Here is a little background info about me: I have been masturbating since I was 13 years old. When I started 9th grade, I got my first computer with high speed internet access. That's when the porn and masturbation addiction began. I would masturbate to porn at-least once a day up until now at age 24. The longest I went with out masturbation through out that time was 7 days because I was on a cruise with a bunch of friends and couldn't beat it without the possibility of them catching me; which would have been really embarrassing. During that cruise, it was amazing how badly I wanted to watch porn and masturbate. I literally couldn't wait to get off the damn cruise ship to get back to my computer and fire up the porn. Pathetic, I know. I started noticing around 12 grade that I was becoming socially anxious. I constantly worried about what people were thinking of me. I have always been some what of a shy person but there is a difference between being shy and social anxiety. I had no interest in hanging out with friends. Socializing just felt like it required so much effort, I just wanted to be alone in my room. I was constantly tired and had no motivation to do anything. I had no idea it was the porn and masturbation rewiring my brain. The funny thing is that I had always thought things like "Man, there has to be some kind of negative effect of me jerking off everyday to porn". Since a lot of my friends masturbated to porn, I thought it was normal. I looked at porn and masturbation as my drug of choice, except it was better than a drug because there were no negative side effects. Holy shit, was I wrong. I soon began to have casual sex with a girl from school. The first time she gave me oral sex, I could barely maintain an erection. I couldn't believe it, I was finally getting a BJ and I couldn't keep it up. How could I be 18 years old and have ED? We fooled around the next day and once again I could barely maintain an erection while having intercourse with her. I felt so embarrassed. The problem then continued with other girls.
The social anxiety, brain fog, lack of motivation, and other PMO side effects continued to escalate. I began researching the internet on excessive masturbation and some how ended up on Reuniting and YBOP. I couldn't believe it. I began reading all the information on the sites. I was amazed how so many other guys were feeling the same way I was. I have been rebooting now for 6 weeks, with one relapse into week 3. I feel so much better. I still have a long way to go before my brain fully reboots, but I do notice around a 30% to 40% improvement. I'm more comfortable around friends and total strangers, I have more energy, more motivation, I'm in a better mood most of the day, and many other positive effects.
The reason I'm writing this blog is to thank Gary and Marnia for these sites. I don't think anybody realizes how big this is going to become. More and more people are going to end up here who have PMO related problems. Eventually Doctors and Researchers will too. Hopefully it will lead to more research on how masturbating to internet porn over time changes the brain. I'm not anti porn or masturbation, but this information really needs to get out because I'm sure there are thousands of PMO addicts out there who don't know that porn is what is causing them to feel like zombies. Thank you Gary, Marnia, and all the people who have posted on these sites. Good luck to us!