temporary Polyamourous Karezza

Submitted by Diomedes on
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Hey there,
first of all thanks to you all for your informations and your experiences of Karezza! I think you are doing the right thing, as for the way of making love and of course promulgating it so others can benefit from it as well.

I am a male, 25 year old student, and have been interested in Karezza/Tantra for some years. In my last relationship I could scratch a little bit on the surface and experience a bit of it. Now I am single, have moved to another city and am experiencing some kind of dilemma.
This town is full of beautiful women, female students and tourists, and full of opportunities for one night stands. However the philosophy of Karezza and specifically the notion of uniting the sexes is so deeply entrechened in my behaviour towards women, so that it discloses the option of living an easy promiscous life. Indeed if I had to choose between a promiscous, polygamous life and monogamous but intimate one, I would choose the latter. But I am 25 still and my sex drive doesn't most of the time listen to my ideology, especially now that I have stopped masturbating for one and a half month. I need sex.
I haven't found yet a women who would be fond of karezza. On the other side having karezza-one night stands isn't very sound. People are having one night stands after partying for the sake of dopamin. And also just fucking a girl hardcore (sorry for the use of language, but it describes it best) seems to me somehow unjust, as I would be doing something wrong to that person, like being intimate with her, but using her just for the sake of my own pleasure. However the time it takes until I find the right person and until we can get intimate seems very long and I am having trouble by-passing the gap by exercising, meditating, etc, because once I lay down in my bed the longing for sex and intimacy sets in again.
I thought of a maybe less romantic but more pragmatic solution and I want to hear your opinions on it. I want to bridge this gap through living a polyamorous life until I decide to engage in a monogamous relationship. The benefits are that on the one hand I won't miss having sex and on the other that I won't have conventional sex but will try to implement non-orgasmic sex (at least for my part). This way I also can get to know the person on a sexual level first, before I start having a responsible bond with her, so that I can see, if we are sexually on the same vibe. Something like multiple open relationships until I have found the right match. Of course before I get intimate with her I will tellher that I want to have an open relationship with her but also honestly wanna see how far it can get. (Now that I am reading though this a second time I realize that probably most will be somehow disillusioned by hearing this, because they could probably feel like replaceable or at least not unique)

Let me know if you find it ethically correct, because I will be with multiple persons intimate, which could mean that somebody would get hurt, and also if it is sound on an energetic level, because I will intermingle with many different energies.

Your generation

has a real challenge on its hands. Most humans are wired to long for and benefit from pair bonds, and yet today's sexual environment discourages them. This is not a challenge I faced to such a degree, so I have no advice for you from personal experience.

I would advise you to track your experiences and honestly evaluate not just the orgasms, but also the aftermath. Then choose your future course based on your cost-benefit analysis. See Guys: Where Do You Fall on the Monogamy Spectrum?

If you find that the fallout from casual sex is sufficiently unpleasant, then try other ways to ease your excess libido: exercise, meditation, Energy Circulation Practices, time in nature, daily cold showers, etc. Many guys report that as they retrain their brains (by taking a break from masturbation to porn and engaging in such practices), their libidos actually shift. They're still "ready to go" when opportunity knocks, but not constantly horny.

If getting to sleep is a problem, watch this: Reboot FAQ - Wet Dreams, Porn Dreams, Morning Wood - YouTube and read this: Sleep suggestions

Also keep in mind that constant sexual novelty can condition you to need constant sexual novelty, which can ultimately make settling down with one partner more challenging and less satisfying. I've seen two studies that found that men who had fewer different partners had happier, more satisfying marriages. In fact, in one of them, the optimal number of partners was found to be 1! Is that because the men weren't overstimulating their brains during earlier years and therefore were more sexually responsive (making sex more pleasurable)? Was it because they just didn't know what they were missing? Or had fewer extreme expectations and were easier to satisfy? Was it just because they were outliers who were especially content with monogamy? Hard to say. But I find the research very interesting.

Good luck. You'll find your way.