Hi all there, first of all please excuse any typos or errors that my occure as I'm not a native speaker :)
Being 32 years old and from Germany I suffer from ED since more than 10 years now. Since I've read a lot bout this issue - especially in the last weeks - I'm sure that I can call it a porn related ED, because I found myself in so many posts describing the problems occuring with porn-overkill.
I'll begin by writing down the story so far: As I was like 15YO I found two hardcore-porn-VHS under my parent's bed and wondered - I had a look and was totally stunned at once! wow!!! Couldn't believe the intense horniness shivering my body!
I used to watch this tapes as many times as possible and masturbate to them.
Then, when I was 18, I used to visit a video rental store with a friend of mine regulary and we rent porn VHS and copied them for at home. My collection began to grow. Also the movies got relatively more and more pervert then.
Then I remember that another friend of mine sent me a VHS with SM-porn, and I was again totally astonished AND I remember that I thought "yeah finally something that can raise my penis without manual stimulation!" I was 22 at this time I think!! So at this time I was already unable to get a spontanous erection even while masturbating to most of the usual porn I had!!!
No need to say I had no girlfriend all the time. I had some One night stands but I was not able to get it up, just not getting aroused. OK one of the girls was really nasty and a bitch (sorry...) and I was slightly disgusted, but the other one was my dreamgirl at the time!!! Also my first real girlfriend I had with 24 was unable to get me a proper erection.
When I look back in time I am really ashame.. I asked her to watch porn with me so we were able to have sex, because with porn on TV while being in bed with her made it easier to me getting aroused... how bad is this....
Now since a longer time high-speed-internet is available everytime and porn porn porn.
In the time between I had another "girlfriend", I think in that time I already thought about the problems could be occuring because of porn, and I made some lifestyle changes. I don't remember exactly, but I had some levitra from a doctor and eventually stopped looking porn and did sport, and after a while I was able to have some cool sex, but it was strange anyhow, not really fulfilling.
OK, we're in today now... I managed to have a really loving and loveable girlfriend since four years now, she's wonderful and I really love her!!!
First tries to have intercourse where really ugly. I had to force an erection by hand and that's no fun at all, then having intercourse it's all the time hoping that the erection will not go away.
Well, through the years we have been able to arrange ourselves with the problems, and it has been easier sometimes.
Wow that's going to be a long post, sorry...
All the time I was really eager to be alone so I can have my daily shot of porn of course.
Some time ago there was a time when we had really good sex, I remember that we have been doing it like three times a week, it was very cool, even on the couch and the floor, and I was getting like 60%-erections from kissing and being aroused by her body just seen naked and so on. I am not sure but it must have been a time when I again tried to stop porn and also smoking (I smoked again in between but now again stopped..)
And now we are here.
I totally stopped PMO for 30 days now.
After a few days I was totally horny just lying on the couch, thinking I must orgasm just by touching my penis. This day we had sex, I did not get an erection, only by touching, but I was so sensible and couldn't stand a long time. I also had a sexual dream this days.
Since then it's like a total flatline. Well almost every morning I have a little morningwood, mostly it's like 40% maximum, two times it has been relatively hard. But that's it. No libido at all.
I told my girlfriend and she is understanding well, but she said she needs sex, but she totally respects what I said and what I do. Well I really have to be there for her and help her with any other part of myself except my penis, but to be honest I have to push myself a little bit as I have no libido at all.
So until today on day 30 it was relatively easy to get there I would say. But it's a hard time anyway because time goes by and there seems to be nothing to develop at all, beside the "morningwoods" that are not really strong. Well I don't remember having some since a lot of years so maybe that's an improvement :)
I would be very happy to get a little bit encouragement and talk with people who are experiencing the same at the moment or to be able to help someone with my story so far. I will definitely be here from time to time and I really want to overcome that shit. I know it must be possible because there have been signs of "normal" sexual behaviour in between, some month ago, but I was too stupid to see any correlation.
I came here via yourbrainonporn and I have read a lot of stories and posts here and there and I really want to thank everyone contributing to this sites!
We have discussion boards in Germany too dealing with this but this board is far more established!!
Thank you all!