I'm 19 years old and started PMO at age 12. All the way through middle and high school i've been shy, introverted and suffered social anxiety - I didn't connect to anyone even though deep inside I wanted to make good bonds. I've always thought I was abnormal and blamed it on genetic causes up untill i came across this website.
During my later years of using porn daily (aged 15-19) my tastes for porn have progressed to more extreme material which i've been increasingly discusted about. It went from from pictures of naked women to fetishes and even to the shemale material which has caused me to develop anxiety that i'm gay, but i only like women in real life.
I have had relationships with girls, and had sexual experiences with them except for sexual intercourse - i'm a virgin at 19 and feel odd. I have ED - i couldnt get it up for 4 seperate occasions for 4 different girls. This has all added to my anxiety. I feel down everyday with thoughts running through my head at 100mph I don't feel myself. I feel hopeless.
I've decided to stop PMO for the first time to see if this is the solution to my train-brain of problems and negativity of destruction.
I'm on day 11, i feel anxious, tired, dull, i have sharp pains in my head near the front, straining eyes, irritability, depersonalized feelings, those gay thoughts that i extremly hate, i am anger fueled - my emotions are all over the place, and my balls are huge at the moment. I hope enduring all this will cure me naturally.
I also had a wet dream last night. In the dream I was back at school actually speaking to people and interacting with girls! My dream was mainly about school and there was people involved that i knew, it was so vivid. Also i watched porn in my dream, i was looking at a monitor filled with pictures of all my fetish fantasies, i couldnt resist - i had an orgasm. I then woke up, looked down and saw the patch, my load was 10x bigger than usual. I then felt bad thinking my brain has found a new way to relapse (during sleep), i hope not :(.