Recently I caught up with a wonderful friend whose company I adore because he is so damn honest. As usual, over a few drinks, we made each other laugh, talked politics and then moved on to deeper issues like how are you really?
*******This post originally appeared on our website's blog (recoveringsexaddicts.com/diary-of-a-no-fapper). I'd appreciate helpful comments!
Hi guys, I havent written on here for about 5 years now, which is really surreal. The last time I wrote on this was when I had hit rock bottom and I had nothing left. My masturbation addiction had literally taken everything from me and I was left to pick up the pieces of a broken life had just nothing but hate.
Since then, I have managed to fight hard against my addiction. For everyone who is recovering, they all know its a life long battle. I have managed to have some real breakthroughs, with periods of upto 6 months without masturbating.
Things have been the same as of late, many ups and downs. Ive been reading the "Porn Trap" and so far havent found it incredibly useful, but thats probably because I havent gotten to the end. Ive just been reading many testimonies which are very interesting. Im on a three month streak since Ive viewed porn and I find im most happy when im not aroused due to hormones. But I feel like this is very normal. When I am aroused my brain just flashes through old habits and old memories that are disturbing at times and it feels like they never leave.
After being divorced from an abusive husband for 6 years worked so hard to find myself and rebuild self-esteem, made a new life for myself and my children was happy being single gave up PMO concentrated on kundalini. Then I dared to love...what a mistake here I am alone and hurting. I know we need to be vulnerable in order to love/let the love in but really if it's not karezza based what is the use no relationship can work. Happy for any reply just wanted to vent.
Well, here we are one week after my last post. It's been a fascinating week indeed. The grumpiness and crankiness at day 6 carried through to day 7 but got better in day 8.
I have been very successful as of late avoiding ejaculation. (almost three months now) I feel terrific. Sleeping well, boundless energy, becoming leaner in stature, etc. etc.
However, as a straight man I am having a most unusual craving: I am craving semen. It's so strong a craving that even after I fasted for a full day once, I wanted to ingest semen more than I wanted a regular meal.
Has this happened to anyone else? Might there be some micronutrients my body is no longer producing with such a lenghty period of not ejaculating?
I was around some dads talking about a streaming media device that has legit, pirated, and porn content. They were talking about if/whether/how to block the porn content for a 15 year old son. They concluded it was futile as he has a phone. What was interesting is one of them felt it was better for allow access to porn so the boy can see the women he wants, else he be more likely to become gay. That got me wondering how common that belief might be. I agree fewer restrictions are better, but perhaps not when there's so much misunderstanding. Homophobia drives too much of male culture.
What a change three days can make. The first three days post orgasm I was rested and slept well.There was some dismissive energy, however, I understand the cycle somewhat, so I do by best to just "go with it" and not attached to those feelings. It does help that I resect and admire my partner, and whenever I feel myself drifting (attraction wise) , I come back to that respect.
Day 3, post orgasm with partner. It was kinda like having that last cigarette before quitting? Orgasmic sex is great when we have it - very compatible, but as we had entered into a more habituation type relationship, sex was becoming farther and farther apart.