How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages

Submitted by CuriousFellow on
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This article caught my interest, because my estranged wife has mentioned codependency in the past, and admits that she is trying to live independently from me. (Neither of us has any serious addictions that I know of.)

According to the article, the concept of codependency (as a bad thing) makes no sense for normal relationships. The concept originally was intended to apply only to relationships where one or both partners had some serious addiction, such as to alcohol.

Right on!

Inter-dependence is healthy. I think compulsive sexuality *can* create a sort of "hole" though, which can make people needy and demanding in an unhealthy way. But that would be an addiction.

I read the linked article...

and it was very enlivening. I must admit it is still hard to shake the negative connotation that the term 'co-dependent' has, in distinction to the term, 'interdependent'. I like the sound of that second term better. I for one DID experience the results of growing up in a family where a parent was alcoholic, and to this day can find it difficult to ask for what I want in an intimate relationship (admittedly I haven't had many of those in any case). I still believe that one should not matyr oneself. Giving is not about neglecting your own needs, surely? What about caring for ALL concerned, for others AND yourself?

I can relate

to that article. My parents have a sort of codependent relationship. No addictions or anything like that, but their love ended many, many years ago and especially my mother can't help but act co-dependent as some sort of conjugal duty-self punishment. You know, "I am the wife/mother and you gotta do what you gotta do".

Probably that influenced my own views of relationships as well.

Indeed, the best relationships I witnessed were interdependent. You could instantly recognize them because everyone was doing exactly the right thing, at the right time, simply because they loved each other - not out of duty or pressure.