Online Dating - a rant

Submitted by adamkodee on
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I've fought the idea of online dating during the reboot process for a few reasons:

1. I want to meet women in the real world
2. The process of online dating is pretty similar to P use - a gallery of images where you choose the most appealing one
3. I used online dating (somewhat successfully) last year and it ended it not-so-great breakups
4. It's a huge blow to the ego (more on this later)

This week, currently in week 6 of no PMO, I've been coming out of flatline. The P cravings are back and there's a antsiness that has set in. I'm feeling extremely anxious and I'm stuck with no romantic prospects to even talk to. So I signed up for online dating again - trying out a different, free site than last year.

I'm sure online dating experiences vary for you guys, but for me, it's mostly been a kick in the nuts. You see, I must think I'm better looking than I actually am. Or I'm approaching women that are out of my league. Either way, last year, out of 100 (personalized) emails sent, I only had 5 or so women reply. [Sidenote: I ended up dating two of those women last year for an extended period, 2+ months each. Each of them just ended up moving faster than I was ready to and it ended where I'm no longer on speaking terms with either.] It might be a pretty standard experience for most. Hell, the statistics might even be on the high end of the spectrum. For me, it definitely shakes my confidence. That's not something I really need at this point in the reboot. But it seems online dating might be my only real avenue to meet someone. Friends of friends options have all been exhausted, I don't really have a 'wingman' to go out with, and none of my exes will talk to me.

So imagine my surprise when an incredibly beautiful woman actually responds to one of my emails (within minutes of my sending it). I've only been on the site a few hours so I've got a pretty bare bones profile. I also didn't dwell on the photos I posted and just chose a few I felt I looked OK in. Out of all the women I emailed today, she was by far the most attractive and she was the only one to respond. I can't stress enough how beautiful she is. I mean, she is the spitting image of Megan Fox (with a better body). So obviously, the only reasonable explanation is she's a fake. She is easily out of my league. If it seems to good to be true... And yet, my experience from online dating last year tells me she seems pretty real. And her responses (plural!) to my emails seemed pretty genuine. So I did the only thing I could think to do. Play it cool with one line or one word answers (I'm too cool to express emotion), and make sure I was the first to leave the conversation (I'm a busy man, after all). And so the conversation ended and I'll stay offline for a day or two before I email her again. Worst case scenario, I believe she's real and I have a little more incentive to workout harder this week. Best case scenario, she cooks like a chef, is richer than Romney, and wants to have like a thousand of my babies.

Comments

Can you go out without a

Can you go out without a wingman? Daytime meeting might work better if you're seeking a relationship.

What makes you think any woman is out of your league? They're all just females.

Are you attracting game players by playing a game?

She's out of my league

She's out of my league because if I saw me walking down the street with her, I'd wonder how many Ferraris were in the garage. It's not so much a comment on my self-confidence as much as how utterly stunning she is. I really don't have a lack of ego, but I know I'd feel self-conscious with this one. The relationship is doomed from jump street.

Which brings me to your second question. Yes, we're absolutely playing a game here. It's actually part of the fun since I haven't done it in so long. I have no problem with that. I'm definitely not approaching this as a long term prospect. C'mon, man! It may sound so superficial, but being this much closer to being cured of ED hasn't got me thinking marriage. It's got me thinking how many times ED robbed me of sex in the past. Like they say, the coward dies a thousand deaths - I'm ready to start living! [how's that for cheesy speeches?]

Are you not putting her on a

Are you not putting her on a pedestal? Is that not limiting yourself?

Even the most gorgeous woman has to be with some partner if she doesn't want to be alone. Her beauty is irrelevant. It's how she likes you compared to her other options. You can only control yourself. Women can sense insecurity.

5 out of 100 does sound like

5 out of 100 does sound like an extremely low rate of response. On the other hand, it sounds like you have had great luck with actually meeting someone. I would count two short term relationships as pretty damn good.

Have you tweaked your profile much? I'm finding that I have to change things quite a bit and test them out to see what works. I just got some better pics yesterday and noticed a difference immediately.

I've been on OK Cupid for about 2 months and sent out a ton of different emails. I have about 1 in 6 respond back and today I have my first date. It sounds about in line with your experience.

I think online dating helps thicken the skin a little, in preparation for learning the ropes in the real world. It only shakes your confidence if you let it. Some days I feel that way, but I'm learning not to. It's a numbers game, especially online.

This guy has some great articles about online dating:

http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/09/21/online-dating-pros-and-cons/

Good luck with the hottie!

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I tried it, but the novelty soon wore off, and I deleted my accounts.

Completely agree re: similarity to porn sites. I could almost feel the same neurons firing!