
Printer-friendly version

Hello. First of all I am very thankful for this website and for this forum.
I have been addicted to porn for at least 7 years, and only couple of years ago I realized that this is an addiction. It is started out because I was bored and had free time, and was not confident enough to go out and date. The trouble started when I actually found a girlfriend and was unable to perform. That was devastating. And it repeated couple of times with different girls. I was angry at myself and everything else, and wanted to try more and more to prove to myself that I am still a man. Sex workers brought that excitement initially, but after some time it got old, and I barely get excited even when receiving oral sex. I cannot live my life like this. I used to masturbate to internet porn couple of times a day. I am 30 yo. I want to have a loving relationship with a woman, and I cannot continue like this. Yesterday, and today I was unable to control myself, and I went to the website that advertise sex workers. When I go there I always have strange thrill - my whole body shakes vigorously , as I am really cold. I did not M, but I am wondering if just the fact of me going to those websites are overturning any of my efforts to quit. The hardest thing is that my way from work, and the school I am going to are right near the street full of streetwalkers. Just when I think about that my whole body tremors. Sometimes I have flashbacks of that street, and that makes me shake again. I am hoping that I can kick this addiction, but it is only day 6, and it is already not easy for me.