Man, I can't handle this.

Submitted by slaindragon75 on
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I feel like hell, ups and downs all day. Hardly hungry and when I am hungry I usually eat and then feel sick immediately afterwards. Also, I've been M free for three weeks, P free for two weeks and had O last night with girlfriend and then felt extremely bad about it afterwards. Now I am experiencing VERY strong sexual urges. Any sort of pleasure at all would feel fantastic. I just can't handle it.

stay with...

and try to avoid O for awhile. You have a great advantage if you can snuggle hug and cuddle with your GF rather than have hot sex and O. The first is very healing for you and satisfying and will help you recover much quicker.

Okay so new question then.

I read that whole page and I'm certain my viewpoint will change at some point. But I am 23, me and my girlfriend have only been together for three years and I have starved her of the sex she has desired because I let my addiction control my sex drive instead of her. Does this mean that because my levels are messed up, even after a reboot I won't be able to enjoy good orgasmic sex on a frequent basis with my girlfriend/future wife. I know I have caused this and I chose this lifestyle but that seems harsh to limit sex and the overall orgasms we have together to a few times a month. That's what we were doing and I felt bad because she always wanted more. Will I be able to still have a regular sex life with her in the future once the reboot is done?

Thanks for the help so far, I love the feeling of having extra support on this crazy roller-coaster. :)

No, my friend. It does not

No, my friend. It does not mean you will not be able to enjoy orgasms in the future with your partner. You just have to fully reboot in order not to experience the chaser effect. Although I am not really qualified/experienced enough to assist you here like Marnia, I am telling you this through mere speculation and research of the topics/posts on YBOP and here. Also read CPA (Cupid's Poisoned Arrow) for further insight on the topics covered on here and YBOP ( This site is also mainly against orgasm, but rather practicing karezza because of its various benefits described in CPA. I recommend that you and your girlfriend go through the reboot process whilst practicing karezza (discussed throughout the karezza corner on this forum/site and in CPA). It is what Marnia recommended to me as I was experiencing the same difficulties as you, brother.

Hope, I was of any help to you and wish you luck,

First thing to do

is to get yourself back in balance. If you wish to play around with karezza (gentle sex without the goal or orgasm) during that process fine. It can be fun.

Once you are back in balance, you have more options. Have you read through the rebooting accounts at the bottom of this page? They'll answer your question.

Finally, some guys discover that they feel better when they make love more, but don't orgasm every time. This can be good for both partners. But you can leave those experiments for the future. Smile

Im sorry for the questions but one more.

I'm three weeks free of P and one week w/o O. My girlfriend are going to try karezza during the reboot, making sure I at least do not O. Is gentle oral allowed? And should we wait til I'm at least two weeks w/o O to make sure I am not still experiencing this "chaser effect?" The porn addiction is much weaker now even after three weeks but I am still very sensitive to any triggers, I can just shrug them off easier now.

Glad to hear of your progress

Dunno about the oral. For me, it's counterproductive with karezza. [bigsmile] But you are using karezza for a different purpose, so it may be fine. Just observe and adjust, as necessary.

The two-week wait is recommended, but, again, your situation is different. There seems to be up to a two-week cycle after sexual satiety...but addiction is a different animal. It often takes longer than that for desensitization to reverse itself, and even longer for some of the other addiction changes to turn around (sensitivity to cues, above all). So not sure how the two-week rule fits in there.

Just take it slow and easy...treating the sex like a mutual meditation for now.

Let us know how it goes.

Quick update

We've been doing karezza for about a week, not sure if we're doing it right or not but it's been fantastic. She has orgasms but we try to stop before I get close. Only problem, today we had some fun but I was a bit too eager and had a small orgasm. I don't feel the immense shift in my view of her like I did last time(which I'm assuming is good). But I do feel a little worried that I might have to start over with the O portion of the reboot. I feel no difference and actually I feel pretty good but still I wanted to move forward not backward. We will continue with Karezza as it's fun but we might wait a week first. Still, I'm at five weeks without Porn.

the little Os that just happen don't have as much effect

Good for you. Karezza is wonderful, even the male-only version that you are doing, as I've just begun to experience as well. You might feel a small shift a day or so later, or not. I would be very cautious to try to avoid orgasm at this point though. Lots of snuggling and bonding behaviors are huge fun and make rebooting miles easier.

Great progress!

Very happy to hear that

The less hangover you feel the better. Your brain is coming back into balance. Just know that subtle changes are possible for a while, so if "the sh*t hits the fan," try to stay a bit detached. Smile

You're doing great!

Been a little while since I posted but I feel a lot better.

I actually lost count of how many weeks I've been without Porn and Masturbation. I think I'm five weeks without Orgasm, seven or eight weeks without Porn and like nine weeks for M. I feel normal now on a regular basis. I still feel a slight pull towards porn when some form of nudity appears on TV or my computer. But it's minimal and easily dismissed. I have absolute adoration for my girlfriend since my reboot. We are very close and use karezza often. Tonight, however we had sex normally. I achieved orgasm and felt no side effects whatsoever. The only thing I feel is nervousness because I am paranoid. Otherwise, I feel awesome. I have no problems with any of the side effects I had in the past and feel more confident now. The only concern I have is that we tried normal a little over two weeks early than I gave myself for recovery. The reason why is because I had smaller orgasms a couple weeks ago on accident and felt no change afterwards. So, what I'm getting at is...I cut my reboot a little early because I feel fantastically better than before and even after a few accidents I still feel good. I have nothing to compare myself to but...this means I'm okay. Right?

sure you are!

just stay away from porn. You're doing great. If you can avoid masturbation also, you're good to go, sounds like. Avoid triggers!

I am non-orgasmic with my wife and it's incredible. I don't care if I never have another orgasm. It is just so fantastic. The feelings I have for her and about life in general are so amazing and so much better than anything before. I hope it proves that way for you too, as you seem open to it.

No worries!

you're a lucky guy. Post-O paranoia is probably just due to slight neurochemical ripples. They'll pass.

I'm really happy for you. Time for a rebooting account.  You guys keep me too busy. Wink

Thanks for the feedback.

I've come a long way I think since my first post and in a short time. We'll continue to use karezza off and on but being able to sustain a normal sex life after being addicted to fantasy for so long feels good. Thanks for all the help you've both given me over the last several weeks. I'll continue to post here and hopefully be able to help others as you have helped me.