Try to reboot - I'm on day 30 now - ..thoughts..

Submitted by motorcycleboy on
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Hi all there, first of all please excuse any typos or errors that my occure as I'm not a native speaker :)

Being 32 years old and from Germany I suffer from ED since more than 10 years now. Since I've read a lot bout this issue - especially in the last weeks - I'm sure that I can call it a porn related ED, because I found myself in so many posts describing the problems occuring with porn-overkill.

I'll begin by writing down the story so far: As I was like 15YO I found two hardcore-porn-VHS under my parent's bed and wondered - I had a look and was totally stunned at once! wow!!! Couldn't believe the intense horniness shivering my body!

I used to watch this tapes as many times as possible and masturbate to them.

Then, when I was 18, I used to visit a video rental store with a friend of mine regulary and we rent porn VHS and copied them for at home. My collection began to grow. Also the movies got relatively more and more pervert then.

Then I remember that another friend of mine sent me a VHS with SM-porn, and I was again totally astonished AND I remember that I thought "yeah finally something that can raise my penis without manual stimulation!" I was 22 at this time I think!! So at this time I was already unable to get a spontanous erection even while masturbating to most of the usual porn I had!!!

No need to say I had no girlfriend all the time. I had some One night stands but I was not able to get it up, just not getting aroused. OK one of the girls was really nasty and a bitch (sorry...) and I was slightly disgusted, but the other one was my dreamgirl at the time!!! Also my first real girlfriend I had with 24 was unable to get me a proper erection.

When I look back in time I am really ashame.. I asked her to watch porn with me so we were able to have sex, because with porn on TV while being in bed with her made it easier to me getting aroused... how bad is this.... Sad

Now since a longer time high-speed-internet is available everytime and porn porn porn.

In the time between I had another "girlfriend", I think in that time I already thought about the problems could be occuring because of porn, and I made some lifestyle changes. I don't remember exactly, but I had some levitra from a doctor and eventually stopped looking porn and did sport, and after a while I was able to have some cool sex, but it was strange anyhow, not really fulfilling.

OK, we're in today now... I managed to have a really loving and loveable girlfriend since four years now, she's wonderful and I really love her!!!

First tries to have intercourse where really ugly. I had to force an erection by hand and that's no fun at all, then having intercourse it's all the time hoping that the erection will not go away.

Well, through the years we have been able to arrange ourselves with the problems, and it has been easier sometimes.

Wow that's going to be a long post, sorry...

All the time I was really eager to be alone so I can have my daily shot of porn of course.

Some time ago there was a time when we had really good sex, I remember that we have been doing it like three times a week, it was very cool, even on the couch and the floor, and I was getting like 60%-erections from kissing and being aroused by her body just seen naked and so on. I am not sure but it must have been a time when I again tried to stop porn and also smoking (I smoked again in between but now again stopped..)

And now we are here.

I totally stopped PMO for 30 days now.

After a few days I was totally horny just lying on the couch, thinking I must orgasm just by touching my penis. This day we had sex, I did not get an erection, only by touching, but I was so sensible and couldn't stand a long time. I also had a sexual dream this days.

Since then it's like a total flatline. Well almost every morning I have a little morningwood, mostly it's like 40% maximum, two times it has been relatively hard. But that's it. No libido at all.

I told my girlfriend and she is understanding well, but she said she needs sex, but she totally respects what I said and what I do. Well I really have to be there for her and help her with any other part of myself except my penis, but to be honest I have to push myself a little bit as I have no libido at all.

So until today on day 30 it was relatively easy to get there I would say. But it's a hard time anyway because time goes by and there seems to be nothing to develop at all, beside the "morningwoods" that are not really strong. Well I don't remember having some since a lot of years so maybe that's an improvement :)

I would be very happy to get a little bit encouragement and talk with people who are experiencing the same at the moment or to be able to help someone with my story so far. I will definitely be here from time to time and I really want to overcome that shit. I know it must be possible because there have been signs of "normal" sexual behaviour in between, some month ago, but I was too stupid to see any correlation.

I came here via yourbrainonporn and I have read a lot of stories and posts here and there and I really want to thank everyone contributing to this sites!

We have discussion boards in Germany too dealing with this but this board is far more established!!

Thank you all!

Welcome here

Thank you for your story. Your English is really excellent. I have a question. Have you told your girlfriend about your PMO habit? And what are you doing with your girlfriend, are you having regular sexual intercourse? Are you having orgasms? Not trying?

Thanks alot emerson!

Yes thank you! Yes I told her, of course it was not that easy but and I'm not quite sure that she really understands how far that all goes, but I told her about the whole story and what I'm going to do now.

We had sex, yes, but almost all the time - if not all the time - I had to stimulate myself manually to get an erection usable for sex. And that erection mostly needed so much stimulation that I already had an orgasm then!! So my penis mostly got hard shortly before orgasm. Anyway it was possible to keep the erection then to have successful sex (for both of us) almost all the time. But that situation never was nice - to have to stimulate yourself that much while your girl lies waiting on the bed...

Welcome

Thanks for sharing your story.

Sounds like the Evil Flatline all right. You read this, right? "Help! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and libido are decreasing" | Your Brain On Porn It's not unusual for it to go on for more than 30 days, so be optimistic.

It's great that you have a sweetheart. Even if you're not feeling the libido yet, your time with her is helping your brain wire to a real partner. Just be patient. And don't force performance at all, even if you can, until your penis responds naturally.

Day 38

Yes thanks, I read all articles etc. on yourbrainonporn twice minimum :)

Today is day 38 and a few things did develop, others didn't. First of all, I witnessed some nighttime erections develop and getting a bit harder throughout the weeks. I'm not quite sure, but I think I had one almost every night since about two weeks. They have been very weak in the first few nights, but now they differ from 40% to 60%, in one night I was sure to measure an 80% erection, though ;)) But it's just like one time per night, not throughout the whole night or so. Sometimes I am not even sure I had one, but do remember a little bit as I was feeling it in a little awake moment in the night and then falling into a deeper slumber again.

Personally I'm pretty sure I developed quite good. I am more calm, interested, concentrated, smart etc., just what everyone says.

Horniness is back partially, a bit at least. I can feel a glimpse of it glowing in the distance, ready to reach out for it Wink

I also had some sexual dreams 1 1/2 weeks ago (not wet ones), but no more at the moment, also the morningwood fade away again I think. Well we know this is not linear, so...

I don't see any spontanous erections etc. by the way - nothing. But I go straight forward and have not "sinned" so far and I'm pretty sure I won't. The times of porn are over for sure.

But there's another thing: My girlfriend does understand the whole thing, but she is really going to be more and more impatient to have sex again and gets sad about the issue. I must of course admit that the whole thing must sound a little bit freaky when explained, what I did. I want to do two more weaks and then I think we could try to have sex, which should not set me back too much - what's your thinking about this? I'm really eager to learn your opinion about this!!

I must say that at the moment it's really not a problem not to masturbate, just sometimes there's a little urge to fantasize, but not that big that it could be a problem.

OK I think that's all I wanted to share with you ATM, until next time and thanks a lot again!! :)

PS: I forgot that a few days ago I just gave my penis a few strokes with maybe a little fantasy and I suddenly got a 40% erection which felt soooo good. Yes I know that's almost nothing but this didn't happened in a long long time without the aid of visuals or heavy porn fantasy. It didn't happen again since then but I also won't try again seriously. I do also regret a little bit this little testing but ok. I really want to stay away from testing as it's written all over the forum and yourbrainonporn

OK so that's day 47 now, on

OK so that's day 47 now, on the edge of week 6 to week 7.

I have had a strange try to have sex three days ago. I was a bit hard and aroused in the beginning and like 40% hard and my girl gave me a blowjob to make it fully hard, it felt so fantastic and it would have been no problem to come this way and relatively quick, but it would not get very hard, maximum was like 80% I think. In the end I tried to put on a condom but then came directly because of the stimulation of the comdom itself :/ funny thing somehow :)

I still have nighttime erections every (!) night since week two or so, back then they were like 20% only but now they are around 70 to approx. 80% hardness all the time :) Thats good because I never had any erections during night or morning since a loooot of years.

Nothing new on the libido-front anyway. I had lust for sex when we tried, three days ago, yes, but I was not totally blown away like it should be.

Well I'm still going for it.

I have a question concerning the feeling of orgasms, I never read something about this as far I can remember. In my young years, when I discovered masturbation, I remember an orgasm as an ultimate force shaking through my body, really feeling like being electrified, totally stunning. I never had this feeling again since over 12 years I think. An "orgasm" is more or less the mechanical spewing out of semen and a nice feeling, yes, but not the overwhelming one. Is think this also is a thing that should return, but I really like to have some lines to read about this :)

See you all and a lot of luck and love :)

PS: Marnia, yes thanks, possibly. I wanted to try but well it didn't last very long :)

Well...

teen brains are different from adult brains, which is why sex can decrease in intensity. On the other hand, sex with a person releases a different neurochemical cocktail than sex by yourself, and that cocktail can be quite delicious. For some, as brains become more sensitive, another kind of ecstasy is possible by *avoiding* orgasm.  So there are lots of possibilities, but the body shaking masturbation of your teen years may not be among them.

That said, you may indeed find sex increasingly pleasurable.

For more on the special properties of teen brains: Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes?

Hi again. So today is day 64

Hi again. So today is day 64 with no pm and only little o (with partner :) ).

It's really easy not to watch porn or fantasize about it, ok there's maybe a little fantasizing bout porn, but as far at it's going to appear I cut it off. No problem.

On day 57 or so I had my first wet dream since a lot of years!! So I guess that's a good sign, also I am having a lot of nighttime erections (mostly approx 1 per night (which is a lot for me hehe)), well they appear regularly AND in the last 1 1/2 weeks they appear to be almost 100% hard. Sometimes when I can sleep longer it also happens that I wake up with a fine morningwood. That's the good signs, and I can't rate them high enough as I take into account that I didn't had that erections for a lot of years as well, absolutely none!!

The other points are that I still don't have a lot of libido and I don't get good erections at daytime and/or for sex. I'm sure that will develop but it's really a very hard time waiting for it... it also seems to turn out that I'm going to take a longer time that the often read 2 months/60 days... :(

Thanks alot for reading and for giving me that huge amount of motivation everyone!! You're awesome!!! :)

P.S.: Oh I forgot my penis is definitley more full all the time, it appears so big that at work colleagues of mine told me that I provoke them with it Lol one of them is a girl. That never happened before and I also see it with my own eyes, it's true. I really hope that I will see more progress in the future..!