This is a sprawl note that I made in my cell phone after a realization about orgasms and their influence on worsening emotional exchanges between my partner and I.
So in light of being away from my partner for 1.5 months and I will still be away for another month, I had some pleasurable thoughts and decided to have an orgasm..
"90 Days of Not Asking" Done! there were some failures but many lessons learned.
Wow it's been 5 years since I blogged on reuniting.info about my experiences, and since then it seems like an entire subculture has sprung up around this stuff, including TED talks and various online forums. I've been looking at the nofap community, and it's great to see this stuff starting to enter the mainstream consciousness in a very real way. I was talking to my brother about the nofap movement the other day, and he's trying it himself, after going through various issues with sex and relationship. Then it occurred to me, that this is where my recovery all began.
I don't know how or why this book got onto my reading list (movie "The Secret"?) but it came to me at the right time. By day 66 (today is 70) I was wondering, "What's next?". I missed the excitement of wanting my Izzy and was wondering how to get that back and stay on track. I read "Chicken Soup for the Soul" a long time ago and it was OK but when I saw "Chicken Soup for Cat Lover's Soul" advertised, I figured that's enough chicken soup!
39 days of not asking. Let's remember this path is not what Marnia recommends.
What has been lost? What has been gained?
I used to feel that I had a large (soccer ball sized) hole in my chest. I was desperate to fill it. I found a few ways to do it but it was an emotional roller coaster. For a few weeks now, it is more like a dent. Same size, same place. Ya know that car you wrecked and pocketed the insurance money instead of having it fixed? I can drive it but with this dull ache it ain't all that pretty.
I'm currently at three works without P and M and things are going pretty well. The temptation hasn't been as strong of late, and things like distracting myself with writing, playing video games, and more time spent with my wife are helping a lot. I plan on rewarding myself at 30 days by buying myself a little something I usually wouldn't spend money on, and then will be shooting for 60 days!
Hunger and need leaking out everywhere
The darkness of Desire
there is no compassion, only hunger
I am raw. Nothing is clean.
The young mothers are too attractive
My eyes linger too long on the glamour in People magazine
The sexy cover of a dance catalogue beckons
TV background noise, a young woman telling Jimmy Kimmel of her interview with Howard Stern
My fingers itch to Google pictures of her
gawd help me, it's day 8
I think I'll get something out of this. My wife discovered my going to strip clubs back in October. I initially denied, but then confirmed that I went some. In December she got a hold of my smart phones thru location & discovered that I was going to strip clubs 1-3 times a week, even at lunch. We've been fighting a lot for the last couple of years, she's a control freak, nitpicking, nagging. I moved out January 1st, filed for divorce January 4th, and she proceeded to discover thru looking at cash withdrawals that I've spent $40,000 over the last 5 years, which of course is all true.
Long time no see people!
I just want to tell my story as an example and support to all of you who were or are in the same situation like I was.
I have been through a lot,and all of it has been my weakness,my inabillity to say no!
You can all read my posts and see what and where I was.
By the help of Marnia ,Gary and the members on this forum Emerson and rest of the guys ,slowly I got out.