Companionship, laughing together, and any of the bonding behaviors (that you feel comfortable with) can benefit you both. Affectionate contact is very nourishing, even without intercourse. (If birth control is not an issue, you may also like to try Von Urban’s technique in the preceding section.)
I have found myself wanting intercourse while I'm with my new boyfriend from time to time, although it has much less to do with horniness than with the feeling of wanting to be as close to him as physically possible. However, as we're getting closer on nonphysical levels all the time, it doesn't seem so urgent.—Gillian
As your sexual energy builds, remember to give it consciously to your partner, rather than simply surrendering to the whirlpool of pleasurable feelings (which increases sexual frustration). Use your imagination to send your energy to your partner. You can also browse through the Exchanges for techniques.
I suspect it's easier to give up orgasms if one can just cuddle up with one's warm, loving partner. My sweetheart used to gently hold my penis without any sort of movement. It was VERY pleasant and soothing, and it took the edge off any uncomfortable horniness. I could easily drift off to sleep with a smile on my face.—Kent
Openhearted, careful exchanges of affection can keep partners surprisingly content even without intercourse. Courtship is the ideal setting to allow fears of the other sex and of intimacy (which we all contract by virtue of time spent here on Planet Separation) to dissolve safely and slowly.
Some of the blissful experiences that lovers report with karezza are clearly independent of physical union. If you are a virgin, why not allow yourself the opportunity to experience them before you add intercourse to the mix? That way you’ll understand the minimal role of bodies in deep experiences of oneness. Virginity, or physical incapacity for intercourse, can be quite as irrelevant as orgasm.
Ilana and I got to know each other at a Cuddle Party (a gathering where fully clothed adults can hug within safe boundaries). Arousal is okay, but not the goal. Rather than rush into intercourse, we have spent the last three weeks exchanging lots of physical affection (ten occasions and four full nights together). Arousal is very much present, and we are both highly motivated to ride these wonderful waves of energy and to ride them as long as we can. We are finding that these are not the waves that either of us has experienced before. Very full heart, and big belly feelings now. It is as if we have moved over some threshold, moved through some curtain, or passed through some sort of portal into a world with unfamiliar rules.
Cuddling and non-goal oriented touch raise me to a height where I have a dramatically new point of view. The world I see is different. … More important to me, I feel myself entering a world where flow takes on real significance. I have long held the conviction that we live in an abundant world. Now I have the experience that this is so. My business is taking off, too.