Seeking a courtly companion

Submitted by WhyMe on
Printer-friendly version

Is there anyway I can be paired with a female "courtly companion"? I am trying to stop watching porn, and I need as many avenues as possible for reaching out to others to alleviate my urges. Any volunteers? How does this work?

Right now,

this is as good a plan as any. If no one volunteers, you'll have to settle for all of us in the meanwhile. Wink

We could use some women volunteers, and I will include a "call" in the Feb. newsletter.

However, maybe this is a good place to let you see with compassion how things can look from women's perspective, so you see what we have to overcome in order to reach out. Don't let any of this make you feel bad. Right now, you are doing all in your power to heal the alienation between the genders. Thank you!

It seems it's tough for women to voluntarily reach out to porn users. First, most don't understand that porn use is not a matter of "character" or "will," and actually not much different than gambling or drinking.

And even if they do understand that it's like a drug and not the result of a voluntary taste for raunchy video, most of them don't have "befriend a struggling addict" on their "How to make my life better" list. That's too bad, because reaching out to lend someone else a sympathetic ear can be very rewarding. (Great karma for when they later need unconditional support.) Moreover, porn is so prevalent and addictive that ALL women in younger generations are likely to have partners who have used it to some extent - or will use it during their marriage when habituation sets in (after the honeymoon period, assuming conventional sex). It would be good for them to learn more about its effects, and the challenge of over coming it, from users who have the courage to make the effort to change course.

I also think many women feel that porn is a rejection of favor of unrealistic, misogynistic cartoon-like, two-dimensional fiction. The thought that a man is so captivated by fake boobs and low self-esteem, also sometimes makes women wonder whether normal bodies, or, say, smaller breasts, and healthier self-respect is going to be attractive to such a man. They don't want to compete with plastic, brainless women. (They obviously don't understand the role of loneliness+testosterone+reward circuity in porn use.)

Finally, since most of us women aren't hooked on it, we can see the whole situation more clearly. It's easier for us to empathize with what causes many women to get involved in porn...and the picture is ugly. This makes some of us feel more angry than compassionate toward porn consumers. As far as I'm concerned, this line of thinking is a loser. Porn is such a superstimulant, and its use is so widespread, that only compassion has a chance of contributing anything positive to the situation. I sense that if we women can do a better job of reaching out with compassion (even anonymously, via Courtly Companionship), it does a lot to ease the isolation, discouragement and dissatisfaction that is behind so much porn use.

One thing is for sure...neither sex can afford to wait around for an already perfected Mr. or Ms. Right to show up...or they may well be waiting forever - and miss the powerful gifts that pair-bonding offers in terms of greater psychological and physical health...not to mention spiritual potential. We can do an enormous amount to heal each other just by speaking to each other openly and with genuine concern.

Anyway, be patient. Every bit of progress you guys make encourages the women lurking here to reach out...because they can see addiction doesn't have to be a hopeless downward spiral. I'm also determined to find some creative ways to invite more women to share their presence. Most prefer to ignore the porn problem...until it adversely affects their relationship...and then they're too devastated to have much to offer. It would be far better for them to reach out to a pal who knows the Enemy, before they have to face this challenge in real life.

And if you are a woman, and reading this, could you give anonymous Courtly Companionship a try? It has surprising gifts.

A Compassionate Volunteer

Hello ~

I'm very new to this website, but what I have read so far is incredibly fascinating and rings very true (for me).
I want to say first off that I have an interest in becoming a Courtly Companion (as a woman!)

Also, I have experience on several different levels regarding this topic. I have been in many relationships with porn addicts (one was my ex-husband) and I have struggled with sex addiction in different ways, myself. The healing path that I have been on has taken me to Tantra to Taoism to working in a sex store to training to become a Sex Educator to .... researching and researching ... (and finding this website :) ) .. and having many deep discussions with people regarding addiction.

My interest in becoming a Companion stems from a genuine desire to help - (from a compassionate place, as I do not feel any more anger or pain - as far as I can tell) and a desire to further understand and lend some support. Also, I am not in a relationship right now and think this could be a good place to heal anything remaining in me that might attract another addict.

I feel grateful to have found this website.


PS: I don't know how much of my time is expected though ..

Thanks for volunteering

If someone here doesn't respond to your kind offer, let me know by private message and I'll connect you with one of the men waiting.

It's great to have you here. I also have Venus in Scorpio. Wink

You are enabled to blog if you like.


Thank You

Hi Marnia,

Thank you for welcoming me.

How do I message you in private?
I would love to have a little bit more information before starting this new adventure :)