Day 21 - And still unsure about everything

Submitted by mindroll on
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I've been watching porn since I was 14 years old - and I've done so nearly everyday since I was 16 (not more than once a day though - I wasn't that addicted). Yet I'm currently well into the longest period I've ever gone without masturbating, at 10 days (but 21 days without porn).

I'm 19 now. I've always felt like I was abnormal in terms of sexuality. I've pretty much never felt anything sexually for any "real" girl, although I have been romantically interested in them. There seemed to be a disconnect between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, to the extent that I've even wondered at times whether I might be asexual. This lack of sexual attraction means I've never felt any urge to push things further with any girl, and few if any attempt anything, either. Combine this with the desire for romantic relationships, and you get years of self-doubt and frustration.

I've discovered YourBrainOnPorn last summer as an article was posted on a forum I frequent; although I thought it made sense, I dismissed it back then. Perhaps I needed a few months of mental preparation or something, but it's not until last month that I really decided to go for it. One thing is for certain, the potential for improvement was promising, and the idea that all of those problems might be due to porn overuse seemed like really great news, as it means I might be able to fix them.

I've tried several times in the past to stop masturbating for various reasons, both related and unrelated, but I always failed. In all of those attempts, though, I kept watching porn which led me to relapse within 2-3 days, without fail. This time, I decided to try the opposite - lose the porn, but keep masturbating (to the feeling only, and mostly only to avoid wet dreams, which I used to have within 4 days of stopping). And so far, it works. It's been 21 days since I took that decision, and after finding out that it was much less pleasurable without porn, I've since cut MO as well. I've also deleted all of the porn I had amassed over the years, and I don't miss it. It's been surprisingly easy so far, too easy?

As for effects so far, both positive and negative, I'm having a hard time figuring them (if any) out at this point. I might have some withdrawal symptoms; I've notably had a sore throat for a week now (though I know it's not the flu or anything) and some mild insomnia for the last two weeks, but neither of which I can conclusively link to the "experiment". On the positive side, I do feel like I have some more energy than I usually have, and tend to notice girls a little more often, but I may just be convincing myself of both signals because I'm eager to see some change.

A concern I have is that I still haven't experienced the dreaded flatline. Of course, since I actively suppress fantasies and don't view porn anymore, I'm nowhere near as stimulated to the libido is bound to drop, but I still have at least an erection every day, as if just to remind me it's still working. That's actually worrying me more than if I had it, as I'm starting doubting whether I'm a true addict and whether it'll help me at all to keep going. For example, yesterday while watching a TV show, a suggestive scene came on which immediately made me hard. I see it as both a positive and a negative sign as the feeling I had was so strong it almost felt like a relapse; which is good because it suggests improvement. But the bad is, it also suggests I'm not following the "normal" recovery process.

Thankfully, despite all these doubts, my end goal (to finally have normal sexual urges in real situations) is strong enough to keep me focused even though I'm not sure I'll see any meaningful results. I'm hopeful that you guys can help reassure me or tell me if it's still worth doing.

PS: If any admin reads this, I'd appreciate getting blogging rights activated :)

Ditto

I'm in the same exact boat as you! I have never had any real addiction to PMO or any ED problems that I know of, but I figured I'd give this a shot for the future. I think that's how you need to think as well. Just because you may not be experiencing a normal reboot does not mean that you aren't helping yourself for the future; and remember, everybody will see different results. I'm eight days into my second attempt (my first went to 35 days), and I still don't feel a flatline. I believe that the more addicted you were at the beginning, the more drastic the reboot process will be, so don't be too worried about where you are in the process right now.
The brain's natural tendency, however, will be to search for validation to go back to PMO. It will try to convince you that these changes aren't noticeable enough, thus this process isn't worth it and you should just go back to the norm. Fight it! Know that you will have to make it a long time to see all of the positive results you are searching for, and by allowing yourself to be convinced that nothing is happening, you will never get the opportunity to experience these results.
Keep us posted on how your journey develops. We'd love to hear whenever you feel your flatline kicking in.

~R

Wow, someone with a situation almost similar to mine!

I have also been watching porn since I was 14 years old. And have been ever since. I am 17 years old now. The thing is that I have only been watching fetish porn. No sex or penetration. I have only had 2 crushes in my life, but they were romantic crushes, no sexual crushes. I too, am confused and anxious that I might be asexual. I am on my 9th Day abstaining right now. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me bro.

- DL

Flatlines

usually only occur in guys with serious porn-related ED. Although some of the other guys experience some pretty rocky emotional withdrawal symptoms that make them feel apathetic or depressed for a while.

@ Mindroll You're all set to blog.

@ Doggielover You are too!

If you guys didn't have ED, then your challenge is simply to avoid porn. Even if you aren't addicts, it's worth finding out if you feel your libido and mood shift for the better without Internet porn. Many guys notice a big turning point around two months.

Hey man, I'm 20 and started

Hey man, I'm 20 and started P at 13~ and M when I was a quite little (long story).

Do not psyche yourself out when it comes to your sensitization. You said...

[quote=mindroll]
A concern I have is that I still haven't experienced the dreaded flatline. Of course, since I actively suppress fantasies and don't view porn anymore, I'm nowhere near as stimulated to the libido is bound to drop, but I still have at least an erection every day, as if just to remind me it's still working. That's actually worrying me more than if I had it, as I'm starting doubting whether I'm a true addict and whether it'll help me at all to keep going. For example, yesterday while watching a TV show, a suggestive scene came on which immediately made me hard. [/quote]

Do not let the thought that "maybe you're not an addict" enter your head. In fact, it could be true. Perhaps you're not truly an addict. Regardless, no one is invulnerable to the side of effects of heavy PMO. It will definitely vary from person to person.

I'm actually VERY sensitized to women (boners just by walking behind them (I should stop wearing skinny jeans)), but I am absolutely still effected by this stuff.

When I was hooking up with my ex she literally could not get me off with her hand. I couldn't get off if I was wearing a condom either. I would literally take it off mid-session, acting like a secret agent (although she could obviously feel it and never said anything) and then still struggle a bit.

Point? Actual sexual relations were not as stimulation (novel) as porn. I craved sex but I couldn't ejaculate (which is, in retrospect, maybe not the worst thing).

After only a ~week of no PMO, we had sex again and I was definitely able to get off with a condom on. I was madly surprised and happy with the results.

Anyway, I made it to day 20 and slipped. It wasn't worth it. I have a post in the making about this and I think it will be an interesting conversation. You can check out my blog below if you wanna talk to me directly.

Cheers and good luck

http://coldturkeysupreme.wordpress.com/

Thanks for pointing out

that getting porn (fantasy)-related boners while watching females doesn't mean you don't have addiction-related brain changes going on. ED is but one way dopamine dysregulation manifests. Many guys don't have it...or don't know they have it until they get with a real partner.

Here's a list of the kinds of symptoms guys here report. Most are not ED. http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-are-the-symptoms-of-excessive-porn-use

Or see the list in this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201109/are-you...

Thanks for the support and

Thanks for the support and advice guys, really appreciate it. It's reassuring to know that I could benefit even if I never experience a flatline, and it's even better to see that some others have a similar situation as I do.

I definitely intend to keep going no matter what (and you've reinforced this commitment), so I'll keep you guys posted!