I'm not sure if many will remember me, but I posted on here often last year about my porn addiction struggles. I've been watching porn for 15 years. Everyone joked about porno mags in school, so I never thought anything of my Internet porn usage throughout my teens. I let myself advance from typical Playboy pictures to some of the sickest stuff available over this course of time. I initially advanced to fetish straight porn. While searching for more extreme forms of porn, I stumbled across tranny porn. Despite the grief and identity-questioning it caused me, I could not stop watching it.
After becoming sexually active a few years ago and having arousal difficulties, I came across this site. It answered many questions and allowed me to finally recognize my problem. I've made it 4-8 weeks on many occasions, but I continue to fail. When I do abstain, I feel great. I'm aroused by females in normal situations, I have no issues in bed, and I don't waste hours of my life away every night.
I was doing great recently. I fell for a girl I met really quickly which is rare for me. Sex with her was amazing and I felt great just being around her. The thought of porn was non-existent, so I went nearly 2 months without it. Things didn't work out for an unrelated reason and I became a bit depressed which led to a relapse. I saw a girl dancing in a YouTube video which I found very arousing, so I decided to just masturbate to it once to deal with my frustration. This led to an all out binge and I found myself looking at tranny porn again. I've experimented with real transexuals in the past when even the tranny porn began to bore me. When I spend time away from porn and begin to reset, I look back and wonder what the f*ck I was thinking, but I'm in a different world when I'm craving the dopamine hit. This time, I convinced myself that I should stop repressing my attraction and blaming it on a porn addiction. I ended up having sex with a tranny. I was aroused, but I felt disgusted afterwards...just like I do after watching tranny porn.
So, I'm trying to start over again. I really hope to make progress this year. Despite the many failures last year, I watched way less porn than ever before. I just want to find love and be able to have a healthy sexual relationship with a girl. Until I can overcome this porn addiction, that will not be possible.