visual stimulation help

Submitted by nicola78 on
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Hi ...I would submit a question about visual stimulations that I did in the past years of porn web site ...
In my process reboot/recovery from about 5 months without any more porn or masturbation, I had sex some times in last two months ..and I undesrtood that I can feel the "passion" against a real woman..but my visual stimulation isn't almost inexistent for me. I feel as I cannot "focus" in the situation..how if I am "detached" , how if I am not able to understand what I am doing in that moment.
This is a problem form me...because now I can feel stimulate and excited only with "touch" and other contact but no libido with only see a naked girl!!!
thank you for your advices please.

Give your brain more time

It should gradually "wire up" all the cues you associate with the reward of sexual pleasure.

Just curious: Why are you so concerned about being less responsive to visual cues - especially if they led you in a direction you ultimately didn't like?

Give your brain more time

because I feel excited only with stimulations that she make me ...oral or manual...but I am not excited if I touch or lick a woman..
I make an example...I remember when I looked naked girl in a "tv" or "monitor" ..I was excited....(I saw at visual level...) but the effect is not the same with a real woman...
I am concerned...because I get "pleasure" only with manual touch by her...

the cues are so great here but take time

Smell is the best cue. Do you get turned on giving her oral sex? That can be a huge turn-on eventually if not now. And nuzzling her armpits is a great source of that smell that can really unlock your primitive sexual being.

Smell gets to the primitive brain centers and really bypasses the mind which is good!

Then there's feel, touch...this is fantastic with a real woman especially a woman you have a connection with.

The feeling you report of being detached is much like watching porn, isn't it? So it may take your brain a number of months to get out of that "watching" and into "doing" mindset.

One thing that helps the most is to build a connection with one woman and do a lot of cuddling and touching and just being with her. That can help your brain rewire quicker. Having sex with someone you don't have much connection with may not even be a good idea for awhile if ever.

 

mmm ok.. yes I do oral sex ..

mmm ok.. yes I do oral sex ...and this excites me "a bit"... but not much more. When I looked porn videos and I looked scenes of "oral sex" I was much more stimulated!! this is the strange of porn...it seems like the pleasure was got from "see a oral sex" and not now from "do oral sex"....
I hope you understand my words...isnt' simple explain this concept....
- I looked oral sex in porn videos - much much excited.
-I do oral sex now - low excited...

It's much important your concept about smell...yes I think it's more important..

Watch this

I think it will help you understand.

Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - YouTube

You can translate this transcript if it would help: http://yourbrainonporn.com/transcript-adolescent-brain-meets-highspeed-porn

Porn use altered your brain to find visuals more exciting than other stimuli. Having removed it, your brain is slowly transitioning to other stimuli. This can take months.

Brains remain plastic (although they are never again as plastic as during adolescence), so if you keep reinforcing the stimuli you want to be wired to for your sexuality, it will happen. http://yourbrainonporn.com/doidge-on-pornography-and-neuroplasticity

Watch this

OK many thanks!!!!!!!
I will read everything...
but when you say:

"Porn use altered your brain to find visuals more exciting than other stimuli. Having removed it, your brain is slowly transitioning to other stimuli. This can take months."

you mean several months i think..more than five like me

and when you say:

Brains remain plastic (although they are never again as plastic as during adolescence), so if you keep reinforcing the stimuli you want to be wired to for your sexuality, it will happen.

you mean I must exercise my brain to "think" about sex with a real woman? for example , masturbation thinking about last sex night with a partner??? what kind of exercise could I do to reinforce new stimuli ?

Maybe when you are aroused with a partner

Make a point of appreciating visual aspects of her too?

I'm not sure it's realistic to expect the same buzz as you had while using porn. Addiction pathways hammer the reward circuitry in a way that normal reward doesn't. This article has the best explanation: Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?

And, yes, guys notice improvements for many months. Can't say how long because this hasn't been formally studied.

Maybe when you are aroused with a partner

another question please...always about my actual situation.
From April, I have zero libido...no night erection and I never have spontaneus erection and no desire to make sex...
It's a normal path of porn withdrawal??? I read in some articles that a period called flatLine could exist after porn is dismissed..
It's right?? or I should be worried about it ???

thanks!!!

If in doubt, check with your doctor

Yes I checked a doctor...but don't forget this problem is still "unknown" !!! In Italy a few of doctors know about pornography addiction ...and it's not simple find a doctor that could accomplish the real problem.
Now my specialist orders me to take testosterone in gel ...tostrex . I am using it from 5 days...and I thinks is good. I should take it for two months.

Another question : do you think this misterious flatLine i relative to drop testosterone due to no porn and no orgams ??? do you think avoid masturbation/orgasm for long term terminates the cycle of sex->libido->sex ?? this could be a problem due to a low hormones after take off porn ???

Well...we're not doctors

but, no, we don't think testosterone is the issue (unless you got your blood tested and you're one of the very rare guys with extremely low T). Gary wrote all about testosterone research here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/selected-testosterone-research Abtinence made T levels slightly higher in some research, and in other research, no changes at all.

I do think you could need some help reconditioning your sexuality. I like some of the suggestions on this page (self-massage, relaxation, etc): RebootTaking TOO.LONG

I've just never heard your particular complaint. Sex is arousing but you expect visuals to be as arousing as when you were using porn, right? To me that just sounds...well...superficial, and not like a problem at all. But maybe I'm just not hearing you clearly.

How often are you ejaculating now? Notice how too frequent ejaculation can cause "disinterest" and shift perception of women: Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause a Hangover?

If this is an issue, then try cutting back a bit.

Addiction is different from true libido. Do you think you're mistaking one for the other? Adolescent brains are "primed" to find novelty and erotica thrilling. As an adult you don't get the same buzz from sexual cues. Sex can still be enjoyable, but random cues are not. Watch this to understand this natural change: Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - YouTube

 

Well...we're not doctors

I try to explain you better:
"Sex is arousing but you expect visuals to be as arousing as when you were using porn, rigt?"
It's difficult to describe....but with porn I figured out a pleasure based only on "images", tits,bodies and vaginas..but in a particular mode (for example big tits, women dressed with sensual clothes etc...) , and this excited me...and more and more after years I figured in my brain this kind of sex. So, now, when I make sex with a "real" woman, it's like I see a "different" thing ..like real body and TV-body are different for me.
Do you understand ?? I mean my brain can't excite myself without a raffiguration of that kind of woman (like a pornostar) and without that visual stimuls I am not able to respond with an excitation!!
It's like porn marked in my brain a visual circuit that permits me to be excited only as response to look some draws ! Then, if I receive oral sex I CAN get pleasure....normally....but when I make oral sex to her (or any girls), I don't get pleasure ..like body of that girl is not what I espect!
I hope mi english is clear.... sigh..
About the number of ejaculation...only a few!! 1 each 15 days...and NEVER with masturbation! in this 5 months I masturbate only 1 time. My orgasms become from sex (when I can do it normally.....)..

we understand

your brain can't get excited without a lot of visual stimulus. Right. Brains take time to retrain. Brains take time to change. This change is actually not like putting a new program on your laptop. It's like taking out the laptop's microprocessor and rewiring it. Brains change physically. They are plastic and change themselves physically over time. This change takes months. Until then, yes you will find it difficult to get real pleasure. But that will happen gradually.

 

 

we understand

Yes of course....but if I "teach" my brain to like other stimulus(touch,kisses) and if I think to "rael body" of actual real partners (while masturbating too....), could be good ??? I read in some articles that those stimuls are written in the sex circuit after masturbation/orgams. If I "force" my brain thinking about real sex with actual partners could accelerate the rewiring ?? It is correct??
thanks

No one knows for sure, Nicola

In general, we think you want to wire to stimuli coming directly from real people, not to masturbation to thoughts.

But there's much still to learn here. There's an entire generation that is conditioning its sexuality to synthetic cues. They're starting young and they're training (reinforcing) their brains to synthetic cues for years before they get with real partners.

Some young guys are taking 9 months to a year before they feel normal arousal with a real partner. And a few are still noticing problems after a year of no porn. It's possible that some will never fully recover bcause they have "embedded" the wrong wiring somehow. Worse yet, now guys start with 24/7 access to highspeed videos on smartphones, so they can train even earlier with no parental supervision at all. This is very risky, and no experts are really explaining the risk in scientific terms. 

To understand more, find the time to watch this. It really will help. Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - YouTube. In fact, please don't ask any more questions on this forum until you have watched that. It's only a half-hour long.

Without this knowledge, you are analyzing your situation in a way that is logical, but may slow your progress. This happens with guys who stop porn and then soon temporarily lose all libido, sometimes for months. They conclude it's dangerous to stop porn, and rush back to the porn, which has rewired their brains to create an addiction. This is logical, but makes their problems worse in the long run. Eventually their erections to porn weaken...or they need such extreme stuff that it frightens them.

Most report that what ultimately works best is to  tolerate the termporary loss of libido and wait for their brains to "get it right." That is, give up on porn and wire to real partners again.

It's very normal not to get pleasure from entirely different sexual stimuli at first. Be patient and do as much reinforcing of the contact you want to rewire to. The same thing would happen if you had wired only to real contact with partners...and then tried to teach yourself only to masturbate for pleasure. Self-pleasuring would seem empty and hollow at first, because your brain would have wired your pleasure centers to cues related to real women: scents, touch, laughter, intimacy instead of vigorous rubbing, visuals, novelty, viewing certain size breasts, etc.

To put this in perspective, read about this tribe, which has no word for "masturbation" because they simply don't do it! The amusing thing is that their creation-of-the-world myth is about a god who was away from his wife and used a ripe fruit...which led to the creation of the world. Biggrin WEIRD Masturbation Habits

It takes time to make this change, but be careful that you train to what you really want, because as you age, it becomes harder to rewire. I don't know why you're needing as much time as you say, but you're not unusual.

I would recommend daily affectionate touch with your girlfriend. Occasional sex isn't enough to rewire some brains. Here's why: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love. If you notice that orgasm with a partner causes a drop in enthusiasm for a few days afterward, you might want to explore frequent intercourse without orgasm for a bit. That way, you get all the benefits without the neurochemical drop. Karezza is for addicts (too)

Finally, read this book. I'm sure it's available in your language too: The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge MD. Excerpts here in English: DOIDGE

fear....

mmm ... what do you mean when say:

"It's possible that some will never fully recover bcause they have "embedded" the wrong wiring somehow"

Oh my god...you mean could exist a condition not reversible?? A situation that stays always in this hell ???
I hope doesn't exist all this...

I hope not too,

but the earlier you wire something in, and the more brain training you engage in with respect to it, the tougher it can be to reverse it once you reach adulthood.