I stumbled upon YBOP a couple of months ago, but I'm officially calling this Day 2.
Here's a quick rundown of the [History]:
-first introduced to soft and hardcore magazines at age 5
-first P video at 10
-first M,O 12
-heavy P use at 13 on
-Handjobs/blowjobs 15-18; erection but no O, or delayed ejaculation
-sex at 18 - immediate ED with introduction of condom
-5 partners since (1 long term), ED and delayed ejaculation persisted, but started using Levitra
-issues with ED continue up to present (age 30)
I found YBOP after the Italian study on the effects of porn and ED was released back in October. I had been sexually active with someone for about a month at that point (using Levitra every time we had sex). I immediately stopped P,M altogether, but continued O every weekend for another month through sex. I was conscious of what I was doing. I made a huge effort not to flashback or fantasize during sex, which I usually do with my eyes closed. I usually end up taking up to an hour to O and only from one position (lying on my back). These times however, I could O within 20 minutes because I kept my eyes open and focused on my senses. I feel like if you can do that, then sex during reboot might actually be beneficial. Could it be training the brain to use a separate neural pathway (am I using that terminology right?)?
However, we ended it two weeks ago and I went on a binge for a few days. I decided to go back to reboot mode as of last Sunday Dec. 4th. It was the last day of PMO. How destructive are relapses? Is it officially setting the count back to 0 in your head? I feel like I did make some progress in the prior month (even though I was still having sex).
As of Sunday night, I had spent some time online looking at static images. Nothing hardcore, only softcore nudity. I'm just not sure if I should consider that P or not. That's why I'll just call today day 2. Are static images considered P? Or are they more considered "triggers" to "real" P? For example, a Victoria's Secret commercial can be a trigger, but if it doesn't lead to PMO, should I still avoid watching it? Going further, is looking at static images of nudity considered relapsing if there is no MO, but there is fantasizing?
I'm experiencing some flat-lining today. I just don't have any feeling downstairs. I end up poking at it and re-adjusting more than usual (or am I just noticing more?). It just seems so cold and lifeless. As I've read on other posts, I'm going to try and not worry about it too much. I just wonder what the actual phases are of the reboot and how long each phase lasts. I guess I'm just the impatient type. I would give anything for it to be day 60 NOW. In the meantime, how long does the flat-line phase last? What comes after that phase? How much longer after coming out of flat-line is the finish line? Is there a way to "test" the finish line?
I think the ultimate goal, to be honest, is to cure the ED. Others have blogged about full emotional journeys filled with self discovery. They end up with better relationships, are more appealing to women, and are overall just happier. I mean, of course I want that too. For now though, I'm not sure I can see the forest through the trees just yet. Curing ED is enough of an incentive for me to stick to this reboot.