(curious fellow) I mentioned ADD at http://www.reuniting.info/
(clarity - female) Today I gave a presentation and totally rocked it! Also, I could read the crowd really well. And I could feel when I was done and that if I kept going it would all start to unravel. So I just stopped. Yeah, much easier than usual. For a while now I've been wanting to do a lot more public speaking. I'm confident in my abilities and I always get good feedback. The limiting factor has been the toll it takes on me. Usually, I can't sleep the night before so I feel ragged before I even give the talk. Then afterwards I am usually so amped that I can't sleep, I feel like I am floating above the ground and can't ground, no matter what I do. I would have two nights of bad sleep for every presentation. Last night I slept well, gave a great talk this morning, and feel only comfortably pleased now. I attribute this change to my exciting new orgasm-free lifestyle. This is so exciting, it really opens up a part of my career path that had felt blocked. It's funny, a few months ago I was asking around, trying to see if anybody I knew who did a lot of public speaking had any advice for me. If any of them had said "yeah, stop having orgasms" I would have thought they were insane. (emerson - male) Wow. I had a similar experience recently. It's all a whole lot easier. As a man I feel much more personal power and magnetism now that I don't have orgasms. I have feelings of great masculine power and charisma that I didn't have before. I also am more inclined to look at people in the eye. To be interested in them. And to feel comfortable on stage. It's been a blast! Thanks for sharing this insight as it just allowed me to connect these particular dots.
(emerson) Other people regularly comment to each of us how young we look. I had someone think I was 10 years younger for real the other day. I have no desire to experience orgasms whether valley, peak or cliff. That's because the continuous feelings of ecstatic love are so great, and they continue 24 - 7. When I was doing regular sex it was never, ever like this. Also, my wife used to get regular UTIs and those never happen anymore. It does rejuvenate for sure, it is amazing how I feel afterwards for a long time. Not a warm tired glow from an orgasm, but a really warm floaty feeling of wellbeing that lasts the day and the next day. Just wonderful.
(sood) I don't know how relevant this is but since practicing Karezza I have noticed an astonishing difference in the strength of my urine stream and the decreased frequency in my need to urinate.
I'm not too clear on what is going on internally as I hover between the 60%-80% mark during sex but it certainly feels like my prostate is actively squeezing itself, under is own volition, on a regular, rhythmical basis. It seems like it is massaging itself, if that is physiologically possible.
My original concern for prostate health was that Karezza might stress it out somewhat, by causing it to work for no reward; but it certainly doesn't feel that way. This is an entirely subjective view and I could be wrong about what is happening inside even though the outward signs are clear enough.
(woman) I've been with my current partner for many years. We've been bisexual/polyamorous/non-monogamous during our time together (15+ years). Karezza has helped in ways I never imagined it would. I had one person who was afraid I wanted to 'restart' the old relationship again, with all of its drama. Once I reassured her, and her husband (it's complicated, like I said) everything has been almost magical in the way it's fallen together. I've never been happier, and more sure of my partner's love for me, or my love for him, and the other people in my life that I love. I believe Karezza taught me what love really feels like, and I can feel it anytime I make time / pay attention to it. One of Diane Richardson's books: http://www.amazon.com/Tantric-Love-Feeling-Emotion-Golden/dp/1846942837 really helped, but it was when I got part way through the Tantric Love book that it all jelled for me. Like a light turned on, and there was no going back. I think the thing that I learned is that I can fully love someone without needing them. When we're needy, I do think we put out a 'vibe' that other people feel. I no longer feel needy, or desperate, and I used to feel both all the time.
(emerson) Went and saw the Bond movie today, Skyfall. Movies like this are all about dopamine, it seems to me. Newer special effects, scarier situations, etc. Novelty and unpredictable rewards. They just aren't that interesting to me anymore. Is there such a thing as losing interest in this stuff because, as they used to say, "I"m high on life" - but "I'm high on oxytocin"? I don't feel a lack anymore. I feel incredible about my life; it really is complete. New toys, new movies and such don't seem to have as much of an attraction. Quite liberating, really.
(Rachel) You might get a small feeling that perhaps you don't *need* the things you used to think were so important (material things, junk food, hyper activities, etc.). You're already fulfilled...what more could there be to want or need? I said in my blog a long time ago I could now die happy, lol.
(Euphemism) Karezza is working out great for both of us! We're approaching it as a set of guiding principles and improvising our way along. We're consciously performing lots of bonding behaviors and we see how it affects us positively on a primal, nurturing level.
Yesterday we flowed from alternating back massages to sensual connection to soothing genital massages to gentle intercourse. It was the first time we had an extended session where we were both knowingly applying Karezza in such a focused way. Once we become sexual I had a small bit of worrying as to whether what I was doing was enjoyable for her. As it turns out she loved everything. Even though neither of us had an orgasm we were both so relaxed after intercourse that we fell asleep nude with her resting her head on my chest.
Later that evening we had another bit of mild sensual play. That would not have happened if either of us had orgasmed earlier. I love how this style of relationship creates so much on-going affection and pleasure!
I'm especially seeing a big improvement in my neurochemical balance. I feel like I'm on an effective, yet natural, anti-depressant. Life seems more vibrant and alive. My head is clearer and my work is flowing better. I don't feel so driven anymore to stimulate myself and my improved understanding of the reward system is also guiding me to be gentle with myself.
I've been masturbating 2-4 times per week since my earliest memories. When I first stumbled across this work it sounded crazy to me to not pursue orgasms. I thought it would be a white-knuckles affair but now that I've stopped I feel relieved. It is clear I was flogging my poor sexual system like an overworked farm animal.
I'm solidly science-based and healthily skeptical so I don't say any of this lightly. I've struggled with cyclothymia, a milder but still serious form of bipolar, since my youth. I've used pharmaceuticals with varying degrees of success. I've also tried some herbals with zero success. What I'm experiencing is a pronounced, positive improvement in my outlook and mental functioning.
Cyclothymia sometimes goes away in middle age. This is wildly speculative but it does make me wonder if these reports are driven in part by some of these middle-aged people having fewer orgasms than in their youth. Cyclothymia is characterized by impaired ability to experience pleasure, fewer outright depressive episodes than other forms of bipolar, and a tendency toward hypomania. That sure sounds to my lay understanding like the results of an overworked reward system.
(Rachel) My darling lover has been waiting to tell me this because he wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke or a passing thing~~ But this morning he told me he is pretty confident that our karezza lovemaking has been beneficial for his prostate. He said he started noticing a couple of years ago that his urine stream was getting a little weaker and he was not able to completely empty his bladder all at one time (he would have been 50 at the time and I guess this is a part of the aging process for men~~he is now 52). In the last couple of months, he has been noticing a stream of urine that is similar to what he had as a young man~~strong and steady! And he may only get up to urinate once during the night these days (was getting up several times before this). And no stopping-and-starting like before.
(Luv2fly) I have suffered from sleep disorder for years but since Karezza came into our lives I sleep through the night. Don't know if it is just a coincidence or if it has something to do with no orgasms. (A few weeks later) I have noticed the most incredible thing lately. My urine stream is back where it was thirty years ago (I am 57). I can pee out consistantly to five or more feet, and can get a squirt out to eight feet! I am amazed. I have also noticed the urge is much easier to control and getting up during the night only happens once now as compared to two or three time before Karezza.
(lucky) I suffer from a benign, chronic condition called endometriosis that causes me incredible amounts of pain during my period. I can be incapacitated for a couple of days a month by either the pain itself or the medication I take for it.
This month, that has not been the case and not so coincidentally it is after my sweetie and I have been cuddling/bonding/making out regularly. We are both currently abstaining from orgasm and I’m almost at five weeks. While abstaining probably plays into some of this, I’m convinced the oxytocin surge has seriously altered my neurochemistry in a very positive way.
I have had a great deal of pain associated with my periods for as long as I can remember and it’s pretty overwhelming to have such a dramatic shift. Granted, it might not last, but I find it hard to believe that this is a chance happening.
(Louie) My wife used to experience painful cramps and mood swings with her period. In the last two years this has steadily declined to the point where she almost does not have a period. She thinks it is early menopause (she is 36). I think it is due to her energy practices (Tai Chi and acupuncture) and more importantly, to the steep rise in loving affection between me and her over the past two years.
Oxytocin is a huge factor I am sure. However, I am sure that there is also a powerful energetic factor here. It sounds to me like you have an abundance of yin energy. Excessive mesturation or cramps is the female equivalent of excessive drive to ejaculate in men. When men have too much yang energy the body seeks to balance itself through ejaculation. When women have too much yin energy the body seeks to balance itself through strong menstural flow. It both cases, the body is dumping excess energy.
When you have good energetic exchange going in a relationship, the rebalancing happens automatically. Your excess yin flows to your sweetie so there is a reduced need for the body to dump any excess. I may be wrong, but I think this could be a factor.
(Darryl) I can completely relate to what you say. I am 57 as well and recently went to the urologist for a prostate exam. First thing I notice is all the sad deflated looking men in the wating room. I fill out the forms with questions like, how is the strength of your pee stream, hows your erection, how often do you have sex, and so on. Of course I'm circling the "10" in almost every question with a 1 - 10 range. When I come to the question of how often do you have sex and I say "every day", I think, there not going to even believe me. I decide to leave off, "sometimes twice a day". Anyway they give me a completely clean bill of heath on my prostate and as I practically skip out of the office I want to shout, "try karezza" to the other men slumped in their chairs. You do realize you're making me want to go outside and see if I can do 8'6". "The crowd goes wild as he takes the gold in the men's over 55 competition!"
(Euphemism) I think Karezza has been a relief for her. Her first marriage broke up over sex and his revelations of affairs came as an awful shock and life blow. I could tell she was somewhat dutiful about having sex with me once the initial thrill started to cool. She's very sweet and appropriately open so I don't want to imply there was anything wrong sexually other than our being overly-focused on stimulation leading to orgasm -- which we thought was the "normal" way to have sex. Now we're both savoring all aspects of our physical relationship, including our more sexual encounters, and there's certainly no sense of duty involved. It's very healing for me too. We've discussed how this deep connection also gives us a deep sense of protection and safety.
(Rachel) Now when we make love, I feel it *through* my breasts and my vagina responds in such a way that gives a full "yes" to my lover. Also, he can touch them and feel the energy pulse through his penis. Many times after lovemaking, he will lie on top of me with his head between my breasts and there is such a feeling of coming home and being loved (for both of us). My beloved and I have been practicing for about 2-1/2 years now and amazingly enough, my body has changed somewhat dramatically. I’ve always been tall and thin and somewhat “busty,” but now my breasts are so much larger than they have ever been! I’m just curvier overall although my thighs have gotten smaller. Also, my hair has grown longer and thicker and I find myself wanting to present myself to the world in a much more feminine manner (I will wear a bit of a heel with jeans, etc., something I would never have done in the past). I was married previously for over 20 years and we did not have a sexually loving relationship, although we loved each other immensely as friends, mostly. Over the years of being married and not being loved (or giving love) as a woman, I found myself starting to slowly become less feminine in my looks and my attire. I was almost embarrassed to show my femininity and would wear loose shirts, etc., to hide my breasts (I didn’t like them!). Now I wear form-fitting clothes and show off my curves to the world. This is the way I’ve always dreamed of making love. I’ve never been happier!
(Darryl) Similar things have happened to my wife as well. Friends and folks that haven't seen her for a while will say things like, " You look more beautiful than I remember you. What have you been doing?" With a twinkle in her eye she says, "lots of great sex". If you look at a picture of her from 20 years ago the change is remarkable. 20 years older and she looks younger, prettier, and way more radiant. Annabelle says, "I've found the secret fountain of youth". Just think where you'll be in another 10 years!!
(Musician) As we've been practicing karezza and cuddling nightly, [my girlfriend] has begun to look SO damn sexy lately. She's been making herself look sexy, but her sexiness is beginning to go beyond what she's doing. It seems like it's how she's feeling. I think something is waking up in her. And she thinks I'm handsome too. Just randomly tells me. I haven't received much of that from her before.
(cf) I quit my ADD meds at the same time I decided to give up orgasms (now 3+ years ago!). The frequent cravings for orgasm have gone away, leaving me calmer and less distracted. I'm doing as well now, ADD wise, without the meds as I was before with meds. So maybe I've found an alternative treatment for ADD. But I don't suppose it will become widely known or popular! No profit to be made, and kind of a hard sell.
[extended account] I was diagnosed with ADD in my late 40's. I tried generic Ritalin, generic Adderal (standard release), Concerta (which is a sustained release form of Ritalin), Adderal XR (eXtended Release), generic Wellbutrin, and generic dexadrin SR (sustained release). I found that the sustained release meds worked better than the standard forms. I also found that taking the meds consistently every day (rather than just weekdays) also helped.
My conclusion (not scientific, just a hunch) is that it helps to have steady, consistent brain chemistry. You don't want to be on a neurochemical rollercoaster.
What else (besides fast-acting ADD meds) can cause neurochemical rollercoaster rides? Orgasms, right?! When I started rebooting, I also stopped taking my ADD meds. I found that I did about as well, ADD-wise, without the meds and without orgasms, as I did before with meds and orgasms. Since then I've been practicing Karezza - sex without orgasms. I actually prefer it to conventional sex. There are little or no unpleasant and distracting cravings in the days following Karezza. Thus Karezza probably helps with the ADD.
(woman) He has lost at least 100 lbs (and me 90) since we started our Karezza practice. I say "at least" because we only have a few data points for our weight before the Karezza experiment, because we didn’t own a working scale until at least 8 months after. We got a few hints from our medical records.
(man) I have moved into my ideal role as a man. First of all, I just want to comment on how amazingly easy it is for this entire Karezza worldview to go completely out the window with even a short period of conventional sex. We have been going down this road for 5 years now; everytime we get back into Karezza, it's like "OMG this explains everything, no wonder we were so unhappy and distant" and everytime we fall off the wagon, it's like "Karezza is just a bunch of bullshit, all those problems are just the way things are, men and women can't get along (and all the usual sterotypes)". It is literally like falling asleep again. Unbelievable. I say that as a way to encourage those of you who encounter similar difficulty. This is a path of sexuality that runs counter to pretty much everything our culture has programmed into us. It is bound to be difficult.
Luckily, we are not in that asleep place at the moment and things have really deepened in a new way. A lot of this has to do with changes in our headspace about the nature of relationships in general. I will let her tell her side of it but for me, as a man, I have really revisioned my idea of the man's role in relationships. The tendency for liberal, progressive culture is to elevate the woman and compensate for the past sins of traditional manhood by making man more subservient and passive in the relationship. And I do think this is an effective means to some degree when it comes to fixing the uber-macho stupidity of typically male gender roles. BUT now I see it as a kind of stepping stone on the learning path. In reality, the feminine does not really want to be "in charge", she is dynamic and elusive and moving and the proper function of the masculine is to be unmoveable, stable. The negative version of this is stubbornness and aggressive, but there is a positive manifestation of it that is like calm assertiveness, relaxed stability. Something like that. "staying power" is what I'm talking about.
That feeling has grown in me, althoughI used to have absolutely none of it (back when I was young and masturbating everyday). But as I have been progressing down this path of non-ejaculation, I have become more rooted and unmoveable; but my unmoveableness is not stubbornness but more like absolute relaxation. This has changed the dynamic of our relationship tremendously. The only way I can describe it is that I can "stand" her more. I guess I'm talking about patience. It used to be that if she was unsteady, wavering, displaying any kind of ineptitude or uncertainty, I would criticize her and put the responsibility on her to center herself. I would ask her to just tell me what she wanted. But now none of her feminine dynamism frustrates me, I can just stand it. I'm like an anchor. When she is uncertain, I tell her what I think the right thing to do is. When she falters, I calmly offer assistance.
In fact, I notice this in all relationships around me- all fights start with the woman doing something and the man getting frustrated because he can't "stand" it. So it really is the man's fault, sorry guys! It is proper for woman to be dynamic and shifting.
So I have heard this all over and even in this community there is often talk about man being the 'captain' and woman the 'boat'; now I get it, that the proper thing for a man to be is a guide; the trick is that man has to be good. You must do the work you need to do on yourself, spiritually, physically, etc, to be full in your maleness and clean of your emotional neediness, and then you can be of use to a woman. I now believe that sex is really for women; I mean I am happy to take part of course - haha. But there should be no taking on the part of the man during sex. Or in the relationship. He shouldn't need to take anything, and he won't if he is full in himself (not full OF himself, which is the negative version).
A big part of this for me has been staying consistent in my meditation practice. It has deepened my ability to provide the physical stability for my wife to unfold her bliss. What I have been doing in meditation is rooting- focusing on the breath in my tailbone, sacrum, belly and lower dan tien. Doing this for half an hour everyday spills over into the rest of the day and I am much more aware of my base chakra energies in general. In fact, I am on the brink of being able to have internal orgasms I think. I have built up my energy to the point where I can sit in meditation and circulate near-orgasmic sexual energy throughout my body with zero fantasy, zero physical stimulation... just me and my beautiful nervous system and bliss, taking the time to feel love for myself. All of this has made me a much more solid partner, has made me more open to love in general and much more resilient to the culture of lust that is shoving itself down your throat everywhere you turn.
1. Able to get hard at any time - just through sensation - no need of porn and erotic stimulation.
2. Able to last even two hours - of course slow sex without over-stimulaiton.
3. Able to have an PIV orgasm at any time [if desired].
4. I stopped smoking and excessive drinking as well.
5. Improved relationship to my wife - not just sex, even more cuddling and caressing, more talking and doing things together.
6. Improved health - e.g. my nail fungus dissapeared without treatment.
7. I lost nearly 40 pounds of weight.
Yes, it's not yet heaven or paradise. Still a lot of things to work on - but I'm back in life again!
(emerson) I've been doing a lot of Karezza over the past year and my fantasies and interests, for instance in spanking, have pretty much gone. I'm not sure this is universal but I'll bet it is very common. I don't look at women the same way I used to either. I see the whole person and they are much more multi dimensional than before. They flirt with me all the time now too and I can flirt easily with them. I'm not seeing them in a strongly sexual way although sometimes I find other women super attractive. Fantasies aren't present like they used to be.
[Knowledge of] the dopamine cycle has helped me become aware and conscious of neurochemical influences on my thoughts and behavior. I can better discern what is really driving me, and often use a higher mind to decide if I want to go there or not. Choosing the programs we want to run -- and the effects of those programs and the influences from neurochemisry -- this is a huge benefit and a great thing I got out of Marnia's books and Gary and Marnia's work. I am grateful to practice Karezza my way because I have so much more pleasure and a better life than I ever did before -- and it was by becoming conscious of things and being able to then see the effects and choose what I really wanted.
(Glo) It's been almost a year now and my husband and I are still enjoying karezza together and still no Os. I have always enjoyed full penetration during intercourse but lately I have noticed some type of sharp pain during full penetration. I have never paid a whole lot of attention to my husband's penis size, it has always been a good fit. But the other night while giving him a long gentle Karezza style hand job I noticed it seemed to be much larger than I remembered. I asked him was it larger than it used to be and he kind of smiled and said well maybe. So I got out my sewing tape measure and decided to check him out just for fun. We did this one time years ago but I did not remember how he measured. He said he used to be 7 inches in length and 6 inches in girth. He is now 8 1/4 inches in length and 6 3/4 inches in girth! I was a bit surprised but I think I found the answer to my pain during deep penetrations. I suppose it is the head of his penis bumping against my cervix. Now my question is do penises normally grow with age (58) or has he been using one of those male enhancement drugs? When I asked him about that he denied using anything but said it "just happened". I wonder if any of you have any experience with the same sort of things?
(Emerson) I think that my penis has grown in length and girth but I can't prove it because I don't/didn't measure. But it seems pretty clear that it has. It seems noticably larger to me than it used to be. And I seem to be able to reach further into my wife's vagina than before. I remember that some guys here reported that after they rebooted, got off porn...
(Rachel) My sweetie has noticed that he doesn't get erections hardly ever at all during the week (when we are apart). But when we are together on the weekends, he can do something as innocent as rubbing my foot and will get one, lol. At first he was a little bit concerned because it's so *unusual* for a man to be this way, but I think he has accepted that he is just more balanced (yin and yang is how I like to think of it) and he doesn't have *too much* yang anymore. Not coincidentally, he feels much less stress during the day with his job, is getting along much better with his two daughters, his blood pressure is now normal, and just has a more peaceful demeanor than he did when we first met.
(emerson) I noticed that now, if I am away (I just was) I have ZERO sexual interest. In fact I don't have erections, I don't have an interest in masturbation, and I don't fantasize. It's actually pretty cool. Now that I'm home with my honey we'll recharge the sexual proximity batteries and things will definitely change. I thought about it this week, before I even read this post, how strange it is now. I used to masturbate in hotels all the time when I was on the road. I had a masturbation and porn ritual. But I have zero interest in that any time anymore, none whatsoever. Even when I'm home I have no interest in masturbation or porn. Amazing. It took me about 18 months to get to this point but I would say I noticed it months and months ago. Just not to the extent that I do now. The brain really does change over months and months.
(reincarnation) Yup. Less frequency of ejaculation = stronger/fuller erection = increased size
(kuaka) Pain Management...
(sender - male) Prior to quitting porn, I had indulged in some pretty unpleasant fantasies. I was worried that I had somehow permanently linked sexual arousal to these unsavory behaviors I was fantasizing about. I required these fantasies to become aroused and orgasm during sex with my wife. I couldn't penetrate her face to face; I think it was too hard for me to project her into the fantasies that way. Intuitively I think I understood this, but it was impossible to change while I was using porn.
No porn, no fap and adding Karezza with my wife; those three things caused the fantasies to lose their power. Now my wife and I make love in a variety of positions, mostly face to face. That transition took a few weeks for me. I was shocked and relieved at how quickly my sexual response rewired. Some of those fantasies were formed in my early teen years, so I was pretty convinced they were either permanent, or would take a long time to overcome. I don't know if my experience is typical.