Study: "A Descriptive Analysis of Sexual Problems in Long-Term Heterosexual Relationships"

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A Descriptive Analysis of Sexual Problems in Long-Term Heterosexual Relationships

As I commented on Twitter:

Was there perhaps wisdom in traditions that advised careful cultivation of sexual desire (less focus on orgasm), in contrast with today's sexology advice, which advises exhausting desire, and then ramping up stimulation when habituation sets in - thus numbing pleasure response?

Wonderful posts thank you

I feel so blessed that I found this website and Karezza. The problems that others have around not enough sex, etc, is not my problem and sex is better and better, not more boring as described so often in these studies and observations.

One thing that went a long time ago with my wife is desire, but that doesn’t really matter. Apparently we are in the top 7 % anyway, couples who have been together a long time and having sex four times a week, LOL.

Hi

Hi, sorry if this is too personal, but what do you mean by the loss of desire? Do you not desire your wife anymore? Is this mutual? I’m just curious by what you meant. Thank you

Here’s what I mean

I love my wife and she loves me. We have frequent Karrezza intercourse. But she has no sexual libido to speak of. She never had a strong sex drive, and since menopause has zero sex drive.

 

Does she enjoy it?

I've always wondered from your posts that, since your wife is willing to participate so frequently, is it that she mostly doesn't enjoy it that much, or that she does enjoy it but wouldn't think to initiate?

I think the research question

I think the research question is not specific enough. It's like finding out that death is a serious problem among elderly populations ... but why? Why do they die? In this case, _why_ do married couples end up with less sex than one party wants? In a lot of cases, I bet even the couple, or the less-desirous partner doesn't know why. Undoubtedly there are many, many etiologies leading to "insufficient" sex.

Men's yang energy can be aroused directly - just play with the genitals. Women's yin energy has to be aroused from the outside in, so there can be blockages anywhere along the way, from money troubles to worries about societal problems to worries about any of a woman's relationships, let alone the relationship with her sexual partner. Then there could be any number of subtle physical imbalances. There could be a sub-conscious intuition that conventional sex with orgasm makes her partner less attentive. (For instance!)

Or, maybe nothing is wrong. In many cases it probably just involves normal variation from individual to individual. But even then, there was a piece of research Marnia pointed to recently indicating that women with lower desire or arousal can and do experience fulfilling and satisfying sexual encounters.

This whole realm of women's desire seems custom-made to elude easy answers.

Patriarchy Kills Passion

I'm reading Terrence Real's "I Don't want to Talk About It" 1998. Chapters 8-10 are particularly pertinent to this conversation. Our culture's training of boys and men leads to dominance/entitlement ways of men being in relationship. Women get pissed off. I know I felt entitled for Izzy to meet my sexual needs and I approached the problem by trying to get her to fix it. HA! that sucked big time for years! Y'all have been helpful in getting me onto a healthier/happier track.
https://www.terryreal.com/product/i-dont-want-to-talk-about-it/

and Be Happy with What You Don't Get

It's up to me to be happy. I am in BIG trouble when I expect Izzy to change her behavior to act it a way to fulfill my sense of entitlement. It gets even worse when I alter my self, hoping she will change. There is value in our long marriage that I wish to preserve. I am working on listening to her. Listening for parts that are true, rather than arguing objective points. " you never take the garbage out" I will not argue about "never" but say, "you're right, I am sorry and will do it now". No O for a month, no dream of a mercy fuck. I am expanding my repertoire of touch, dropping the desperate need for a particular response. It's going to take some work. I'm new on this road