My wife and I have been married for more than thirty years. We've always enjoyed our sex life. We've had our ups and downs, of course, the causes of which I'm now beginning to reconsider.
Recently, it's got a little more twitchy than usual, with me wanting one thing and my wife another. What I've noticed particularly is the frantic thrusting she likes and that brings her to orgasm seems to diminish my own pleasurable sensations to the point where I wonder if I've even climaxed.
I've got a stack of books on my shelves about extended orgasm, some bought at the outset of our marriage; but the exercises always seem so dauntingly complicated, we haven't got far with them. A simple version of Karezza (briefly outlined in a book by Barbara Keesling) was something we got into early on, but I wasn't as enthusiastic as my wife, who seemed to like falling asleep soon after we started, which I found frustrating.
We've experimented with the Coital Alignment Technique (similar to 'grinding the corn'), which is great for producing a gentle build up of sexual friction and an explosive, whole body (usually simulataneous) orgasm that has to be experienced to be believed. The trouble is, it's hard to keep from speeding up and getting over frantic towards the end.
Recently, reading 'Peace' and also the two (new to me) Karezza booklets, I'm reevaluating matters. I never appreciated before just how regularly I've been climaxing – whether through making love or masturbating – over the years. I suppose, since I first had an orgasm, aged maybe 12, I've averaged two or three a week.
Now, the prospect of stopping enjoying orgasm, in the traditional way, both appalls and excites me. Recently, we were staying at a friend's house, and the bed creaked massively. We got into the habit every night of starting to make love and then just lying there noiselessly until we drifted off to sleep. It was great; and neither of us felt the least frustration, although it didn't last quite long enough for me. However, the first night we were back home, we started to do the same, but got carried away, and ended up 'grinding the corn'.
Although I had often noticed that in the past after a pleasant night of lovemaking I frequently seemed to be grumpty the next day, rather than loving as I would have anticipated, I never atttributed this to the consequences of orgasm. I haven't noticed this grumpiness recently; but I did feel wiped out the day after ending our week long period of 'celibacy'.
I haven't finished 'Peace' but needless to say I've peeked into the exchanges section where I've been a bit disconcerted to discover the relative lack of 'action' and the daunting prospect of a lot of talk and eye gazing and clothes wearing. This isn't a critique, but I'm not surer we're ready for that just yet. I feel there is probably an alternative way forward, avoiding orgasm and undue passion, but with a little more excitement and a little closer to what we're used to. The two pamplets by Alice Stockham and William Lloyd seem to suggest this but they are very coy with their language.
Is there a more explicit explanation of Karezza available? The way I see it, when a couple get together, they start at a basic level of togetherness but unarousal, such as when lying in bed, cuddling, with no sexual intent, or during a prolonged hug. Then, something happens that causes the first stirrings of arousal. If the circumstances are suitable, arousal increases, passion intensifies, and they are on our merry way towards mutual orgasm.
Now, if we take their base level as 1, and orgasm as 100, we could formulate 'zones' in between. Say, the zone between 1 and 10 represented basic 'arousal'. And the zone between 90 and 100 represented the point of no return. From my experience, somewhere around the 60 mark is where being in a relaxed state is no longer an option. In other words, a certain frenzy takes over. So, if the zone from 60 to 90 is usually fairly frantic, it might be best (for avoiding orgasm) to avoid climbing any higher than, say, 50.
From experience, I would say the main danger from staying in the zone between 1 and 30, especially in the evening, in bed, would be drowsiness. Assuming a degree of excitement is required to keep arousal levels sufficiently high to avoid this, but sufficiently low to keep a damper on rising passion, an initial aim could be to set sufficicient time aside, make a commitment to stay on track, begin making love, and then trying to stay within the 30 to 50 zone for an extended period.
Does this make sense? Would it be a reasonable approximation of what Karezza is?