Almost two years ago I embarked on a journey that has changed my life in a pretty fundamental way, and is one most difficult to explain or relate. I suspect the terms used to describe the phenomenon could well be distortive, but for many experiencing this, its a place to hang your hat.
The "hook" or term used for what I have been going through is the twin soul or twin flame experience. Regardless of what you might think of the terms used to describe this phenomenon, it shares a host of symptoms and experiences which have a tendency to be common amongst others going through this same experience.
Imagine waking up one day to a curious feeling that you are aware of another person.....not someone you can see with your eyes, not someone whom you may even know, but a sense of presence near you, in your head and heart. Then imagine having a series of odd synchronicities surrounding the issue of this other person, as well as dreams. Some will dream of this other person and know what they look like, or might see the inside of their home. Suddenly and without warning, its as though some new set of experiences have come and made their home in your life. At first, you think you are going crazy. You begin having all kinds of crazy thoughts about this person. You notice an incredible pull to this person. You think that for whatever reason, you are just having some innexplicable psychic communication happening and it will go away after a few days. It doesn't. It grows stronger. What' more, you seem to know who this person is, and in my case, it was someone I knew relatively little about who was on a message board on a topic I was interested in. While we both danced around the issue for a few weeks, we both admitted that we were both feeling something. This would be where you begin to question your sanity a little bit, but something deep within you drives you forward. You suspend disbelief for a bit and see where this goes. There is something about the FEEL of this that is very compelling. As you do, more strange events occur that mesh with the physical, some are oddly synchronistic while others might tell you details about the person involved that you just could not know otherwise. Enough happens to keep your attention piqued and in the game.
You begin to notice that this other person has an incredible ability to know what you are feeling and when. If you are suddenly sad, this person can feel it. You begin to have the sense that you know this person not from the outside in but from the inside out. It begins to feel as though you both are sharing something deep and fundamental, and the sense of familiarity with this person goes beyond anything you have experienced before. It feels like this person is joined at the hip with you, but in an unseen way. Your own inner psychic space feels more cramped than usual.....because there is another person there in that space. You get used to this feeling, but in the beginning you wonder if you are not going through some odd form of posession.
Then the chakras or energy centers in the body begin to fire up. It begins at the base chakra where all of the strong sexual and primal feelings emerge. This energy begins to move upwards and as this happens, you begin to be aware of a subtle presence that seems to guide this upward flow. This energy has a sense of sentience, of will, and intelligence. As this energy presence rises, it begins to come into contact with a host of blockages which you suspect are the result of unresolved issues from your past hardened into dark rock- like stones which you had forgotten had been lain there. These are seen for what they are and cast aside, and as this happens, this presence/energy drives upwards through the chakra chain. Suddenly, one day, the energy is ringing your heart. You have this odd certainty that this energy is attempting to fold itself into you, to bring about some inner change in you, and its a result of this connection to this other person, someone who feels like they fit into some long since forgotten void, like a puzzle piece so well fit that when you feel your inner self it gets hard to know where this person ends and you begin. Thus, the term "Twin Soul." This is not about knowing as much as it is about feeling and trusting what it is you are feeling. Its as if the invisible world is suddenly coming to life in a way that is both disconcerting yet oddly familiar.
Over time there is no question something is happening. This twin is connected to you and will sometimes tell you things about you that you have never told anyone else before. Whatsmore, your energy body does not feel the same. There is a growing sense of radiance, of intense bliss that comes in waves. At its root, it is intensely sexual, and the energy moves upward as it is "filtered" or modulated through the different centers (or chakras) until it reaches the top of the head where the energy loops back around in perfect torus-like shape to begin the cycle again. At its root this experience is an energetic one, and makes one feel as though there is a divinity to human sexual experience, that a large part of the sexual experience had simply been missed in prior physical experiences. In time, this nonphysical union feels far more blissful, more majestic and right than any physical experience before it. Its as though they physical and spiritual aspects of this experience overlap, but the inner merging that happens moment by moment in the mundane passing of time with these two people offers something that is head and shoulders above mere sex. Over time, as this energy situates itself in you, you feel a steady stream of near orgasmic energy moving through you. This takes time, and a whole lot of thinking that your libido just suddenly shot through the roof. Instead of one big burst of orgasmic release, this experience offers a slower, gentler but steady sense of orgasmic flow that seems most at home when allowed to simply be without any physical encouragement. It feels as though by letting this gentle flow move through you that you steadily increase your ability to feel its force in your ongoing. While it can be incredibly distracting at first, learning how to steady its force instead of letting the energy fly free like horses unbridled is important for developing a state of balance with this new presence in your life.
What many people say they experience is the divinity in this inner spiritual union, and often with someone they may have never met! (its very easy for onlookers to think that this is just a weird infatuation). What's so striking about the process this connection takes is how the presence of an energy which feels at once raw and powerful and also subtle and gentle and finely tuned awakens one to a slew of issues concerning ones spirituality and inner being. Suddenly, the gnostic texts begin to take on new meaning. Twins see something more to what Thomas described the Master as saying when he spoke of the left hand becoming the right, the male becoming the female. It feels as though, at a deep and fundamental level, as if two souls (or divided halves of a larger whole?) have been joined or reunited and that this union generates a third energy which has a sense of presence, a divine triad, if you will. It comes as no surprise to twins that the Taoists spoke of this union and the creation of this sacred third. Many feel that they are experiencing Christ Consciousness, or at least some aspect of it. This experience turns many people's notions of Christ on its head for the fact that this experience can feel so incredibly sexual. It has led to a lot of acting out while trying to come to grips with what it all means. Many twins are aware that there is a very real force that is masculine and feminine in the universe, that these are basic to how energy of all kinds interact. What twins experience, they feel, is just an extension of a divine reality that may well fly in the face of traditional dogma, but which they feel is the true vine, the real facts about our soulhood or inner being.
Twins are engaged, in the day to day, with something I'd call a cosmic game of badmitten. They are batting back and forth their energies, and as the masculine energy interacts with the feminine and vica versa, greater energy is produced (it feels catalytic and it creates in my mind all manner of images to explain what's going on with the energy...images of rivers flowing into the sea, of salty water meeting fresh, of polar opposites meshing and generating a sudden reaction like an explosion.....but curiously subdued....as if "exploding" is not the point, but driving this energy through us in a constructive way is. This is in no way predicated on physical contact, and while the sensations are more subtle than the act of physical union, eventually the presence of this experience builds to a great height, and if lucky, the twins are able to better tune their own energy fields in order to allow for more even flows of this cosmic energy. When the energy is built up between the two, all manner of things can manifest. In my case, I had definate physical effects. I had been having some problems just before the twin encounter with what felt was a drop in hormone output, resulting in depression for the first time in my life as well as sexual dysfunction. I had just been to the doctor to have this looked into to see what could be done when the twin experience came crashing into my life. That doctor's visit quickly became a distant memory as I felt invigorated not just sexually, but physically ( started reading up in the concept of Qi in eastern texts to see if perhaps I was tapping life force energy...interestingly I saw some similarities with these Qi masters and the health benefits they were said to enjoy as a result of channeling this energy in a more conscious way through their being). I could not escape the feeling that this was as nature had intended, even though I had some residual guilt as a result probably from my upbringing as a Christian as it related to the sexual nature or side to this experience. I began to feel, though, that we had simply gotten it all wrong, or that the "truth" may have been hidden all along because some priesthood somewhere felt that the great unwashed simply could not wrap their heads around an experience such as this. I suppose Jesus did the same thing, hinting over and over that there were some things he would tell his disciples that he would not tell the general public.
I think that its entirely possible that we have not been told the whole story, that the concept of the Christ is more about a natural state, slumbering for the moment, within the hearts and bodies of all human beings, and that this is not about ideology or one religion over another, but part of who we are and part of what we could become, but I suspect that the path to this state has been obfuscated either purposefully or through missunderstanding. To say what Jesus offered was revolutionary is probably an understatement. When Thomas asks the Master to tell him the deeper things about life, they go off for a time to discuss these matters out of ear shot of the others. When he returned the disciples all asked what he had said to Thomas. Thomas replied that if he were to tell them what he had been told, they would surely want to stone him. This to me is very telling. No wonder, then, that the concept of the bridal chamber is so often missunderstood by those who have not experienced divine sexuality. After all, we have been told by countless traditions that sex is a necessary evil, dirty, and tied to original sin in the case of Christianity. Its part of what makes us weak, not strong. We then have to subjugate our will to some other person's in order to get out of the hole of sin we find ourselves in.
I have suspected for years that the ressurection has more to do with energizing ourselves, bringing us into a higher vibratory frequency or state of consciousness, and that by building up our capacity for holding greater and greater amounts of energy can cause us to pass over into higher and higher thresholds of awareness. Jesus spoke of a kingdom that was all around us and within us, yet few saw. I grew up thinking that the kingdom was heaven. You have to die to get to heaven, right? Imagine my interest in the gnostic texts when the Master spoke in terms of the ressurection needing to happen BEFORE we die. Much is said about people in the Nag about their normal state as like being "dead" but are ressurected by a process that was only hinted at, probably because it would have just been too scandalous and would also have made people more self sufficient and at peace....perhaps too at peace to want to join a church or depend upon a priest to help them in their spiritual life. What this experience does for me is to awaken gnosis as a living thing in my life. I wont pretend to have all the answers, but I know I have one and its an amazing mystery. It is not understood by trying to analyze it or crack it open like a rich fruit, but whose presence must simply be experienced and observed much as one would observe a butterfly flitting from bush to bush, flower to flower, instead of trying to kill it to dissect it in a hope of better understanding how it works. Once that is done, the thing you were looking for is completely lost.
What I find curious about this twin experience is how more and more people are beginning to experience this phenomenon. It feels almost as though something is up, like something is happening with all these people experiencing the same thing. There are certainly enough hallmarks for most twins to recognize it in another person when they see it. Was it perhaps that Jesus was not here to save us, but to show us a way to save ourselves, to begin awakening that hidden potential within all of us that happens to deal heavily with the issue of the divine feminine and masculine and bringing those within a unity? Could these joinings be a clue to the lock and key nature of our being that could lead to a reformation of the self?
Thank you for being willing to wade through this.