Have some thoughts about the practice of karezza, gentle intercourse without the goal of orgasm or related subjects?
Why not post on one of these threads, or post in your blog and indicate the topic of "karezza" in your post? The following threads contain tips, questions, musings and experiences of actual couples experimenting with karezza lovemaking. You can also add your insights to the karezza wiki.
A good companion book to Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is Tantric Sex for Men by Michael and Diana Richardson. It addresses even more of the practicalities of effortless lovemaking. Here's a free preview of the book: Google Preview of Tantric Sex for Men. Amazon also allows a free sample preview of the Kindle edition - if you download their viewer on your computer, Ipad, Iphone, Android phone. Kindle Reading App Kindle: Tantric Sex for Men
"Once we got over the shift to a new sexual paradigm we never looked back. I could probably say for myself this may be the single most valuable discovery I have made in my entire life. It transformed my relationship with my wife. I never tire of her and pretty much can never get enough of her."
"This past weekend I found myself in a constant state of wonder and I found myself repeatedly saying to myself on multiple occasions, "I'll be damned!" (Not literally of course, to the contrary I feel really blessed)."
"The best part is that our marriage has come out of a long stale period and is rejuvenated. My wife and I are closer than we have been for years, in bed and throughout the day. If anything, she is more pleased than I for this change in our relationship."
"During the 2 weeks of doing the Exchanges we both found the ways of cooling each other down were very helpful: hand on hearts, head scratching etc. I was surprised that despite being with someone to whom I was very attracted, I did not feel frustration and could be with her in a very intimate way without the loss [climax], and feel a sense of wellbeing and peace. The beautiful intimacy also bought up some intense feelings. Old fears and a need for distance also came up - even without the release. But I could see how these were old patterns coming up, and as we shared them with each other and persevered with the Exchanges, they passed and a deepening trust developed between us."
"I can tell you that the experience has been amazing! My first lover called it “riding the wave.” The idea is that instead of having foreplay to create a need to release, i.e., orgasm, we have a slower, more connecting way of being intimate. Yet we’re still playing and doing all the things we love. He would say, “Let’s ride the wave all night!” as he didn’t need to stop and recover from an orgasm."
"I completely understand about getting extra stimulated from slow movement. Sometimes the slower we go the more sensitive even the slightest movement can be. Quite delicious actually, aside from the possible consequences."
"After six months, it seems we have reached the harmony we have been seeking in our practice of karezza. ... I have learned so much and have made so many behavioral and attitude changes. But the one that is most fundamental and life changing for me has been to make love without the goal of orgasm."
"He doesn't miss the orgasms and he can see that I'm happier, so he's happier. I'm not just happier, I'm calmer, more resilient, thankful that I'm so lucky to be so blessed with my partner and many times, just plain blissful. I'm also sleeping better. My blood pressure is lower. "
"We still don’t have intercourse, but we do have a wonderful, new way of making love, that I believe is fully consistent with the concept of karezza."
"Those delicious warm melting tingly feelings (that make you go mmmm, ahhh, and ohhhh ) that used to take a while to turn on (through kissing, caressing, sex), are now just there waiting, and don't need any time at all to awaken again. My breasts, ears and inner wrists are like 'off pause' buttons. " Also see: "The face of a Buddha": http://www.reuniting.info/node/4764
"As for my karezza practice: not much has changed. When we do have orgasms, which happens about once a month in a little patch of sessions, we both notice being more irritable and on edge the following few days. In general though, our lovemaking the rest of the time becomes more and more lovely, gentle, juicy, tender, ecstatic, nuanced, intimate. Without the goal of orgasm and performance, we are more free to open up more and more to the innate miracle of being together, of sharing our bodies. Sex is implicitly good, and the simpler the approach, the cleaner the feeling, and the clearer and cleaner the energy, the more energizing it is."
"There is a concept in [Michael Richardson's "Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation"] that in all my life I have never known about nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor...especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too "loose" to the man. I wasn't sure I could do it. But I tried it. And Lord have mercy. It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. "
I don't want to lose that magical, delicious feeling I have *before* an orgasm--and for me, once I have an orgasm, I'm kind of done and over it for awhile. I don't like that! I like the sensuous feelings to go on and on...I've decided those pre-orgasm feelings are 100% better than any short-lived burst of feeling I can get through an orgasm. ... "Since *I* have stopped trying for orgasms, he doesn't have the need for Taoist technique [forceful methods of blocking orgasm] so much. It has been only in the last couple of months that I've decided to not "go for it" myself, so to speak. But the accidental orgasms I have slip him up. He says it feels like I'm just sucking one out of him, lol. I'm determined to keep perfecting *my* technique so that our lovemaking doesn't have to come to a crashing halt."
"Karezza with my beloved makes me very happy, but it is in moments of low arousal that I am clearer about why. When our sexual arousal is lower, I often feel the magnetic energy coming from his penis spreading bliss throughout my body. I believe that this also happens when sexual arousal is higher but the sexual feelings mask the magnetic ones."
"3 years onto this relationship we are more attracted than ever to each other...I really agree that touching and loving contact, sexual or not, every day is like magic in a relationship...really glad this website is here because we have yet to find another couple that understands this way of life/relationship...feels like when you learn to work with your sexual energy in guiding it to promote health and energy and harmony, everything around you just clicks into place...I wish this awareness on all the people we know...we rarely engage in a discussion of 'non orgasmic' sex, and get the funniest reactions when it comes up...one woman friend, on hearing my wife say "sometimes it is a challenge to avoid orgasm" looked absolutely flabbergasted and shouted "what!? I have to work like heck just to get one, and you avoid them?!!""
"I carefully paid attention to what I do when engaging with my wife. What struck me was how the penis is a sending instrument designed to obviously send semen into the woman. Even if you don't orgasm and send the physical substance, a penis is still built to be a sending tool so you need to send something when engaging sexually.
... It goes like this; when I move outward I squeeze that PC muscle I talked about, a little bit, and often not at all. The farther out I withdraw, which is rarely all that much, the more I tend to gently squeeze, never hard though, always pretty lightly. If you're really squeezing then you're to close to the edge and need to slow it down.
On the way back in I relax at some point before I'm in all the way. When I'm at maximum penetration I totally relax, send the energy, and pause there. Sometimes only for a few seconds, sometimes for minutes. I think if you pay attention you will notice this natural "sending" energy when you are fully penetrated, relaxed, and at rest, even if the rest is only momentary. ..."
"Now it really does feel like every moment we spend together, even just holding hands, is surrounded by an innocent, spiritual sexual glow… like everything is sex and sex is everything (rather than an excitement- driven event with a beginning and an end and a hangover)."
You may also enjoy reading these comments by other couples.