No erectile disfunction, but significant loss of pleasure. Day 35 of abstinence and no improvement. Too early?

Submitted by KevinRV on
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I'm 34 years old and I've never experience any pleasure while having sex with with any of the 3 women I've slept with, including a girlfriend I had sex with a hundred or more times. I recieve little pleasure with or without a condom. My penis is capable of pleasure when I masturbate, however, I require rough surfaces or significant friction to derive pleasure. The most pleasure I get is if I put lots of lube inside a condom and masturbate by sliding the condom tightly over my penis. I've only had a brief problem with ED when I was 19, but never had any problems with ED with the 2 other partners after that point, whom I met several years later at age 27 onward.

I believe the cause of my lack of sensation is 20+ years of rough masturbation techniques, which included porn involving obsessively looking for specific types of women's bodies. While I've always desired deep meaningful romantic relationships and respected women for 'who they are' rather than just their bodies, I've had this 'other world' of porn and I think it may be a big contributing factor to my lack of enjoyment with women. I never got into any bizarre types of porn, just basic standard sex, but I think the constant flipping around to different videos in search of 'ideal' women might also have had a negative effect. Though, I'm not completely sure to what degree the porn is responsible since I can still get masturbation pleasure with the rough methods even without any porn or fantasy.

I've come across the YourBrainOnPorn site a few months ago and have decided to abstain from all porn, masturbation, and fantasy for a period of 84 days. I'm going to abstain from porn permanently, and will see how I feel after the 84 days about the rest of the stuff. Perhaps this will turn into a longer experiment. I'm considering only pursuing real sexual experiences once the 84 days is done and forgo any masturbation indefinitely. I'll see how things go in that regard.

I haven't had sex in about 3 years so I can't be sure if I am healed at all. What tells me that I'm not is that if I put a condom on and put lube on the outside and stroke my penis I feel very little sensation with any level of tightness. A friend of mine says that light stroking in that way gives him significant pleasure. So, it would seem I'm still desensitized.

I'm currently at day 37 of my experiment and I tested my penis using the condom method described above, with just a few strokes to see if anything changed, but there was still very little pleasure, so it would seem there has been no change. Perhaps it is too early expect any different, however, part of me is worrying that the problem is purely the nerves of the penis and not in the brain.

I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and success in restoring penis sensation in the regard. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Day 83

So, I made up this far, with no porn or orgasm. I masturbated today without any porn using a light grip and lube, to make sure I did't use prior tight and rough methods. Unfortunately, I didn't experience any pleasure at any point including orgasm. So, it seems 83 days is not enough, provided there's no other issue at work. Going to continue the abstinence, this time I'm going to try to reduce any fantasy since I had engaged in it here and there.

I just wanted to follow up and bump this post, because I'm curious if anyone has experienced the situation of not having ED but having no sensation, and if anyone's aware of stories regarding this. It seems most people are ED sufferers, so it's hard to find my specific issue. If anyone has anything to share regarding this, thanks in advance. Best of luck everyone in their rebooting efforts.

It had occurred to me...

Though, my fantasizing wasn't too elaborate. Basically, seeing women in public would create the strong desire and I would yearn to attempt to hit on them. However, I didn't go so far as imagining intercourse with them. I kept having fantasies about future sex with a woman after the experiment, though. My original plan was to go 84 days, then seek out a woman to see if things had improved. Of course, this led me to keep thinking about that event, which perhaps wasn't helpful. Mostly I'd imagine the buildup to the intercourse and not too much more than that, so I'm not sure how much that would effect things.
I did often engage in the feeling of desire/attraction I'd feel towards women when I saw them, without necessarily imagining sex. This abstinence experiment made that feeling to be quite more intense and pleasureable than normal. I'd almost call it a 'high', like a drug. It's quite impressive what abstinence does. Even after I heal myself, I might abstain just to recieve those sensations. :)
Anyhow, perhaps this time I will try to just not engage any thoughts or glances at women at all, and see if that speeds things up.

if you are going to fantasize...'s best to fantasize by rehearsing the process of asking a woman out, than it is, say, having sex with a woman or some "goal" being reached. Studies revealed that contrary to positive thinking gurus, students who imaged themselves as acing a test studied less and did poorly compared to students who didn't image that. But when you image yourself DOING a process that WILL lead to success, you are more likely to actually do that process. If you feel yourself mentally asking a woman out, approaching a woman cold, approaching a group of girls in a club, etc., you are more likely to actually be able to do that successfully. In other words, use fantasy to imagine the process you want to be able to do, rather than the result you want to achieve.

my take (I'm 27)

I felt like my penis was de-sensitized until Day 90-100. I had gotten in the habit of some pretty rough masturbation techniques that had left some noticeable skin damage on my unit (you can still see a little, thought it's mostly healed- I'm on Day 119 of no PMO). I felt a noticeable change in the sensitivity one day- I described it at the time as my brain starting to feel "softer". One day I woke up and had just turned a corner and it's continued to improve. Basically, when I touch it (going to the bathroom or something), it just feels like a kind of soft tender thing with lots of sensation. Which is good because my biggest problem was delayed ejaculation and weakened erection strength, not ED (only happened once in my life). So, based on my experience, I would say don't start PMOing until you feel the sensitivity come back to your brain. You'll know when it happens. Give it another month and see where you are.

Thanks for sharing

My current idea was no sexual thoughts or activities for 30 days (not being too strict becase sometimes it seems unavoidable). So, I will see if the same thing occurs for me as you describe.

Wow this is a lot of

Wow this is a lot of insightful Information. I like what Emerson said about imagining the process and not the goal. I believe that I was masturbating in all the wrong ways also.thanks and good luck