About 9 months ago my bf decided to give up porn/masturbation. At first I laughed at him, and now feel horrible that I did, but merely for the simple fact that society seems to make it seem like an "OK" and "normal" habit and I was very uneducated. I still have a lot to learn. . After reading up some on your brain on porn, i've learned just how detrimental porn and masturbation really is. After trying to understand it more, but maybe not taking it as seriously for my BF as I should've, things seemed to follow course....the flatline, the sexual spike, and him noticing other women more and having dreams. He brought this to my attention at one point and said he felt that it was unfair to me and that he felt guilty. That sometimes the urges were so great and the dreams were so very real. I thought it was a part of the process and asked him to pursue me more when he felt the urges, which im seeing isn't the best solution maybe. We live an hour away and don't always get to see each other often because of his job. So from December to just a few weeks ago, things seemed fine. But then he brought the dreams up again a week or two ago. He said they were happening just about every night and sometimes they were of ex girlfriends that he hasn't seen in over 5 years. He said he wakes up and has thoughts about the girls and that its beginning to give him anxiety and he feels guilty. to the point where he wants to break up because he feels as though he will end up cheating on me.
He mentioned not having a dopamine rush from me anymore....But to me that seems as though he is having sex for the wrong reasons. I feel like I have to dress up to please him or do kinky things. Tonight he said that "I don't want to cuddle right now, that its not what my brain wants. I need new excitement." He hasn't really been cuddly or compassionate since this has all happened and I had just assumed it was part of the process. Now I am seeing that this is could possibly be post orgasmic hangovers? Ive noticed changes in myself too after reading on it more after reading the article on dopamine separation after orgasm.
at this point I feel so helpless and stressed. I feel as though I am going to lose him to urges or lustful thoughts and dreams. For the most part he has always been mature about sex,,,not using girls for hookups and saying that sex is more than just hooking up. He did once that I am aware of and was very emotional and guilt filled over it. He is genuinely a good guy....but I know porn was a big part of his life and I always took it as "normal" and accepted it.
I guess my main question is....is there any hope for us. Or should I turn and walk away and let him be free to go about his urges.
I would appreciate any insight or help. Ive browsed the forum for the first time tonight in search of dreams, but no one seems to have dreams this far along in the process, or to the point of wanting to end their relationship in fear of cheating.
thank you in advance.