social anxiety, HOCD

tpc's picture
Submitted by tpc on
Printer-friendly version

Hi all, this is my first post here. I have been PMOing since 13/14. Things escalated last year when I went abroad for contract work. I became more dependant on porn to manage the increase in stress and anxiety. It was an instant high and always available. I also noticed I was becoming increasingly anxious and withdrawn from others, but I didn't care. All I could think about was getting home for my fix.

I started my reboot about 2 months ago after discovering ybop and my record is 19 days no PMO. Since then I have been relapsing every 4-7 days. I am currently on day 2 and feel very fatigued and apathetic.


just hang out, blog a lot and keep at it. Any girl friend potential material or dates or female companionship of any kind in the works?

You will go through a unique

You will go through a unique journey I promise you.
It will be hard at the beginning, there will be times when you will feel like Superman, and days you will feel like crap.
I'm on day 79 (read my blogs) now and what I finally feel is BALANCE, a wonderful feeling.
Wish you strength!

Hi emerson and receptor

I will try and blog as much as possible. I have lots of free time at the moment Smile Unfortunately no members of the opposite sex to cuddle with (YET!). I am stuck in a bit of a rut... will need to find work before pursuing the opposite sex Smile

Receptor your posts are very inspiring. I like how you have more energy and focus at work Smile I can totally relate to the girls checking you out thing as well. It's like a 6th sense and you just start noticing things.

Day 3

Thanks for your response Marnia. I slept really well last night and today I feel clear headed and focused! So much better than yesterday. I'd like to point out that my last relapse, which was on day 7, was a tantric massage with a real lady lol. I had been edging the days before (no P just alot of touching) and could feel a relapse coming so thought may as well go out in style lol.
This was my first ever tantric massage and actually found it quite enjoyable! However I don't recommend this early in the reboot.

Day 9 - feeling vulnerable

Day 9 of no porn, no masturbation and no orgasm.

* a feeling of vulnerability. Like if I watch a softcore video clip, my rational brain will probably shut down and turn my primitive brain to 110%
* social anxiety and mild agoraphobia (although I have always had these). These were quite intense on day 7 when I went to a job interview.
* Lethargy, apathy and no enthusiasm to work on my goals. A desire to be left alone.
* A mental unwillingness to let go of porn forever. The thought of taking away something that has been a part of my life for over 15 years gives me a huge sense of loss.
* I have K9 protection set to high level, but I sometimes find myself searching google images for pornstars and youtube for videos of sexy celebrities. I do this in the same way I used to search for porn videos. This has to stop.
* Loss of appetite since day 7.
* Taking long naps during the day.
* I sometimes wake up in the morning with a feeling of intense dread.

* the past 3 or so days my voice has been much deeper.
* since day 8 I am feeling more calm and less reactive to negativity.
* I have had a couple of strange but pleasant dreams where I am socialising with women and having a good time!
* I look different in the mirror. I look more alive and there is more expression on my face! This makes me feel good.

Dude I was in your shoes,

Dude I was in your shoes, life friggen sucked before my reboot but after the hardest 2-3 months of my life I've emerged and have an awesome life. I no longer feel like something is always wrong w me. Keep truckin and just remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and every time you want relapse your just prolonging your misery

Thanks for the inspiration :-)

Right now my brain is trying to trick me to PMO. I won't let it win.

"You've almost broke you're record. You deserve a reward"
"You've gone from PMO once per day to once per week. One peek won't hurt"
"You only live once"

I've relapsed many times around day 7-10 so I know my triggers quite well.


Hey mate,

Just wanted you to know I'm right there with ya. Currently on day 20. Last night I was looking up exercise routines and stumbled on some video demonstrations that were using insanely hot girls with very revealing clothes - I sat and watched in awe for about 15min till I snapped out of it. It's freaking hard I can tell ya (in more ways than one)! But what I do is think about how I felt before I started this reboot and that's some place I don't want to go back to.

Here's how I'm feeling:

- Still experiencing social anxiety when going out for social events.
- Same lethargic feeling, no motivation or enthusiasm, but this is slowly starting to fade.
- I find myself more tired yet have difficulty sleeping without a sleeping aid.
- No sexual release for so long has me looking and fantasizing over every woman I see (though not in a porn/fantasy way, hard to explain).

- Beginning to see the light. Some great days, some shit days, but slowly feeling generally better about life as a whole.
- One dream where I was successfully socializing with girls, still waiting for a wet dream though.

Keep at it mate. I guess we're in this together, along with a lot of other people on this site.

I've just reached day 20 of

I've just reached day 20 of no PMO, not even a wet dream. I can mirror the withdrawals your having. I am noticing the benefits as well. Lately I have been giving less of a shit about what people think and I'm able to move on and not dwell on it. Middle of the night trips to the bathroom have stopped and I'm sleeping all the way through now. This is so worth it.